[In this session, Nadyezhda continues to work on an emotional release from the series of traumas and physical interventions that have plagued her life including a surgical intervention, a skin graft, just three weeks before this session that did not go well.]
Nadyezhda: I start to see a person in the room. It’s a dark figure – a man with a cloak and nineteenth century costume. He’s wearing a hat. [pause]
Jack: All right. We’ll have to see what his role is here. Is the dark figure threatening?
Nadyezhda: Not so far. He’s a person who’s familiar to me. I don’t know what our relationship is yet… He’s someone I work with or he’s someone I can engage with normally.
Jack: Since he’s a dark figure I wonder if he can help you with the darkness.
Nadyezhda: I think he has the strength. Maybe he has the capacity to be like a knight. Maybe he can help me. He has strong arms. [pause]
I ask him, “Where can we go?”
“We’ll go to the sea,” he says. “We’re taking a boat across the sea.”
“Where should we go?” I ask.
Well, the landing is there within our sight. We can see the coastline and the trees and the sky. It’s golden at the edge because it’s twilight or dawn. We’re going to approach this place where the trees are and get off there.
And there’s going to be a cave. It’s a deep cave. We go inside. There are things on the walls – mineral growths. We go inside the cave and it’s immense. It was a small opening but inside it’s immense. It’s somewhat frightening with dark black and blue everywhere.
Jack: You still have a lantern too don’t you?
Nadyezhda: Yes, I have a lantern.
It’s a bit frightening with these things that are hanging off the walls but… He has a sort of plan. I want to see these places down under. I want to know the Earth. Travel everywhere.
I’m asking to be released. “Release me from my affliction so I can be free to move around, free to travel and understand everything that I need to see on the planet in my short life. I need that. I need to be free from affliction once and for all.”
I hold his hand and I’m asking him, “Can you help me?” He’s a good man. I think I love him. I care for him. He’s a dark and strong figure. [sigh]
We can go into the depths together and find something.
I see the water inside the cave. There’s a shark in the waters.
And the sounds of the cave too – the dripping.
Jack: Yes, the sounds are very special in an immense space like that too.
We have the torches. The torches can light us, help us find the correct path. Can I see the ground that I’m walking on? It’s sort of a narrow bridge passage. It’s very elevated. Different colors on the walls of the caves. [pause]
[sigh] And I say again, “I want to be whole. I want to be free.”
And I see myself. I don’t look like the way I do now. I look the way I looked before this surgery. I believe that’s the way I should look, it’s my correct form, the form that my body has taken. Even with the old scars, I don’t mind. Not this way. It’s not right. I’ve been inverted, I’ve been erased, I’ve been defaced somehow. It’s not good to feel this way.
[sigh] And so we go. And now that I’ve had time to observe these features of the cave I wonder what’s next, where I’m going.
So we get into a little rowboat and stay on the surface of the water as we’re going through the caves more deeply.
Jack: Yes, we’re looking for what you need to find. Something very deep at the root of your difficulty.
Nadyezhda: So we go through a passage and then we see a landing. There are many people and there are torches on the walls. A lot of people are gathered.
I’m asking can they tell us the source of my affliction and can they find me the way back to living the way that I want to. This is the question I’m asking. Can I become whole? I’m saying, “This is why we came here. This is what we’re after.” [pause]
I just had a brief flash of myself when I was here waiting for the bus once and I was holding the scarf in the wind and letting it billow up like a parachute. It was very beautiful. A moment of freedom.
So we should get out of the boat and leave. We go through the crowd, looking for a person. It’s an old man. He has an old wrinkled face and he’s bent over and he’s walking with a walking stick. So I should sit down with him and everyone is sitting around us. We have to have this discussion. I say, “Can you show me an image of something so I can understand what’s happening, what’s happening here?”
I guess I just try to connect to the scene and see the flames flickering on the walls.
Jack: But you’ve asked him something specific, right?
Nadyezhda: Yes. An image of something.
Jack: Give it time. Yes, it could be many things. It could be words, it could be an image.
Nadyezhda: I’m just trying to keep myself in that place and absorb what is around me, what’s happening around me. The sensation of the coolness of the water. The relative warmth of the gathering of people and the torches.
He refers to a mutilation scene. There’s a person being mutilated.
I tell him, “I don’t need to see anything or relive or revisit anything. It’s already happened.” [pause]
I’m just sitting there still.
Jack: You’re still with him?
Jack: Well, I think the fact that there was a mutilation scene means he understands what you’re talking about. Maybe there’s something that needs to be sacrificed. Sacrifice means to make holy.
Nadyezhda: I tell him I would sacrifice my skin graft. You can take it. I don’t want this thing that’s in the way of me. I can sacrifice my wounds. You can take them. I don’t need them. We can pull these out of my body. But maybe it’s better that he tells me.
