Alfred: It helps – what you described in sensing the contact with what is around us. It allows the sensing to expand to include everything – all surfaces.
Jack: Yes, it’s also reminiscent of your sensing the trees in the last session.
Alfred: The kind of process that we are familiar with – the gathering – the parts coming together, joining. It needs its own time. [pause]
Jack: Yes, it’s an allowing so that gathering can take place, but at the same time something inside needs to be very active too.
Alfred: It’s the sensing of the breath as fluid as I mentioned last session. It’s a quality of breathing that feels much more fluid than gaseous. It is consistent with the image of the river.
Jack: And consistent with your very first session where you were breathing a fluid.
Alfred: That’s exactly what I was thinking too.
I think that quality is like being surrounded by liquid, by being immersed in what feels like fluid. It’s a living medium. Almost like a placenta.
From the mind point of view it can be very simple. Once that environment is experienced as sustaining, it becomes sustaining.
Jack: But something is required from you for you to experience that.
Jack: The attention has to be on the exchange that is taking place – on the in-breath and the out-breath. [long pause]
Alfred: There’s a natural relaxation of that need to distinguish in-breath from out-breath. There’s just breath. [pause]
The surface of the body becomes porous and sensitive. Quite naturally. [pause]
Jack: Even though there’s no sense of distinction between in-breath and out-breath there’s still a sense of participation would you say?
Alfred: Yes. The participation is very different. There’s a certain presence to this process that is being concentrated as this process is deepening. The presence, the awareness, the witnessing. [pause]
It’s almost as if the breathing in is of that blue quality. Or that the process of breathing is like taking in something of that sky-blue, dark sky-blue, when it’s almost completely dark – at dusk.
Jack: Right. Yes, there’s a particular quality. [pause]
Alfred: The remaining tensions in the body are more and more clearly places where something is not yet giving up, or surrendering. And it cannot be rushed. It’s not my mind that can make that happen. [pause]
Alfred: The same kind of expansion of the two bodies. The planetary body is now doing exactly what it’s designed to do which is to sustain life but there is a much wider envelope of sensation that continues to expand. More and more coexistence of those two, interrupted by the physical body clinging to primacy.
Jack: At the same time there’s a connection of some kind – the call of this dark blue stellar material… It seems to always come into the picture at about this point. It’s interesting how that expansion is connected to it. [pause]
Alfred: It introduces this much finer – infinitely finer – materiality which makes all those boundaries and activities quite transparent and where the sense of me is no longer delineated by the physical body. [pause]
It is like all those convictions of where my body is and what it is made of are fading. My usual understanding is almost like a fog that is vanishing in the light of the sun.
But the mind does not let go easily. It still has a grasp on the insistence of knowing something about me but it is very peripheral and is subordinate to this larger expansion. [pause]
It feels like these are the necessary preliminaries to asking for help – to have the feelings begin to bring a sense of direction.
Jack: Yes, you were very active last time in asking for something so…
Alfred: And I feel on the threshold of that but…
Jack: Yes, it has to feel right.
Alfred: … not quite ready, not quite worthy of receiving help…
Jack: You said last time too that the vibration has to be at the right level or there’s no point.
Alfred: Yes. Yes. As long as there’s something else that claims to answer, there’s no point in asking.
Jack: Ah, yes, something else claims…
Alfred: The doppelgänger…
Jack: Yes, the pretender to the throne.
Alfred: It’s there and as long as it’s around, there’s no point in really…
Jack: But it’s a matter of focus then – just following that focus. Still, that’s easier said than done.
Alfred: But it’s not by rejecting it; it’s by gradually becoming more sensitive to finer and finer resolutions so that what’s solid in one moment becomes porous in the next.
But it’s also a certain kind of relaxation that becomes very deep in the body. It’s like a trust.
Jack: The body is not abandoned, it’s just set aside – allowed to rest.
Alfred: Discovering different tensions in different peripheries that were not apparent before. Part of the mind is also claiming readiness when it’s unclear. [pause]
The abdomen becomes a center of sincerity. [pause]
A change in the light – as if a different type of light becomes available. [pause]
It feels right to ask for help in pursuing this thread of truth which now begins to make itself known. Asking for help to come closer and closer to this truth as it’s being revealed so that I know what is required. [pause]
I’m being shown that what I’m requesting is already here. The intensity of the light is here and I haven’t perceived it.
Jack: But by asking you begin to be able to do so?
