Alfred: In the last session I experienced the agony of separation when suffering a total loss. There was something that could not separate, that could not differentiate because it didn’t have the necessary or required refinement in perception of what constitutes a loss on the functional level. The source of the agony is proceeding from the ordinary mind which projects the loss of connection on the source.
Jack: There’s so much that happened there!
Alfred: What was given was actually a direct teaching that the unbearable feeling of loss, of total loss, of being unable to go on, was the opening that was needed in order to make contact with the source. In such a case, I am penetrated by the higher perspective and there is no separation, no loss.
Jack: I was speaking to a client yesterday about our dual nature. We are definitely human with lots of attachments and then another part of us, in another body, can be in a completely different place.
Jack: We have to somehow find this line in between the two. We don’t want to fall completely into either.
Jack: If we fall completely into the other reality, we’re not incarnated any more – we’re not participating in what we’re supposed to be doing here. On the other hand, if we fall completely into the planetary body and the emotions… And we do – all the time.
Jack: We then find ourselves completely tied up in knots about something.
Alfred: What you’re saying is important in the sense that it highlights the fact that the contact between those two natures is suffering. We are suffering because we have two natures – it’s built into our existence. This can give a very different view about suffering.
That resonance of suffering that we all share puts us really in the same boat with everyone around us. [pause]
At times I am stuck and at other times, thanks to our guides, I am unstuck. I can feel things become deeper and heavier but when I see from that luminous place where this is recognized there is no separation – all is lawfully coexisting.
Jack: Exactly. You’ve certainly had moments when the separation, the suffering was not there at all.
Alfred: When everything is permeated by this fine vibration, the word “suffering” is completely unfitting to describe the experience.
Jack: Yes, because then you’re really somewhere else.
I’ve sometimes felt that the suffering was a kind of fire – a burning away of something that needs to be burned away inside. When that takes place, there’s a freedom to move into this other space. You can’t move as long as you’re taken by whatever it is that you’re suffering.
Alfred: It feels right to accept being in this body with all its tensions and densities, to just be with it.
Jack: At the same time my sense is that something has begun – a process has begun. [pause]
Alfred: I’m asking the body to cooperate… like a baby or like a dog that is terribly worried about being abandoned. So, there’s a certain need to be with it. It needs to receive a certain acceptance which then allows it to relax and to open up even when it doesn’t know what it is opening to. [pause]
The need to know is diminished.
And with that there’s a certain benevolent, unknown, perhaps stellar darkness that is present. [pause]
Much more willingly than any time before, something in me is accepting the recognition that the display of random images is not where the movement is. It’s like being on a train – you can be taken by the passing landscapes or you can be one with the movement of the train and know that you are travelling. So here I need to focus on the movement of transition and not be distracted. [pause]
The breath seems to take over and do its own breathing. [pause]
Jack: Transparent domes?
Alfred: No, they seem to be golden. [pause]
A moment ago, something from within my experience, a kind of helper was encouraging me to pay attention to everything. [pause]
It seems very important to pay attention to feeling. That’s the guidance. How to balance all those visuals which are very striking but they can be distracting. [pause]
Jack: Yes, I think the feelings help in making sure you’re on the right track or direction.
Alfred: The heart is more present now – in its rhythm. There is a kind of trust in the guidance from the heart. [pause]
There’s a gentle discipline applied to not falling into images and fragments and just staying with the question of how to come closer. How to stay just with that sense of the proximity to some guidance and connection. It’s like a part that is moving towards the whole. Or opening to the whole. Like a planet moving towards its sun. [pause]
That familiar sense of the head insisting to lead. I need to allow that and not fight it.
Jack: Yes, just ignore it; don’t fight it.
Alfred: I’m moving within a whole circulatory system. It’s like being a particle within an infinitely intricate systems of vessels – a circulatory system in which I’m a particle. I have a sense that I’m moving in a liquid. I can see it all around me. I’m within it and outside of it.
The walls of the vessels are transparent but the transparency varies with my ability to concentrate. When I lose my focus they become opaque and I can no longer find my direction. [pause]
Again, this transition through a dream-like state. I’m not looking at it – it has passed. I continue to be in question.
Jack: And the connection to the heart, to feeling – is that still strong?
Alfred: It fluctuates but it’s still there. There are moments when the head seem to take over the heart. And I fall for that so I need to be very vigilant.
The discernment of the heart and the mind are sometimes difficult. But now I’m closer to the heart.
Jack: Good. [pause]
Alfred: There’s a clear need to let go of this wish to make something happen. I see this as a big obstacle right now. The last session was so striking that there’s a wish to replicate it. So I’m not entirely sincere or open at this moment.
Jack: Well, I think the heart needs to tell you what you need to move towards.
Alfred: Yes. There are some twinges of fear more present now and that affirms moving closer to something more real. [pause]
There’s the very strong grasp of a fear like claustrophobia. Of being entombed. I see a barrier to entering a dark place. It’s like a fear of death, very specifically. I just need to stay with that. [pause]
Something lets go now.