Jack: Yes. It needs to come from him. But it’s good for you to make your desires clear – which you’ve done. And it’s helpful that all the people are gathered around you and that you have their energy as well. And you have the man who’s helping you.
Nadyezhda: And I tell him, “We need to move forward.”
Jack: Maybe he could show you the way.
Nadyezhda: He shows me a blue crystal globe.
Jack: Ah. Interesting.
So through the globe I see somewhere out in the mountains outside someone is carrying a black-faced sheep. [pause]
I’m carrying the sheep.
Jack: Ah. You have the sheep in your arms.
Nadyezhda: It’s also a baby. I’m also taking a baby.
I don’t know where to go, what to do.
Jack: Maybe you can still ask him even though that’s not where you are.
You’re still with him even though you’re looking through the globe, right?
Nadyezhda: Yes. [big breath in]
Jack: You maybe need a bit more information about what needs to happen next. He should still be able to help you. [pause]
Nadyezhda: So I say, “What should I do with this baby?”
He replies, “Nourish. Nourish the baby.” [pause]
Jack: So, how will you go about doing that?
Nadyezhda: [sigh] I don’t know… Like a mother. With tenderness.
Jack: Yes. Tenderness is nourishment.
Nadyezhda: Everything starts to go white. Like it’s washing away in milk or something.
I’m asking, “How can I drop my unnatural cloak, my unnatural vestments? The unnatural clothing that I have in this life. How can I become natural?
I feel frustrated. [sigh]
I just see the whiteness washing everything. Clouds, ocean, whiteness. It’s just a fog. A penetrating fog taking everything over. [pause]
I think this can be a good sensation. [pause]
Jack: There’s nothing dark about it right?
I feel that I have these things happening but the answer is not there yet. I haven’t become fully aware of where I need to go.
Maybe my unconscious wants to avoid something and that’s all right. By conferring it differently we can solve it differently. Maybe it doesn’t have to be painful or frightening.
“But please,” I’m saying, “I put my pain into it. Take my anguish. See my anguish. Please take it. Take it away from me.”
Jack: Is the white fog doing any of that already?
Nadyezhda: [sigh] It’s helping on a spiritual level but it’s not there yet.
Jack: OK. [pause]
Nadyezhda: Do you have a suggestion of what to do next? [Jack does not offer a suggestion.] [pause]
I’m going back into the cave. To see the people and that man.
Jack: Well, a number of things have happened. The baby that you were nourishing for example. The blue crystal sphere. Sometimes we’re given everything we need but we don’t recognize it.
Jack: But I think it’s good, as you’re doing, to return to the old man. And specifically ask him what you just asked. “How can my anguish be taken away?”
Nadyezhda: I’ll ask him. [sigh] [pause]
I’m listening for a signal. I’m too agitated, frustrated or something.
Jack: It’s hard to be clear when frustration enters. But just give it a bit more time. Because I think you need to come back to that spot that you had arrived at. You’re still in this very large cave. There are those people. There are torches on the wall.
Nadyezhda: I start screaming in the cave. Screaming to the walls. [pause]
Jack: Are there echoes of the scream?
Nadyezhda: Yes, it fills the whole cavern. [sigh] [pause]
I’m not sure. I’m sure it will go any further. There’s an agitation. There’s something I’m not able to see or confront.
Jack: You said at the beginning that there were “things” on the walls.
Nadyezhda: Yes, there were growths on the walls – like minerals. Stalactites.
Jack: Do you feel the man who was helping is still with you?
Nadyezhda: Here’s still there. A good presence.
Jack: Maybe he could make a suggestion. Because he’s not frustrated. He’s there to help.
Nadyezhda: He can take the boat to a different place. [sigh]
Maybe the group of people and the old man were not able to help me. I need help from a shaman. I should go to this shore where he’s having a fire and he’s chanting by the fire. [sigh] [pause]
He starts to speak to me in a tongue I don’t understand and he chants. [sigh] He’s chanting I think.
Jack: That’s part of his ceremony I suppose.
Jack: What are you asking of him?
Nadyezhda: I’m asking him, “Resolve this cruel karma, this cruel fate. Allow me to be free and move without a constant affliction and the interference of sabotage. How can it be possible?” [sigh]
He starts to twirl and dance. The fire spits and hisses. The things that he’s wearing are shaking and making noises. He’s shaking his staff and stamping his feet on the ground. Moving and spinning and spinning.
He’s saying a prayer for me. Something to break the spell. Break the spell of the vicious cycle.
I feel my need and my desire to be without affliction. And I’m worried that it won’t help. I feel so constricted. [sigh] Break free. Break the bondage.
