[As we move from chatting about our lives to the beginning of the session, Samuel naturally begins speaking of the seashore where he experienced such a strong feeling in the previous session [The Disciples] done four months before. The more he spoke of it, the more he entered back into that scene and that is how this session began.]
Jack: By connecting to the feeling of the place you can enter into it more deeply. In a way, I feel I’m able to accompany you by having my own vision of that seashore based on what happened last time.
Samuel: Yes, more of it is coming back to me. And the feeling of it is coming back as well. Being in that circle of warmth. And brightness.
Jack: Well, I think you should just continue with that. [chuckling] It’s not how I usually begin a session but there’s nothing wrong with beginning it that way. In our conscious minds, neither I nor you know exactly where we should go today. But I think you can trust the feeling of that place and the feeling of the people you were in contact with there so closely. Let’s just see. That may be the direction we need to go or it may be some other direction. But it’s a good place to begin because it’s so positive.
Samuel: Yes, it’s heart filled. And it’s this morning light. Curious – I never thought of baptisms happening in the morning but why not. The sparkling of the water in morning light. And that particular brightness that morning light has. I’m in a very soft shadow of the circle of men. And a circle that’s quite closed in. They’re quite close together. And the light sort of coming through either side of their heads and shining light on the sides of the faces. And the face is in darkness, or in shadow. Not at all darkness but shadow. But feeling the warmth of their presences.
Jack: Yes, it’s the warmth of the presences right? – not the visual so much.
Samuel: Yes, being in the embrace of that circle. And how it opens up on this beach to this little village, this little fishing village, that’s set at the base of these hills. Low hills and these fishing boats on the shore. And this town. Very modest little village. I just have a sense of it.
Jack: Well, we can continue with the connection that you’re making in feeling and see where it leads you – see whatever needs to be experienced next. It’s like a continuation of where we left off but there may be other things that need to be seen or experienced. Your heart knows. It knows where to go.
Samuel: Well, I’m coming back to this sense of hovering above the beach with my arms outstretched. I’m quite big. It’s as if I’m embracing the horizon – embracing the sea with the sun in the distance. I’m quite large and I’m including everything. I don’t know if the men are still on the beach or not. It doesn’t really matter. There’s this feeling of being launched into the world in a certain way. And I’m given a feeling now of this mission of sorts – that the baptism was for something.
Jack: Yes. Of course.
Samuel: And it’s not clear what the mission is. It’s love of course. It’s the call of love. And the embrace. The embrace of the world. Though my arms are outstretched, it’s a feeling – strangely – of reciprocity. That’s not quite the right word – being embraced in turn.
Jack: You mean you feel embraced as well?
Samuel: Yes. A mutual embrace – an embrace of the dawn. Though the sun is now up higher – it’s not quite the beginning of the day. It’s early morning light.
Jack: So it’s a connection to that light that you’re feeling?
Samuel: Yes. I’m bathed in it now.
And a part of me is holding onto the image of the town and the beach, but that is fading. There’s this soft light.
Jack: Yes, you need to just continue in the direction that you’re going, which is very related to the light, to the dawn and to your sense of being much larger.
Samuel: Now it’s expanding and the small harbor is… The harbor is there but this other world is opening up. I see that there’s a little part of me that is looking for something and I have to let go of that looking.
Jack: Yes, definitely. Because we always try to look for the familiar but you’re on a voyage that is beyond the familiar, so just be close to what’s taking place. [pause]
Samuel: The sun is off to the right side. And now somehow further away.
There’s an absence of any landscape.
Jack: Yes, when you venture into these realms it’s hard because there may not be any identifying features but you just have to describe it as best you can because you’re still moving in a certain direction.
Samuel: I feel that. I feel I’m floating. Up quite high. That doesn’t quite describe it because there are no reference points.
Jack: So up and down don’t really mean that much.
Samuel: Right. They don’t.
