Jack: Because we’ve been working now for a long time it seems there’s a part that knows what needs to be let go of. That’s what I feel as we’re beginning.
Alfred: Yes, it’s a very natural coming to the moment. And to the body. And it feels like there’s an awareness of a need for help from an unknown part, an unknown entity. But it feels still early in this preparation to ask for that help. One has to really be in a state of attunement to ask.
Jack: Yes, that makes sense. [pause]
Alfred: It’s so interesting how the whole experience of one’s boundaries changes. The air is much more alive now. [long pause]
It’s useful to track how those different areas of tension or anxiety or thinking are gradually dissolving.
Jack: Yes, it’s good to track it – to be aware of what’s taking place. [long pause]
Alfred: There is this familiar opening to the sky. I’m facing the starry night.
Jack: The night sky…
Alfred: Gradually dimming into the night sky. At the same time, there was this very distinct sensation of being carried on some kind of a bed. Just a sense of movement. I’m facing the sky. It’s as if I’m already dead or very ill or maybe I’m some kind of a… For some reason those beings are carrying me. I feel I’m on a fancy stretcher…
Jack: A palanquin maybe.
Alfred: It feels more like something royal. I had this image of some kind of ritual in which I’m carried. I don’t know whether I’m alive or not to those people who are carrying me but, as I’m being carried, I’m definitely experiencing all around me the whole sky, the full sky. [pause]
The shape of the body has that distinct taste of being within, of being individual but also being aware, observing from the outside. Both are there. So I have some perception of that from the outside. The shape of the body feels like one of those Egyptian deities. I probably should know the name of it but I’ve forgotten it. It has a dog’s head.
Jack: It’s a jackal I think.
Alfred: Maybe. It has a pointy snout. [Later we discover that it’s Anubis – the god that leads you to the other world] [long pause]
There’s a sense that I’m being carried in that way and it’s now less about being the actual being but more an awareness that it’s a long journey. I’m carried a long way because something had to be transferred or migrated or… There’s a destination for me to be transferred in that way. I don’t know if it’s because I’m not able to walk, or I’m infirm or if it’s a kind of respect given to my body because that’s the ritual or that’s the form that it needs to take.
But there’s a wish for guidance here.
Jack: Maybe now is the moment to ask for that…
Alfred: “How, in what way, can I serve what is needed? So that I can be of help to whatever process it is that is revealed to me now.” [pause]
I have a sense of arrival. I can mention that it’s a desert landscape and it seems like an oasis of some sort. Palm trees and so on. It’s as if whatever it is that is me is being stood up, moved from horizontal to vertical. [pause]
There is a feeling of getting closer to the essence of the purpose of this. [pause]
I had a glimpse of that deity. Much more elaborate. A gold mask covered with a kind of blue headdress – a very distinct blue, cobalt blue margins along the headdress. I’m not it, I’m witnessing it. Probably there was some confusion. My mind cannot really draw the difference between being it and serving it on its journey. [pause]
There’s something particular about that desert landscape. It’s like a canyon or a rock formation within which that deity is being stood up. It’s now standing up.
Maybe in preparation for a particular ritual or ceremony. [pause]
Jack: Are there any feelings here you can mention?
Alfred: There was some feeling before of anticipation, of coming closer to a source or the center of this action or this activity. But I’m not… It feels like I need to be much more quiet…
Jack: Yes. [pause]
Alfred: Something is not quick enough to perceive. [long pause]
Two notions come… First there’s a group waiting for the arrival of someone, some dignitary or some person of great consequence. I had a quick image of a person wearing white and making his way to this gathering in the desert. And second, that the landscape struck me as a pre-Santa Katarina site, the site of Santa Katarina prior to the establishment of the monastery. And I had these flashbacks to my visit to Santa Katarina. [in a previous session] Something about that landscape is very compelling. It might be a place where something much, much more ancient than the monastery existed. [pause]
Jack: And the white figure – is there more about that?
Alfred: It hasn’t arrived yet. It was just a glimpse. But an awareness now that perhaps this trip was taken with much more urgency – as a moving away from some flooding, some destruction.
It’s not so much a canyon but more an elevated place there. As if I’m looking… very compellingly… back to where we came from… from a mountain that is protruding from the desert landscape which would be Jebel Musa – just with some relief that we’ve been able to survive, make it through. [pause]
It’s very clear that I’m not given the help that I have come to expect here… as if whatever is guiding this session is instructive. I know what I’ve been told many times, what needs to be taking place and what I need to do to be receptive – which is to let go of the body in a certain way.
Jack: Yes, and we’ve spoken about your being more active in that regard too. Not just letting things happen but…
Alfred: Yes. And that’s helpful. [pause]
Something has to be let go in order to be received. [pause]
And with that letting go, there’s much more of a feeling of a blue being tending to my body – as I’ve had previously. With my more open state it can be re-engaged; it’s interrupted when I’m not sensitive.
