Jack: It’s as if we’re always starting with a question mark as we approach the unknown. I don’t want to say too much because the silence is important. But I have a sense this morning that there’s a specific movement that needs to take place inside which I would like to understand better. A movement of… I was going to say “opening” but we use that word too much… But a movement that brings me into a relationship with forces, presences, which are already part of this session.
There seems to be a very specific area of my being that has to be in a specific relationship to allow something to take place. Not much needs to be said about that but I do need to be in relationship. It can be sensed in the body. For me, at the moment, it’s a barely perceptible movement in the chest… And a similar movement in the forehead.
Alfred: The body prepares itself for this process by relaxing. There’s a certain way in which it allows for a much larger presence than the physical dimensions. As if it takes its proper place in relation to a much larger experience. For that, it begins to relax further. In the chest, in the forehead. [pause]
Something has to get close to that state of somnolence without sleeping. It’s just one of those gaps. It seems like something blinked into sleep but awareness is starting…
Jack: Yes, I think this is something we’re both learning about – the approach to the subconscious part requires us to be close to sleep but we need to not fall asleep. It requires a vigilance that is not connected to the mind, the ordinary thinking. Or maybe just a caring, a kind of care. [pause]
Is there an engagement with the back, Alfred? Or what parts of the body are involved.
Alfred: Passing kind of images. Very fast. Can’t report them.
Jack: That’s often what happens at the beginning and indicates a certain level or state that’s present. We just need to be patient.
Alfred: It’s good you brought my attention to the body. I was drifting. [pause]
There’s a finer vibration around the back – actually enveloping the whole body.
There’s still a restlessness in the mind as it tries to describe, tries to orient itself. I see that it is a very different quality than the overall presence. It needs to just be allowed to subside by itself. I cannot wish it away.
Jack: No, it not good to try to banish it. It needs to just chug away in the background. It doesn’t necessarily have to lead to anything spoken.
Alfred: Something wants to draw on past experience and I need to come back to this present moment.
Jack: Fortunately, we have the body to help us.
Alfred: It feels like the body is very supportive now – fully. The sensation of full contact with the couch is allowing the body to receive something that is much finer.
It’s like the top of the body is becoming less dense and allows some radiation or some forces that are above to penetrate, or come closer. A greater sensitivity along the top layer of the body. With a sense of the support of the back. A bit like floating.
Something is becoming attached to the hara – literally – a certain kind of connection is being made. I need to stay with the whole thing. [pause]
I need to stay active. It’s not a matter of passively receiving something. [pause]
There is a sense that something is concentrating and that the perception of space – interstellar space – is beginning to appear.
Alfred: It feels like I’m receiving some type of transfusion of a finer substance through the hara. It requires its own pace – a pace in which it can be received in my body. It cannot be accelerated. If I’m not patient with it, I begin to make things up.
It seems like the restriction is less in the mind and more in the heart – something is having difficulty in letting go. Finding that and allowing that substance to permeate. Just aware of that. A tightness. There’s something like fear or… You can’t rush love.
An image of the ocean, of the sunset on Saturday comes just with a sense of the aliveness of the water and the light. It brings up feelings.
Jack: So it sounds like it’s related to what is needed in the area of the heart.
Alfred: Exactly. The warmth of the sun.
It’s very clear that it’s light that is reflected from the sun to the mind to the heart. It’s the mind and the heart that need to open to each other.
It’s such a familiar obstacle: the letting go and the wish to let go. Both are seen clearly. A longing to be touched by the light and yet still something that’s afraid to let go.
The breath is very helpful.
The body almost entirely transparent. Something can see the earth underneath it.
It’s as if I am given this continuing difficulty of transition as a teaching in what needs to take place.
Jack: Yes, and the time that’s required.
The ripples of thought seem to be much more on the surface while the center seems to be much calmer.
Jack: Would you say that there’s a kind of depth there now that wasn’t there before?
Alfred: Yes. And the perspective is different. It’s from above and views a body that is transparent. It’s experienced as a body lying here and at the same time whatever is underneath it – which seems to be grass or ground – is visible to that look.
Alfred: It’s not entirely so… There is some constriction around the chest and perhaps around the head. A different relationship with the physical body is possible.
Jack: There is something that is required of you. Certainly your attention. Perhaps something else too.
Alfred: And a kind of inkling of feelings as in: “I’ve been awaited. I’ve been expected.” That particular feeling. It begins to open up at the edges. As if other beings have been expecting me. I’m not yet aware of the specifics but there is an arrival at a place where I’ve been expected. [pause]
It’s hard to describe this blue structure. Like a space that is deeply blue, round. It’s hard to judge the size of it but I think I’m part of it. I’m in it.