The sun is more distant but the sky is bright around it. It’s interesting – it’s not any sky that I’m familiar with.
Samuel: And it’s not in space. It’s not anything like something I’ve experienced.
Jack: Yes, that’s why it’s hard to speak about it.
Samuel: It’s in the distance. I feel the space between myself and that sun. A kind of longing. In that space between. That clarity of light that was on the beach and has now receded – that light is still there.
And I see that a part of me is imagining that that light is darkening. It’s kind of a fear. But it’s… just that. And it’s not something to be attended to. It’s not important. It’s like a part of my imagination.
Jack: Yes, right. It’s good to be clear about that, good to see that the imagination can enter, thoughts can enter, but you really need to keep focused just on what’s taking place. [pause]
Samuel: It’s very calm. I don’t feel there’s anything I need to do except simply being with this floating sensation. It’s a suspended feeling. I’m held in suspension. But with a deepness of… It’s hard to describe. Of this atmosphere. It has a depth to it. It’s like a deepening reality. It’s not on the surface – this movement of dimensionality. I feel the limpidness of it. The vastness of it. And the light is still there. There’s a light on the horizon. And the sun is less of a shining light but just part of this horizon.
Describing it doesn’t help with the feeling.
Jack: Right. Just stay close to the feeling. And it’s good, just so I have some sense, for you to say something about it but it doesn’t have to be a lot. The main thing is to be very connected to the feeling of where you are right now. There’s a sense of suspension but you are somewhere important. And what needs to take place next or what needs to transpire or move is really up to something much deeper in yourself. But I think it needs to be connected through feeling – that’s the connection.
Samuel: Just as you were speaking, I became larger. It’s just that this horizon was more a part of me. I’m indistinguishable from it. Even though it has a feeling of distance, it’s still inside, inside me. A strange feeling that both are possible.
Jack: Yes. No real contradiction.
Samuel: I’m the whole of it. As though there’s the part that lingers that’s me and there’s another part that’s as vast as the horizon. Without any boundary. Completely immersed. [pause]
I feel it in my chest.
It’s like a kind of call. [pause]
Feeling a kind of ascending now.
Jack: Yes, just follow whatever movement takes place. No need to do anything. Just be there.
Samuel: A very soft, gentle floating upward. And I’m coming up towards a light. It’s like I’m coming up out of the water. And there’s this realm of the sun and the horizon that is in the water somehow. I’m coming out of that. Coming up into another world.
I’m bubbling into the light up above. I’m not going straight up. I’m going at a slight angle up to the left. Just slightly. And now the other world has receded. It’s in the shadows of the water. I’m floating up but not to the surface. Although I sense the surface is up there. I’m being carried up. [pause]
Samuel: Having no care.
Jack: In the sense of worry or concern…
Samuel: Yes, no worry or concern.
Simply an awe in a certain way.
Jack: Yes. Of course. Because it really is a higher realm.
Samuel: No sense of commenting. Nor is there anything beyond… beyond that.
I see how I need to be with it. Accepting of it. Unquestioning. And attentive. Most of all, simply to be attentive.
Jack: Yes, exactly.
Samuel: I’m seeing, or feeling, the presence of that distant part, that very small part that’s from another level. It comments a little bit. It struggles to make something of it. And there’s no need for it to do that.
Jack: That’s right. There’s no need.
Samuel: And now it’s as if I’m lying on a beach in the sun. But I’m still in this kind of floating spot. The feeling is one of contentment. [pause]
A kind of stasis at the moment… Nothing is moving. Very quiet. Still. But I’m in this light that’s coming through water and that’s very close, very close to the surface. I’m in the water. And there’s this light above.
Jack: Well, I don’t want to suggest too much, but there may be someone or something that you need to meet since you say stasis. Let’s just see if there’s a possibility to have the whole thing move towards something that you really need to be in contact with, or need to be in communication with. Something may appear, or you may hear something, or just feel something.