Jack: It’s almost as if you forget who you are.
Alfred: Yes. [pause]
It feels as though they have revived me or that they are nursing me in some way. [pause]
It’s like I’m taking my first breaths with them. [pause]
I’m much clearer about the activity of the blue beings around me than I was before. They are very concerned and they are occupied with reviving me, tending to me in a such a way that feels like I’m breathing now into that blue body. [37:35] [pause]
The density of the blue bodies around me seems to vary not so much with who they are but with my degree of sensitivity. As does my body too. [pause]
Something becomes stronger in the need to be present. A kind of an indication to focus on what is now and the absolute necessity of knowing what’s going on. [pause]
It seems like the awareness is moving to the heart. A certain need to open the very specific… Being with that closure and perhaps fear. Which is experienced as density.
It is like being on the threshold of recognizing that I may be the being they’ve been waiting for. And kind of a refusal to accept that. Because it is a bit overwhelming to be that. [pause]
But it’s clear that there’s a responsibility I have to face, that something cannot proceed without something connecting, opening.
So again I’m in the same place of prayer for help. [pause]
There’s a certain level of desperation in that prayer that I’m in charge of these survivors around me. [pause]
I have a glimpse of a ladder, that ladder from the last session. [pause]
Something has to open up to see that ladder, or that staircase as it’s going up, as it’s ascending. Without that, there’s no ascension. [pause]
Something opens along the back. Along the vertical. It’s as if I can find my feet again. I think there’s an energy that allows me to take action. It seems like the others are following.
Jack: Yes, something in you knows.
Alfred: It’s as if I was trying to see what’s ahead and once I actually sensed the first step under my foot, it’s the only thing I need to know.
It’s a very, very specific experience of a very solid place to rest my foot – it’s not steel, it’s not hard wood, but it feels very solid.
Jack: Very important, yes, to feel that support beneath you. [pause]
Alfred: Night sky and it’s like an ancient city that we are climbing up on a stair. It has all kinds of ancient buildings and we continue to ascend. [pause] Dark sky. But the air is very clear. It’s like Istanbul or Cairo – some city with a lot of minarets and things like that.
It feels much more like I’m in a chain of people, beings ascending.
Ascending is not a physical movement. It’s an awareness of the step on which my feet rest. [pause]
As long as the awareness is clear and undisturbed, there’s a participation in this upward motion which right now is already way beyond… the landscape is very small, distant, still a glimmering lights, seen from great heights. [pause]
You can sense the part that wishes to arrive but there’s another conviction that this ascent is a movement with no end. [pause] There is no destination. [pause]
The destination is the ascent. There’s a part that wishes to arrive and I may not be able to sustain this… this staying with… and yet there’s an awareness of the being ahead of me and the being behind me and the responsibility for continuing uninterrupted. It requires everything.
There is a sense of a certain lightness. As if the atmosphere has changed. Like above clouds. As if we broke through something. Something is a little lighter in the effort as if something… like being able to travel a larger distance with the same effort… something like that.
It feels like we’re arriving at the end of this session but there’s an important part of consolidation at the end of it which is a certain way of… The arrival may obscure the path and so there’s an effort to just remember, mark as deeply as possible how critical it was – and has been – to stay with the sense of the feet on the steps.
Alfred: Very, very specific.
Jack: And perhaps also the person in front of you and the person behind you.
Alfred: Exactly that, yes. And a feeling of belonging and gratitude to that. [pause]
My physical body makes itself known. It’s interesting – I’m opening my eyes and the ceiling seems to be both there and at the same time the sky is perceptible through it. Both are there with no contradiction.
Jack: Yes, I think it’s important to be aware of the two at the same time. It helps.
Alfred: No difference.
Jack: Right. No difference.
Alfred: And not in a way that requires any type of resolution but just awareness.
Other postings in this series: Bodies, Bluish, The Cosmic Cleanup Team, The Joy of Taking My Place, Rescue & Ascension, A Continuity of Being, Creation, Rescue, The Empty Seat at the Table, Toxic Green, Pristine Stillness, What is Breathing?, Merging with the Light, The Alchemy of Transmuting Blue to White, Ascension, Montségur, Flood, Connecting Upward, The Thread, Ruby Eyes, Montségur 2, Quetzalcoatl, What We Have Bodies For, Slave Ships, Planetary Signs and Universal Perspectives, The Altar of Gold, The Breath Can Touch the Mind, The Battlefield That Has No End, The Quick and the Dead, The Relay Station, There Is No Difference, The Uninterrupted Chain of Beings Ascending.