I ask him, “Take my wounds away. I’ve had enough. I’m beyond enough. Take away the deadness and resistance.” And he’s anything but deadness. He’s fury and spitting.
Jack: That’s right. [pause]
Nadyezhda: He can go like this for 12 hours. [sigh] I won’t be able to sleep for 12 hours. But I see on his skin that he has scars as well – marks, cuts, things that release the energy.
Feeling this, it’s so invigorating. I want to push my feet into the sand and grunt and growl and spit. Shudder the violence away. Push it all away into the act of spinning. See it disappear. [pause]
I still have my anger and frustration. [sigh] It’s strong.
Jack: Maybe we can speed up time and he can finish what he’s doing – even if it is 12 hours. But it will have some effect – what he’s doing. Something else may appear or maybe it’s just a demonstration of how to use the energy of frustration.
Nadyezhda: He’s drawing the affliction out from my soul and my body.
Jack: Good. Let him continue.
Nadyezhda: I guess I have to ask him if there’s anything else that needs to be addressed.
Jack: Yes, it’s always good to ask that.
Nadyezhda: The violet light comes back. [sigh] The violet is restoring.
Jack: And now that the violet is back, is there a deeper penetration of it through the body?
Nadyezhda: I hope so. I’m asking it to come in.
Yes, particularly in those places – the abdomen, the solar plexus and the face of course. [pause]
Nadyezhda: I’m again just asking for restoration.
Jack: Yes, as you said last time, “Restoring the template.” Having everything conform again to the template, the ideal. The image of the ideal form.
Nadyezhda: The natural. [sigh]
I ask for forgiveness as well. I’m sorry for what I’ve done. I’m sorry. I only want integration. Please don’t allow me to act in any way against my own integration. Unconsciously or consciously. Please forgive me.
And I ask for protection. [sigh] And it should be resolved quickly.
“Please allow it to be resolved as quickly as possible. Please allow me to identify and seek out anyone who can help me to ascend. Please don’t allow it to get any worse. Don’t allow this to be repeated. I want everything to return to wholeness and nature and light. Please don’t allow anyone who can take away my integrity to appear in my life. Don’t allow me to listen to anyone who can harm me.” I’m talking to Archangel Michael.
Jack: Yes, it’s good to keep his image. Keep his image in front of you.
Nadyezhda: “Please wash away the affliction, all the past, present and future affliction. Let me be free.”
“Break up this new scar tissue. Break it up and cause it to resolve. Heal the wounds and dissolve them. Communicate and touch and speak and sing. And to spread whatever light and whatever joy that I need to spread. Not to be confined to deadness and darkness.”
I see a little white pearl appear in my chin.
Nadyezhda: This is good.
Jack: What a gift.
Nadyezhda: Wisdom. The wisdom of something that transmits, shines. It’s Archangel Michael.
Jack: It’s from him, this gift?
Jack: I’m seeing it as almost luminescent, right?
Nadyezhda: Yes. It’s beautiful. [pause]
The pearl will take the place of the inflammation, the repeated injuries, the repeated psychic injuries, the molestation, the degradation. [pause]
[sigh] I feel some relief and some pervasiveness. And I hope that the white pearl will carry the healing light to wherever it is needed.
Jack: Yes, it will. But it would be helpful for you to return to that image as often as you can. It will help stimulate its work.
Nadyezhda: It’s a flaming pearl – like the Bodhisattva has. It’s very beautiful.
And I say, “Help me restore my faith. Show me that you are there and carrying me through the healing process because I need to be connected to you. I need this. I don’t want to be in the dark. I need the connection with the higher beings who are there for protection. I need to take the right path. Not to step into the shadows – not for curiosity, not to challenge myself. I need the evidence of the higher beings, higher levels of consciousness of my own healing capacities, of my own gifts. I need not to take any steps backwards. [pause]
I need healing. I need stability. I need my little flaming white pearl to illuminate the correct path for me. And I’m grateful. I’m also grateful for the images of the planet Earth I got to see before this happened. How beautiful it was. How I wanted to stay there and become part of it.
Jack: You’ve been given quite a lot of material just in this session.
Nadyezhda: [sigh] Ask if there’s any other message before we end.
Jack: It’s always good to ask for something we may have forgotten to ask. Sometimes there is and sometimes it just feels complete. But it’s always good to ask if there isn’t some other very practical thing that would be helpful to Nadyezhda at this especially difficult time.
Nadyezhda: I put my hands up asking if there is anything – perhaps a message – and Archangel Michael gives me a dagger.
Nadyezhda: Which I can use to protect myself.
Jack: Yes, you can protect yourself. Just cut away anything that pulls you down or keeps you from restoring complete health. [pause]
Nadyezhda: I thank him.
[Jack draws the session to a close.]
Posts in this series: Repairing Time Lines, A Good Man, The Firebird.