Alfred: It’s like the heart is beginning to connect to another circulation. [pause]
Jack: Are you just aware of that now.
Alfred: Yes. It’s appearing now. It’s like an atmosphere. A liquid atmosphere.
The constriction of the heart is gradually loosening. Expanding. And the body is breathed by this blue materiality.
There’s a part of me that recognizes the same difficulty of passing through this gate of death so to speak. And it complains: “Why can’t it be easier?” Nothing that I know is helping.
It is like being under water and breathing – from the mind’s point of view. The body has absolutely no problem. This other body that I’m in here and now.
There’s light coming in. It’s like coming from a depth of water into the light. [pause]
I’m not quite ready to receive the light. It’s overwhelmingly blinding. [pause]
The head is very alive with vibration now. [pause]
It is given information, instructions which I cannot report about. It’s not something that language can…
Jack: More like a download?
Alfred: Yes. It needs to be given time and space.
Jack: Yes. Of course. [pause]
Alfred: There’s the beginning of a feeling of gratitude. As if I’m joining a gathering in a big dome. All of this preparation has made me worthy or able to participate in that. A perfectly round dome. Enormous. A gathering of people sitting.
It seems like that dome has a particular purpose – perhaps to concentrate vibrations. [pause]
I notice a constriction around the heart. It is very telling – almost like a reminder of that fear. I need to be very sensitive to that because what preceded it was a kind of realization that I have a part to play in this gathering. Maybe an important part. And then there was that constriction, almost a flinching from that – like a fear. As if I’m refusing to take my place. Or that I’m fearful of taking my place. [pause]
Jack: But there’s a part of you that knows what your place is…
Alfred: Yes. And it feels like I know something that I claim not to know.
Alfred: Unless I accept that, there’s no movement forward. There’s no other choice. That’s what needs to happen. There’s an image of a kind of procedure or surgery – some technical knowledge that I have received and that I need to apply. It has great importance I think. I’m taking my place on the dais there next to other personages, people of some authority. They seem to recognize me, accept me and make room for me. And with that, the constriction around the heart is releasing.
This might be the right time to ask for guidance. I feel like I need help in trusting what is required of me. To trust what was given to me to do. So I ask for that for the benefit of whoever might be benefitting from this action that I need to take. [pause]
The feeling is that if I was clearer about my heart and what needs to take place, I would not be conflicted about having to perhaps condemn or abandon… making some kind of judgment or action that will take life out of some people. I don’t have a better way of saying that. Something that will determine the fate of others which is difficult because I know them well and care about them. In some ways, I see them as the people or the creatures or the beings that I know, and I cannot do what is right. I’m seeking, praying for a vision that will allow me to see through those appearances. The appearances obscure the action that needs to take place. It’s so clear. [pause]
It’s like everything that was solid is beginning to vibrate and turn into particles. [pause]
Jack: And inside you what is happening?
Alfred: There’s a greater clarity about certain blockages or dark places where vibrations will not flow. They require some direction. [pause]
I’m not connected enough to the source to take this action.
From this state where there was this sense of a barrier, now there is no longer a barrier. It’s a total change of perspective – one that is not of my doing, not coming from my desperate striving. Light is coming through. Blinding light. Or golden. And there’s a crimson in it. [pause]
I’m beginning to see the crown. There’s an expression of gratitude towards me which touches me very deeply. [pause]
It’s no different than the previous session except that this time it’s experienced from the side of the savior and there’s no difference. Looking at the altar that is now empty from the eye of the one who transmuted that child. With only a little resistance. The whole company is seeing endless light both individuals and particles, vibrations.
Jack: When you say the whole company you mean everyone under this dome?
Alfred: Yes, exactly. [pause]
It’s like my body, my physical body is making itself known, lying here, simultaneous with that scene still there. It’s not there and here, they are both here.
And there’s a beginning dread and agony of knowing that this will dissipate as I speak. It’s very important for me to not lose touch with the heart.
Jack: Yes, and I think also to know that apparently immovable obstacles can be overcome.
Alfred: There’s clearly a need for a whole new relationship with the heart. The heart is much closer to the source than the mind. [pause]
Other postings in this series: Bodies, Bluish, The Cosmic Cleanup Team, The Joy of Taking My Place, Rescue & Ascension, A Continuity of Being, Creation, Rescue, The Empty Seat at the Table, Toxic Green, Pristine Stillness, What is Breathing?, Merging with the Light, The Alchemy of Transmuting Blue to White, Ascension, Montségur, Flood, Connecting Upward, The Thread, Ruby Eyes, Montségur 2, Quetzalcoatl, What We Have Bodies For, Slave Ships, Planetary Signs and Universal Perspectives, The Altar of Gold, The Breath Can Touch the Mind, The Battlefield That Has No End, The Quick and the Dead, The Relay Station, There Is No Difference, The Uninterrupted Chain of Beings Ascending, Adjusting a Planet’s Orbit, Our Living Planet, Body and Soul, In the Situation Room, Dark Blue Stellar Material, A Luminous Source, Where Life Resides, Suffering.