Alfred: A change of temperature that’s quite significant in the left arm – left hand, palm, and wrist. It feels very warm – almost hot. [pause]
Some type of a source of heat on the left.
I need to take time to sort out what my mind is feeding me and what just comes directly from…
Jack: From what is just sensation?
Pulsating. As if it has its own life… like a separate organism.
Jack: Well, even though the ordinary mind may want to interfere, the deeper mind may have something to bring. The subconscious or some deeper source of material. But the sensation is what is important here – pulsation – heat. [pause]
Alfred: I’m saying that so you can orient yourself too… Just so you know what’s going on. I need to really resist the part that wishes to get ahead. I need to allow something to mature or concentrate so that there’s no rushing.
Jack: Yes. Does it help to just focus on what’s happening energetically?
Alfred: It’s a kind of allowing something to take place while keeping curiosity and the need to know at bay.
Jack: Yes, right.
Alfred: By staying close to the sensation.
Alfred: It feels like there’s a certain pressure to produce content. I don’t know whether it’s from you or from me. There are previous sessions that we’ve had and it’s as if I have a reputation to keep up. So I’m letting go of that.
The experience is of the body being incredibly porous as if it’s made of particles with large spaces between them. Shape shifting. There is a kind of awareness that is still there of this. But the shape of whatever it is that the body is – the mind cannot make sense of why would that be me. The sense of individuality is not affected by the change of density.
There is a feeling that the parts are coming together. In the mind there’s a certain holding back as a result of some constriction in the solar plexus. A certain constriction there that is just… it feels very real to be in touch with it. Without doing anything to it.
Jack: Good. [pause]
Alfred: Greater trust in this process.
Jack: Yes, well, you know the resources are there… the resources of trust. It’s very good.
Alfred: I am entering the breath as a communication. [pause]
It’s like I’m being looked after very attentively by someone… or more than one person. Great benevolence.
It’s so critical not to be taken by association. There’s a kind of awareness that the person or people who are looking after me have great concern for me. Perhaps the fear that I sense or the constriction in the solar plexus is a kind of refusal of some awareness that I am close to death. It feels like I’m invited to open up to that.
There’s no one else but Jesus Christ who would be looking after me. Part of me is kind of a little in disbelief. The features are kind of similar. Great concern in his eyes. It seems like he is coming, making frequent visits to what seems to be quarters in perhaps a monastery, a hospital, or… something.
A very interesting and very specific concern. It’s not a concern in general about my well-being. Feelings come up more now. It’s a concern about helping me to let go of my grasping or my fear – my not willing, my not understanding the transition I need to go through. That grasping. I can see it in his eyes – that kind of… I need to stay with that because it brings a certain remorse for holding onto my form.
Jack: There must be great support in being able to look at his eyes…
Alfred: Yes. There’s a certain remorse in not fully trusting what he offers. Not allowing myself to receive it fully.
There’s a certain way in which I sense the places of fear and holding in me. There’s nothing to do but just to be fully with that. [pause]
And at the same time there is this glimpses of how this is just a form that will dissolve.
It’s actually along the breathing that something is receiving support.
The temperature on the left side, on the left hand… It just occurs to me that he might be holding my hand.
Jack: That certainly makes sense…
Alfred: There’s a certain way in which he’s telling me or I’m being told that I know all I need to know now. Can I trust what I already know? It’s the trust that is wavering, fluctuating.
What I call death or what my mind would call death is such a familiar process at another level – one that I’ve been through many, many times before. Can I pierce through the illusion that this is different from all the other times that were faced before?
Something opens up around the heart. [pause] Flowing from the hand… from the hand, arm, shoulder into the heart. A transfusion of love, of trust. And light.
For a long time it was exactly at the midline – half was light and illuminated and the other half insisting on darkness and refusal. But now something opens up. The light seems to circulate. [pause]
Very bright light throughout the body. The back is still sensed as a support. At the same time, it feels lifted. Less and less doing; more and more being carried. Trusting. The forehead, the third eye area is opening up and dissolving into light – very bright light.
No fear. Still a very clear sensation from the left arm… on what was received.
Gratitude. Light undiminished. [long pause]
There’s a sense of having arrived at some place that’s beautiful and calm and has buildings and grasses. Part of me is less interested in that than in what has been received just now. Almost as if I don’t need to worry about the arrival so much as I do about really fully learning, fully absorbing the lesson, the instruction.
Jack: Yes. Something to hold in the heart.
It’s kind of an odd way of saying it, and it shows the way that my mind begins to appear a little more but what we ordinarily called death is actually life. It’s “topsy turvy,” we could say.
Jack: Yes. We see everything upside down.
Alfred: It feels like something is consolidating. I’m not interfering with that. The type of material that has been received is being integrated, becoming part of something. It needs to have its time and respect. [pause]
I recognize the more ordinary positive effects of this by the openness in the throat and nose and whatever cleared up in my breathing which was constricted.
I didn’t know before we started that I was praying for the heart to open.
Jack: Yes. We live so separated from the part inside that knows what’s needed.
I feel like there’s a very natural transition and that simply what was received was received. A very deep lesson about grasping. And fear.
Jack: Yes and about the pathway to the heart.
Alfred: Yes. Very specific.
I didn’t recognize that the warmth in my left hand was a result of it being held by somebody. Quite remarkable.
Jack: Yes. For me too. The body is just so much more direct in its transmission of understanding.
Alfred: It’s an organ of perception.
Jack: So much more powerful than the mind.
Alfred: Entirely different. Yes.
Other postings in this series: Bodies, Bluish, The Cosmic Cleanup Team, The Joy of Taking My Place, Rescue & Ascension, A Continuity of Being, Creation, Rescue, The Empty Seat at the Table, Toxic Green, Pristine Stillness, What is Breathing?, Merging with the Light, The Alchemy of Transmuting Blue to White, Ascension, Montségur, Flood, Connecting Upward, The Thread, Ruby Eyes, Monségur 2, Quetzalcoatl.