[pause as we begin]
Alfred: There’s our beginning.
Jack: Yes. You can feel it, can’t you?
Alfred: A certain chain of transmission.
Jack: Something. Something changes. As if the air is different. As if the atmosphere is different. I also feel it as an expansion as well. Although it’s strange – the words don’t fit exactly. It’s not exactly an expansion either but it’s certainly a departure from the head.
Alfred: It’s the wish to transcend that makes it so clear that there’s nothing to transcend but that there’s more to perceive or receive.
Jack: And don’t you feel as well that there’s a shift in the organs of perception at the same time?
Alfred: Yes, they are less localized in the ears and the eyes
Jack: Less localized in the physical body.
Alfred: They move to the skin, and to the envelope.
Jack: There’s something vital about how you always mention the connection to the breath. There’s something so important there.
Alfred: Exactly. It’s a living question – the question of the breath. It’s clear that it sustains more than just the physical body.
Jack: Yes. And we have clues about that. It’s the same word in Hebrew isn’t it?
Alfred: Yes! You just bring me right back to the lower abdomen with that and to my roots in Hebrew. Neshama. The whole way that the Creator has breathed the soul into Adam.
Jack: Yes and you see it in shamanic traditions – all over – in Egypt too – the ankh being held to the lips.
Alfred: It’s such a direct teaching. The breath is really the breath of the creator. We are given the breath of the creator. We participate in that.
The notions of in-breath and out-breath. The out-breath is not out-breath, it’s breath into another body. [long pause]
There’s a feeling of trust that the body is held, or carried or floated. In a certain way I am both experiencing it floating and seeing it floating.
Jack: Yes, I think there are different sense perceptions at work. They don’t work quite the same way. [pause]
Alfred: There’s a sense of being looked after. [pause]
There’s a kind of patient passing through layers of associations of previous sessions and the mind’s need to know or to draw conclusions about this or that – so it takes time.
Jack: Yes, it seems to take time.
Alfred: So to allow this trust to be lead by feeling – the feeling of trust and being looked after, trusting that. [pause]
Definitely a sense that the head is opening up. The whole perception of vision is no longer vision, it’s a total perception of whatever is going on above and to the sides. The head is very soft and sensitive. There’s a lucidity that is growing. [pause]
The importance of the body that’s lying here breathing is acknowledged but it is no longer the center of experiencing.
Certain feelings of proximity to a source are coming. Longing. Gratitude. [voice shaking]
It’s almost like I’m being acknowledged in a way. But also I am instructed not to be taken by the feeling and to pay attention to the whole experience and especially the other parts that are perceiving something that I wasn’t paying attention to. [pause]
There was a feeling in the past that I was directed without knowing it to this cabin as a holy place. [The cabin where Alfred is located during this session.] That feeling came again just now. [pause]
I’m asking for instructions – not in words but inwardly. What is my obligation, my responsibility? I’m being told to just stay present. [pause]
The feeling is that I’m about to be shown or meet some beings that are very dear to me, that I have not seen for a long time, or that are very precious to me. That’s the feeling; I’m not sure if the content is right.
Jack: Yes, I think often you have the feeling first. It makes sense.
Alfred: The feeling intensifies. [voice shaking]
When I was riding today [on the bike] there was a sign, “Invite Jesus to your Christmas.” I’m saying that just now because I thought it was kind of silly when I rode by it, but now I’m very moved by it because there is an image of him that is coming nearer. [pause]
It’s almost as if my mind is not allowing me to perceive him directly. So there are small icons instead of seeing him in the flesh which is what the feeling would suggest.
Jack: Well, once again I think patience is required. [pause]
Alfred: The perception becomes more of a certainty that my circulatory system is much larger than what I know about. As if I’m connected to a much larger system of blood vessels, to a much larger body perhaps. The heart that is beating is very different. That is part of a change of being with him.
Jack: Yes, I think it makes sense that you have to be different if you are with him.
Alfred: I see the obstacle very clearly. For this transformation to take place, I have to give up any idea that I have about anything. Really.
It’s not I who give up. I see that the obstacle, the constrictions are in the mind mostly. The heart is ready to receive.
