Alfred: There’s already a sense that the body is not the ordinary body with its familiar contours.
Jack: So the contour is somewhat larger than the one lying on your bed.
Alfred: Yes. It becomes less of a form and more of an energetic presence.
Jack: Could you say an envelope?
Alfred: Yes. With a concentration around the head, the solar plexus and the spine. [pause]
Jack: It seems to me there’s also a kind of quietening in the awareness, in the consciousness; something is becoming more relaxed there as well.
Alfred: It’s like another quality that takes the lead over the ordinary consciousness.
And there’s a letting go of the impulse to lead and a little more trust in a quality that is not coming from the ordinary mind.
Jack: Yes, it seems very important to really trust that the leading is taking place from elsewhere. And after all these times we’ve seen how that allowing is very reliable.
Alfred: Yes. [pause]
A certain care and patience is needed to allow the time it takes for the process to mature. [pause]
The breath now begins to take its proper place in the sense that it has its own life and becomes more central to the experience. [pause]
Jack: As if there are a number of factors that have to come together in the right way without being pushed or forced, but having to find their place.
Maybe it’s important too that you choose to speak when it feels right to speak and to remain silent when it doesn’t.
Alfred: Yes. [pause]
For just a brief moment there was a floating sensation in the body – a lightness as if it was lifting. [pause]
There was a glimpse which is not yet steady that was like being on top of a mountain or a high peak with a 360 degree view of a whole surface of the Earth or maybe another planet – a view with a lot of aspects to it – a living planet with vegetation and forests and lakes and inhabited I think – having towns and cities. It’s a bird’s eye view of the whole. I think it’s a peak, not a moving point of reference. [pause]
It feels like there are people around me, a circle, people in a circle.
Jack: Yes, gradually it will become clearer. [pause]
Can you say more about those around you?
Alfred: They are a group of brothers and they are wearing red, crimson red habits – not capes but something more like habits. They seem to be sitting on the ground and I think I’m part of that – sitting on some kind of benches.
The circle has a center to it and I’m not sure what is there at the center – whether it’s like a crystal…
We seem to be on that peak since we have our backs to that landscape that I noticed earlier.
Jack: Is the crystal clear, or is it colored, or…?
Alfred: It’s not clear yet.
I’m realizing that it might be a circle dug in the ground, or a stone circle so it’s definitely more elaborate and prepared especially for this type of activity – a very well designed type of circular bench. It’s below ground but open to the sky. I’m not sure how we entered it but at this point we are all sitting in this circle, quite close together. I feel the others on each side of me. What’s not clear is what is at the center of that.
Jack: Sometimes it’s hard to see something that is not in your current experience – so you may just have to let it enter.
I have a clear sense of the people, of the brothers next to me, and the stone on which I’m sitting. My back is supported by the stone. It’s not very deep so our heads are above the rim of the stone circle.
It all could be on top of some other structure. Perhaps it’s the roof of some monastery or cathedral or some other structure.
The head is trying to get beyond the given experience. I need to…
Jack: Yes, take your time. [pause]
Alfred: The feeling now is like being on the threshold of some longing. That familiar feeling of something or someone approaching.
The feeling is like a faculty of perception, a sense of something nearing. And the light intensifies at the center. Perhaps there’s nothing in the center because the expected arrival has not yet made itself known. [pause]
Jack: You may need to deliberately reconnect to the feeling… and the light.
Alfred: Yes. [pause]
Jack: And the forehead is OK?
Alfred: It was tight so there was a certain receding to the back of the head. A receding from the active searching coming from the mind which has let go. Something is relaxing.
Alfred: It feels like something has to collect before something can be received. [pause]
Jack: So that’s probably true for all of the brothers who are there? That something has to be collected.
Alfred: Yes. Something is still held too tightly in the heart, in the rib cage.
And yet there is a force toward opening that is benevolent. [pause]
I’m hesitant to say that at the beginning there was an image of a kind of throne which feels or appeared as golden. It moves in and out of focus at the center of this particular location or mountaintop or whatever it is. And now it begins to flicker into being so that it’s more convincingly there. It seems to be very elaborate, golden. [pause]
It’s material and immaterial at the same time so the mind has difficulty with it.