A particular kind of device. [pause]
A huge bowl that is made out of some substance that is blue. I’m not sure if I’m the only one there. Probably not. It’s too big for one person. It could fit hundreds of people.
The center is kind of all concentrating to a center point where there’s something that is organic to the structure. I can see the opening of it. It feels like a living structure. It’s not made of stone or anything… There is something through which energy is flowing into the body of that bowl. I said it’s blue. It seems like the inside is kind of light blue but the dominant color is a kind of bluish blue, an indigo.
It seems like that’s where I’m appearing – in that transition. I’m lying on… It’s visible to me but it’s not clear to me what my body is doing. It’s more like a witnessing of this. [pause]
It reminds me a little of the structure of a flower – like a tulip or something which has at its center whatever the correct botanical name is for that stem that holds the pollen. But it’s hollow – it’s like a pipe. It might be even vibrating. It’s where there might be something traveling through it.
It’s like a heartbeat. The whole thing vibrates in a certain way – like a contraction. [pause]
There’s a part of me that wishes to say that I could be witnessing the conception and birthing of a blue being. I am being one. [pause]
The awareness of the gradual formation of a blue body. The mind is so impatient and wishes to complete the story. I have to watch out for that.
Jack: Yes. I think it’s very good to be entirely focused on what is taking place visually and in your body.
Jack: Yes, sensorially.
Alfred: There’s a kind of rhythm like a heartbeat or a contraction.
Some sense of fingers that are blue passing in front of my face. They may be my own or not. What my mind would call an embryonic experience.
What feels lacking is the sense of belonging. The feeling. The feeling could be a help – that “being expected” feeling.
Jack: Is that feeling not there any more?
Alfred: No, it seems to have subsided. I’m more preoccupied or aware of the physical developments, the sensation.
But there’s a kind of flickering awareness of a light towards which all this development, all this process is oriented. The way you would see light from under water. Not clearly defined but… approaching. [pause]
It’s a matter of allowing myself to know what I know directly and not through the mind – a kind of emergence into loving blue arms. Not entirely confident in that…
Jack: The feeling… You can concentrate on the feeling, right?
It seems as though I was expected by more than just the one person who is holding me. Because the room is full of… It’s a much larger room with many blue beings. [pause]
It’s as if I’m being shown. I’m sitting on another being. It feels like a person of great authority. With my back supported, facing the crowd. As if I’m being shown to the gathering.
Jack: By this being of great authority?
Alfred: Yes, it feels like I am straddled on the right thigh or lap – held by this person who is wearing some particular insignia. I’m very small compared to the size of the person holding me. [pause]
It’s not clear… So much is happening.
A flashback to what appears to be a mishap undergone by a predecessor, some kind of accident. It feels like some kind of machinery that crushed or greatly damaged that predecessor because my appearance seems to be of great solemnity and a great relief to the gathering.
Perhaps I was rescued, perhaps I’m back to the being who was traumatized. Rescued or revived or…
There’s like a kind of gold insignia that I’m wearing around the neck. And on the head.
You know, the back of that being who is holding me gradually diminishes into being the back of some kind of throne or chair that is at an elevation. As if I’ve grown into a full being without knowing it from the inside… in a way just from that sensation.
Before that, there was a kind of specific image that intruded – the image of a catastrophe. I am not clear whether it was a spacecraft crashing or some machinery that malfunctioned but it led to a need to search for an heir or recreate something. It was at great cost to this community. I seem to be the result of that.
Now I’m kind of at the helm on some kind of a throne, slightly elevated, not very high above the gathering.
What’s so distinct is the awareness of the front of the head. It is enlarged – twice the size it would be in humans – or more. All in blue. That’s common to everybody. A kind of protrusion of the frontal lobes.
Jack: Much bigger forehead then?
Alfred: Yes. I’m sensing it from the inside. Very different anatomy. The eyes are embedded underneath. You can see how you’d be restricted in the upward gaze because you have that protrusion of the forehead.
It seems like feelings are needed to bring the pieces together.
Jack: Yes. [pause]
Alfred: Just as I was looking at my brethren there, I see that they look desperate or bereft. And I’m kind of searching, because I need to help this community.
There’s a certain light that begins to be accessible above from which some guidance will be needed. A kind of connection is being formed from the people, passing through me and on to that light, and it has to do with the forehead. I’m being a channel for that. [pause]
I see the lapses in giving myself completely to this.