And yet the heart alone cannot approach him. It’s interesting.
Jack: Yes, that is interesting. So again it may be a question of consciousness, awareness.
Alfred: It’s the instability of something in the mind. Something doesn’t quicken. [pause]
I’m being shown that the breath can touch the mind. [pause]
An opening begins. At the top of the head is a dark sky, a starry sky. No barrier.
[voice shaking] It’s like remorse you know. He’s showing me that he cannot help me when I enclose myself. As if he’s saying, “I cannot find you when you live in your small self.”
He cannot find me. [pause]
He’s saying, “You need not be afraid any more.”
“All that you project outside is inside.”
I actually don’t see him. It’s as if the words are being spoken inside of myself. It’s as if he joins my being, my perception.
He is patiently waiting with me for my distractions to subside, showing me how to let something rise and fall away and still be found again, and again. [pause]
He draws my attention to the body, to my body, which is luminous.
It’s as if I’m asking him… but I know that when it’s over I will not remember any of that and he repeatedly… You see he… it’s in connecting… It’s not that… Just… Everything that he shows me… He shows me that… I need to strengthen my faith, my trust. [pause]
It’s interesting. It’s as if he knows I dread the moment that he’ll be gone and it’s as if he lets me go through this to show me that it’s me who’s gone. It’s so clear that the dread is my own doing. It’s so clear that he is there. He is there. [pause]
Jack: Once again, a teaching.
Alfred: I hear those familiar questions piling up in me like “What if…” and “How do I…” and he just allows all that to subside.
It’s the same benevolent character from Santa Katerina throughout, the same presence. Much more real now as a human being. [Referring to one of the first sessions that involved the monastery of Santa Katerina at the foot of Mount Sinai.]
It’s so clear that there’s no end to this but there’s a part of me that wishes to end it or doubts its ability to receive it. [pause]
I think there’s a certain way in which that luminosity in the body which has come to the fore again, the body’s larger dimension, and its porousness are meant to be a mark. I am recognizing not so much the need for this but my limitation. I’m given that sensation for future reference. Like a thread. Very clear that this is not the destination. It’s the condition from which I can meet him. It’s so clear. [pause]
I can see how my greediness prevents me from fully perceiving this. I have to let go of it and accept that this will come to an end and allow whatever he’s giving me to be fully, fully realized.
It’s that golden quality of the body. Gold and luminous. With a particular concentration between the eyes but spread all over the body. [pause]
The physical body is contained within the envelope of light. There is no contradiction but simply a difference in density. The physical body gradually makes itself more prominent while there is still a sensitivity to the larger envelope. [pause]
The greatest change is accepting… again and again accepting those two natures. [pause] [audible breath out]
I felt that this is an absolutely necessary session following last week’s session [The Altar of Gold] because there’s something that was not received entirely in the last session. There was an urgency to receive this. From where I am now – which is more my ordinary state – the last session presented a demand for service, for participating in something much beyond myself. And in today’s session I’m receiving something that feels like it could build a capacity to be of service in a way that I could not last week.
Jack: Well, they’re both very important.
I wanted to tell you after the last session that there’s still too much of me in that whole process.
Alfred: And now in this session, it felt like the direction was to make a clear distinction between ordinary association, speculation and direct experience. Direct experience is more what happened today.
Jack: It’s a kind of integration too I think. Something is being integrated. That image of the altar was so powerful.
And the kneeling circle of blue beings.
Jack: Yes, that too.
The two sessions go together; they’re a pair.
Other postings in this series: Bodies, Bluish, The Cosmic Cleanup Team, The Joy of Taking My Place, Rescue & Ascension, A Continuity of Being, Creation, Rescue, The Empty Seat at the Table, Toxic Green, Pristine Stillness, What is Breathing?, Merging with the Light, The Alchemy of Transmuting Blue to White, Ascension, Montségur, Flood, Connecting Upward, The Thread, Ruby Eyes, Monségur 2, Quetzalcoatl, What We Have Bodies For, Slave Ships, Planetary Signs and Universal Perspectives, The Altar of Gold, The Breath Can Touch the Mind.