Alfred: The asking clears the obstacles on my side of this process. Fear and constriction around the heart.
It’s the kind of suffering that I never understand until I face it… the inability… the density.
Very strong image in the head. Very strong vibration in the head and in the heart. Like a mutual attunement, a tuning. [pause]
Something is opening up in the feeling. Gratitude. [pause]
The habit to manipulate is there at all times but tolerated and not acted upon. [pause]
It’s like the barrier, the obstacle, the obstruction between the heart and the mind is very clear. Under the sternum some paths are not clear. But it’s so much clearer how this is the nature of the obstacle here. There is a glimpse – what if the mind and the heart were one? The force that this might give.
So that there’s nothing that is known that is not felt, and there’s nothing that is felt that is not known. [pause]
I can see how in a very ordinary way – I mentioned this last time – it borders on the fear of having a heart attack. A kind of ordinary, physiological constriction that is associated with past trauma. But I can be on the edge of that without being completely blocked by that fear.
Jack: Do you think you need to ask for some help to let it go more completely?
Alfred: It feels like the help is offered from the mind. The mind seems to work its way towards the heart in a way that is not taken by the constriction in the heart. It seems to permeate the pericardium.
It’s such a familiar fear of crossing over there. A fear that there won’t be anything that will be able to claim separateness. There is such a longing for that separateness and such a fear. Just allowing that to be as it is. But staying on both sides of it. [pause]
It’s so interesting what you said earlier about the need to remain active. That is so true at this level too.
Jack: Yes, I think so.
Alfred: In a sense, the attention naturally tends again towards the abdomen. There’s a need for further deepening and nourishment for this process that comes from that source. [pause]
Jack: It takes guts.
Alfred: It’s so clear Jack. There’s a kind of irreconcilable impasse between the vibration of the mind and the emotions. There is a need for a much finer reconciling force.
It’s a voluntary suffering that is needed. Another kind of shedding. [pause]
There’s a regaining of a lost ability of resting in a high vibrational state. A more unifying vibration along the whole system. [pause]
Village on waters with a kind of music playing that is so profound and so pervasive. I receive it from a luminous source.
It feels like the separation of head and heart is no longer there. It’s all one. What we ordinarily experience as different concentrations in different centers doesn’t feel that way now. It feels as though all is vibrating uniformly. [pause]
A totally natural breathing that comes from the lower abdomen. It travels through a whole different respiratory system. [pause]
It’s not a respiratory system it’s just a contact with finer materialities. [pause]
Much less trouble with this implace-able sense of self or me. [pause]
Jack: By unplace-able you mean you don’t know where to put it?
Alfred: I mean there’s no location for it. [pause]
And again this kind of emerging need for guidance. But now it is questioned as to its source because it may not be necessary to ask. The guidance is given. It feels more like a projection.
Jack: You’re not feeling a need, I think.
Alfred: Exactly! It’s from a lower realm – projecting something that is elsewhere.
Jack: Perhaps just associative.
Alfred: There’s a certain non-hurried but clear sense that the traces are being laid down of this teaching, of this guidance while at the same time a full witnessing of the diminution of this state is being offered.
Very clear that the physical tensions are appearing and so is the separateness of the mind’s activity. It shows up along the forehead, the solar plexus is tightening. It is showing up but very gradually. It’s like allowing two qualities to still exist.
Exactly like our previous sessions where as the daylight diminishes the starlight is still visible. That kind of a balancing point where both are present, coexisting.
Jack: Maybe that is how we’re really supposed to be.
Other postings in this series: Bodies, Bluish, The Cosmic Cleanup Team, The Joy of Taking My Place, Rescue & Ascension, A Continuity of Being, Creation, Rescue, The Empty Seat at the Table, Toxic Green, Pristine Stillness, What is Breathing?, Merging with the Light, The Alchemy of Transmuting Blue to White, Ascension, Montségur, Flood, Connecting Upward, The Thread, Ruby Eyes, Montségur 2, Quetzalcoatl, What We Have Bodies For, Slave Ships, Planetary Signs and Universal Perspectives, The Altar of Gold, The Breath Can Touch the Mind, The Battlefield That Has No End, The Quick and the Dead, The Relay Station, There Is No Difference, The Uninterrupted Chain of Beings Ascending, Adjusting a Planet’s Orbit, Our Living Planet, Body and Soul, In the Situation Room, Dark Blue Stellar Material, A Luminous Source.