The last thing I remember before this lapse was awareness that something has to be radically changed in the way this community has… I have an awareness that they will not appreciate what I’m about to share with them… whatever it is that needs to be given up. Important to lead by example.
I have to give up the form of this body. There’s an awareness that I just now received this form and already I have to surrender it. The light is somehow getting stronger with that approaching acceptance. It’s like there is no other way around it. The resistance is not coming from the center but from the periphery… which helps. [pause]
As long as I stay with the light which is white and is right above my head, there is no fear. Something has to stay very active in making that choice to remain with the light.
I cannot be concerned with the others, with thoughts or fears.
It feels like there’s a kind of shell-like quality to the physical body.
Every second there’s a risk of attaching to what is gradually fading in the physical body – which is blue. Like the hands – like little attachments to different parts of the body that have particular value. Memory of how those parts have been used, or have been serving me or giving me pleasure. The face. The place where I was recognized. A certain sadness.
It’s clear that those identifications are weakening the concentration on the light. I have to come back to that. It’s not even coming to that – it’s allowing that attraction to continue to have its affect. Letting it just work on me. [pause]
I have a fear of looking at the others. I know it will be a huge distraction to see the grief or the sadness on their faces. I’m avoiding that but it seems necessary to separate from that too. That’s where feelings come. It’s almost that I don’t dare to see how grief-stricken they are. I identify parents there. Family. It makes it very difficult to… to stay with the light. It’s almost like the form has been left already but I linger there with great difficulty separating. My mind is casting some doubts. All of this feels still in movement towards the light. The light is not that far away. It is nearby.
It’s as though that scene, or the visual of the people watching – sad, mourning, clinging – is fading, as the light is the only thing. It is not in their awareness. Still with an edge of darkness and vanishing awareness of anything other than the light. [pause]
Jack: Does the light touch only you or does it touch the others as well…
Alfred: The others are no longer there. I’m imbedded in this sphere of light. It’s still with an awareness of something about that individuality but with no form. Still with clear awareness of where I came from and the images of the others. Clearly aware that I’m in a very different realm. I am part of what is the substance of my essence. Knowing that I’m where I need to be. Where I belong. There is no “I” any more to the I-ness. It’s the whole sphere that I’m part of. Where everything that I’ve been is a kind of knowing that somehow something will materialize again… There is a wishing to absorb as much of this light, energy, prior to perhaps another incarnation, a separation… [pause]
There is still formlessness but it seems I’m getting closer to a form that will be either picked for me or that somehow I’ll be attracted to or will be attracted to me. In the very bright light some contours are appearing – different forms, perhaps of beings. [pause]
It’s like a human form – a form which is the current form. And it’s very clear that it has its origin in the blue creature, the blue being that preceded it. But I don’t have great confidence in that. There’s a feeling of it. There’s some kind of memory that will remain of that blue being which this human form originated from, once was. Although there are some images of other beings. I don’t feel like it’s a matter of any choice but more of the quality, the physics, of what is taking place. The compatibility of vibration.
A big waterfall of light from which these forms begin to flow down.
Something about the breathing now has come into my awareness. Perhaps almost being sworn to remember something about it as a link, as a thread. As though I’m being sent with some thread of instruction into this reincarnation. Not to forget…
It feels like something is diminishing in this light – becoming more greyish, brownish. Like an envelope, while it’s still very bright within. [pause]
There is almost a certainty of the human embryo – less and less of that light. A sense of being rolled up, floating.
What’s interesting is outside as well as inside. There is a sensation and view of this embryo, or maybe fetus by now. [pause]
It still has the light as a fragment, something that is gold and embedded in the abdomen. Like a particle. Something that is more like a metal than a radiation. Or something like a mineral or a crystal. It is greatly diminished but still very clear. [pause]
There was a view, maybe imaginary, from the 1950s, houses with terraces, maybe the environment where the hospital is where I was born. Tall trees. Something very specific about the time and the place.
Jack: It’s just what’s there. Don’t worry about its validity. But there is kind of winding down now, right?
Alfred: Yes, there is and yet at the same time I’m not giving up on this thread from where I originated.
Jack: Yes, I think you need to find a way to make sure that that is not forgotten.
Alfred: The kind of golden particle. There is a most clear kind of conviction of it being almost radioactive, a golden particle somewhere in the hara. It is the last consistent part that remained from the larger, all-embracing light. It is there to be discovered, to guide.
And there was feeling towards my mother. Knowing that I would be met with great love. Great expectation and anticipation. Image of her with black hair and very youthful. She has been anticipating my arrival so desperately.