Samuel: The orb is coming back. From a great distance.
Jack: Yes, we are kind of privileged to have these contacts. They come from a long way away. [pause]
Samuel: And I see how it’s completely benign and yet I also see how I can so easily add a darker side onto it. But it’s not darker. That is something I’m imparting to it.
Jack: Right. It’s wonderful you can make that distinction.
Samuel: And I see how easily I can believe that’s what it is – darkness. But in fact it is in essence a kind of goodness.
And it is there to remind me of these possibilities – to show me that I can manufacture and have what I manufacture color something that is in essence so sacred.
[chuckling] Sacred in a mundane way. That’s not a judgment, it’s simply that it’s an accepted sacredness. I approach the sacred with such trepidation and I see how often I bring to it a kind of false reverence when all it needs is complete openness. It is what it is. That’s an astounding thing.
Jack: It’s a sacredness you can feel at home in.
Already just in talking about it I see how I differentiate and how that diminishes it. How to just see that.
Jack: Yes, we don’t want to bring it down to another level. We just want to be there in it.
Samuel: And it’s shapeless, it’s a kind of a glow. And it has this kind of a smile to it [both chuckling] in that it is accepting my impoverished way of looking at it.
Jack: In the way that one might look at a child…
Samuel: Yes. And with such generosity and love.
[noises in the room at Samuel’s end]
My wife needed to come in and get something.
Jack: Yes. I heard the noises. That’s OK. And you can see how that doesn’t change where you are.
Samuel: No, it doesn’t. It’s there. Yes, it’s still there.
I’m more accepting of my wife than I was. [pause]
Jack: And with this orb is there any message would you say? Are there any words that proceed from that or is it just that you need to be with it? [pause]
Samuel: Well, it’s not offering any words but I feel this need to pay attention to all the pieces of it. And particularly to include my denial and refusal – my idea of how things are. So, my wife’s presence was apocryphal in that sense. I didn’t include her. I saw her as disturbance and… the orb did not.
I felt just now that I was observed. Being upset with her for disturbing my little session. But she had to get into the closet to get something in order to leave. So I see that and there’s a certain remorse in that that is an important part of the whole thing.
Jack: So you can see how what took place was exactly what needed to take place.
Samuel: Yes. It was showing me something. And that is a real work that I need to attend to. In a way it is perhaps the most important part of the session. Witnessed by my friend who is proceeding in a very appropriate way, his work done. [chuckling]
Jack: Still smiling I bet. [chuckling]
Samuel: Yes, yes. There you are. And the feeling of how that habitual discrimination of things – discrimination in a pejorative sense – how that’s so much a part – it’s always there – always there to say, “Well – is it this or is it that?” [pause]
I’m now going back to the… I’m receding. It’s like the movie is being played in reverse. I’m going back and feeling the moments where this other part was intruding and diminishing the life of what was happening. I have a very strong feeling of that related to my life on this planet. I see how I do that. From this place I can see that. And feel it. And be compassionate about it. Oh – that’s a big piece.
Jack: Yes, because of how deeply it’s felt… [pause]
Samuel: Well, that will give me something to talk to my wife about. [Jack laughs]
Ah, it’s like a gentle landing Jack. Right now I’m just going back to that beach.
Jack: Yes, it’s good to go back, to make a full circle by going back to the beach.
Samuel: It is very different from when I began but I have the feeling of it. The circle of men is no longer there, but the feeling is still there.
But most importantly the recognition of this part that wishes to be in control and the art of letting go of that. And the help that’s offered. To remember the help – that is so crucial. To remember the help that’s being given.
Jack: And that has actually come from very far away.
Samuel: Very far away.
Samuel: But here I can receive even though it comes from a long way away. I can feel it coming from a long way. And at the same time, it is washing over me.
And I feel the responsibility of that gift.
Other postings in this series: The Fact of God, The Disciples, The Orb Smiles, Kindly Bent to Ease Us, Porousness.