Jack: Maybe I could ask right at the beginning that we might be helped in this session by whatever forces are appropriate and beneficial for us and for others, at whatever level is appropriate, knowing that other levels are more capable and all of this in the interest of a greater good.
Alfred: Just a sense of concentration and transition. There was a fear that started when I lay down and when you asked for help it was relieved. Specifically, a fear surrounded the breathing.
The awareness of my tendency to get anxious in the breath. Getting air is always a vulnerable place for me.
Jack: Right. Yes, we’ve seen that before.
Alfred: There was an apprehension at first – a watchful waiting.
Jack: There is a special quality of the silence that seems to somehow be a great support – even just remembering it brings something to this moment now.
Alfred: Yes. And it gives support. It holds a space without having to fill it with doing or thinking. [pause]
At first I thought it was a picture but it’s actually a moving picture – a whole street scene. It’s a European city. For some reason I think it’s European maybe because of the way people are dressed in summer suits, women with sundresses. It’s like a black and white film. The speed is also wrong, it’s running too fast.
I keep seeing a person facing me and then moving off camera. A young man in an Italian suit. It could have been my father. I’ve seen pictures of him as a young man – he was quite a dapper kind of person with a breast pocket handkerchief.
Every once in a while it moves into color. Still not a natural color but as if color film is being invented and is now being introduced.
The film continues – the same kind of fragment of accelerated walking, maybe greeting the photographer and then passing around.
Just a hunch – maybe it’s his first wedding. Before he married my mother. There would have been cameras then. [pause]
For a brief moment there was a circle of teenagers. Still the same kind of grainy film. Clapping hands as if in a circle dance. It’s very clear in the film – the white ankle socks they were wearing with sandals. [pause]
I was about to comment about how happy the scene is, including the street scene with him in his suit and the borsalino hat he was wearing. But then there is a sense of doom and apprehension. The people in the scene don’t know what is coming – the German occupation. [pause]
For some reason, I now see some blue beings in a larger circle in this dancing. Clearly blue. Hands on their shoulders. I think they are trying to communicate some warning or urgency that the happy young people don’t seem to be picking up at all.
I can clearly see them from the back. It’s funny. At first I thought it was an interference in transmission but then I saw the blue bodies. They put their arms around each other and they are significantly taller than the young people who are still in black and white, grainy, or not so grainy – young people dancing in a circle, quite carefree. And the blue ones kind of scrambling – not scrambling but with a sense of urgency. I see them from the back. I cannot see their faces. It’s as if there’s a second circle of them around the circle of young people.
Alfred: No, no. It seems like they’re in two separate worlds.
Very disturbing in the sense that there’s absolutely no possibility of communicating that sense of urgency that I feel in myself in looking at the picture.
Perhaps I’m one of those blue beings.
I’m remembering your idea that I should take an initiative and ask. I’m asking them if there is anything I could have done, should have done, that is necessary or anything I can receive now.
“Please advise me as to what your wish or intention is about what is going on here right now, so I can better understand what is required.” [pause]
An immediate lightness in the feet as if I’m floating. As if my body has left the couch. And a sense of intensity in the solar plexus like getting closer to something that is urgently needed. [pause]
I need to stay very, very, very still and not be distracted. [pause]
It’s almost like being at a post, at a position above some kind of death camp. With some kind of responsibility… for souls. [pause]
I’m not still enough, not quiet enough, yet. [pause]
It’s at the center of this dread that I need to be with.
There’s an aerial view of what might be Auschwitz-Birkenau. And I am in some way with others. I feel I need to breathe the air, the smoke coming out of the crematorium. Something like that. Breathe it, or cleanse it, or absorb it. [pause]
Jack: Yes. I think it will be clear what you need to do. [pause]
Alfred: I need to be very still to not be terrified by the screams. [pause]
There’s a kind of relief in finding my body. [pause]
There are definitely images of a fire that is burning so intensely that it’s unbearable. [pause]
The smell of burnt flesh. The words come with great reluctance. [pause]
Jack: Maybe there’s no need to speak the unspeakable. But you are there for a purpose. [pause]
Alfred: The body feels like a shell. It’s soon going to be lost. Finished. There’s no fear. There’s a certain kind of watching with no emotion. It’s a blazing flame. [pause]
No longer there. Overcast sky. Dark, dreary landscape. Clearly outside. An aerial view – which I had before too – of the camp. Now it’s different somehow. There’s a certain calm now. As if it’s no longer so agitating. I’m not indulging in what or how. I’m just staying. [pause]
The key is to stay really close to the back and the breath because I’m still back in the sky of the camp. [pause]
Jack: Perhaps something more needs to take place there.
Alfred: Yes. As if I’m waiting for some kin or some others to come. I’m stuck. I’m not free to ascend. [pause]
There is a certain part that sees the masses who are being led in, waiting for whatever it is – perhaps my people – someone – to join them. [pause]
I’m asking for help. [pause]
I’m being shown a ladder or a staircase. I am instructed to begin to climb. There’s a great reluctance to proceed.
Jack: [Sound suggesting “Really?”]
Alfred: There was a little scene of a child climbing into the upper bunk in a bed. Very different from the earlier scene. Dark blue sheets and pillow cases.
Jack: But is the ladder still offered as well?
Alfred: [voice gradually becoming stronger] It’s as if something transitioned. I didn’t track very carefully but I have arrived some place.
Such a pure children’s room. So familiar and so…
My mind is kind of speculating.
There’s room to deepen that.
Jack: Yes, it sounds like it needs to deepen. You don’t need to know why.
Alfred: I asked our helpers in a certain kind of questioning that was without words. What more am I to take from this or learn from this? I think I was shown that there’s no difference before and after. It’s the same… I was shown the life before the horrible death of this child. The fact that it was so vivid. No way of communicating that – the before and the after. Something like that. Not sure that I understand that.
But it was a kind of an answer to the dread I was feeling and the apprehension about this child. But now he looks very happy in a new bed. Very safe and comfortable and secure.
But the dreadful future is not at all entering and if it enters it makes no difference. Something along those lines. [pause]
I’m communicating that I’m ready to go on another mission and I’m told that was enough for you.
Jack: Enough for today?
Alfred: Enough for today. Don’t get too enthusiastic. But it was said with compassion from a face that I couldn’t recognize.
Jack: There was compassion towards you?
Jack: For you to be careful?
Alfred: To be careful but also I understand not so much the compassion toward what I’ve been through in witnessing that but in the new capacity to be active.
Jack: It’s also hard to measure the weight of what has taken place.
Alfred: I just had a little moment where something that is obscure and shapeless but alive is struggling towards me, struggling to reveal itself. It’s still not… I’m not quite ready to receive or it’s not quite ready to reveal itself or… It’s like a mass – something that I cannot even describe in terms of shape or form. Dark and ominous. Not ominous to me but…
Jack: So, perhaps this was a preparation for something.
Alfred: Yes. [pause]
Other postings in this series: Bodies, Bluish, The Cosmic Cleanup Team, The Joy of Taking My Place, Rescue & Ascension, A Continuity of Being, Creation, Rescue, The Empty Seat at the Table, Toxic Green, Pristine Stillness, What is Breathing?, Merging with the Light, The Alchemy of Transmuting Blue to White, Ascension, Montségur, Flood, Connecting Upward, The Thread, Ruby Eyes, Montségur 2, Quetzalcoatl, What We Have Bodies For, Slave Ships, Planetary Signs and Universal Perspectives, The Altar of Gold, The Breath Can Touch the Mind, The Battlefield That Has No End, The Quick and the Dead, The Relay Station, There Is No Difference.