Jack: It requires a certain relaxation in the mind.
A white-haired being that seems to be… it’s not clear whether it’s his white hair or that he’s so luminous that he’s white and brilliant.
The fluctuations in perceptions have to do with periodic intrusions from my body and my mind – feelings or emotions. It’s like noise entering into the channel. Something becomes more steady in between those interruptions.
Jack: Yes, but you are getting more used to negotiating that – recognizing it for what it is and letting it go – because it’s not really relevant to what is taking place.
Alfred: The breathing seems to be the link to the being at the center and to the gathering that is taking place. [pause]
It seems like I’m given to perceive the molecules in this body, to receive them as a movement with that figure in the center – which is not a figure now – it’s a movement of particles – as are the people sitting around me. All that is exchanged seems to be luminous particles coordinated with the breath. Like a wheel with spokes at the center of this circle. [pause]
If I’m giving, it’s something of my own too. To nourish or support this flow of the planetary quality of the body. The thought or manifestation is almost like fuel. Nourishment for that process. Which becomes brighter. Greater luminosity at the center. [pause]
It’s clear that the form has to be given up. Around the rib cage and whatever is held around the solar plexus. A flash of the fear of death comes through the mind. And yet it feels very alive so that fear has no hold. [long pause]
Jack: And at the center of all this there is really a flow of luminous particles, right?
Alfred: Yes… but I was taken into some definite scenario now.
Jack: I see.
Alfred: which flickered by too fast to account for but there was a glimpse of a like a chariot with lights all around it. [pause]
Something is moving a little more freely now along the body from the top of the body to the earth. It’s almost like there’s a teaching that has been taking place in my absence by this figure in the middle who is sitting on that chair. It’s as if I’m entering now into something that has been ongoing. A bearded benevolent type of being – human. [pause]
I go back to the structure of those stones of which this place is made and I think I experience it with my bare feet. They are very familiar stones, like in Israel, the kind of limestone from which this structure is made. It’s kind of yellowish but it also has a kind of red that would be iron sediments – a very distinct texture under my feet.
There’s a sense of wellbeing in that particular place. It is familiar. And everybody around me is familiar.
The being in the center is wearing white.
Jack: I think you said a teaching was being received. Can you say anything more about that?
Alfred: Yes. He is speaking to us…
There are all kinds of distractions from images of Renaissance paintings of prophets. But it seems to be in response to something that is actually there. When the mind is not grabbing at that, it’s simply an elderly, quite large figure.
He’s speaking to us with great passion. [pause]
He is making an indication upward, towards the sky. As if all of this is in preparation for some connection to be made. [pause]
He is pointing to all that surrounds us from that peak, all that is in dire need of something from us. But first we have to gather something to us in that circle, concentrate a certain quality, before we can make a plea for some type of a celestial assistance.
Now the feelings begin to come. There’s a kind of appreciation of our lack of readiness for what needs to be received. That’s the nature of his exhorting us to gather something.
With that feeling something becomes a little clearer about a gap in our understanding – our understanding of what needs to be given up perhaps.
I see an obstacle in that gathering since we have done it many times before and I think there’s a reliance on previous instances.
Jack: So the situation is now dire and that’s why there’s a need, right?
Alfred: Yes, but also the previous experiences seem to be… ah, the constriction in the solar plexus becomes very tangible and visible which is very helpful. Almost like a stone. Something very dense in the solar plexus. Like a fear.
Jack: Yes, I’ve been there.
Alfred: And suddenly there’s the realization that there might actually be a siege on that particular mountain. Wow, there are chills running through my body. Terror. And a necessity for something to take place. [pause]
It’s strange because there are organ sounds from the church which is two blocks away which I thought at first were imagined. Somehow they help. [pause]
There is a center. It seems like there is a table at which this person or leader is sitting. It’s not clear.
A chalice. [pause]
There’s an inevitability of dying which is very clear. But something still refuses. It’s experienced as a constriction in the solar plexus. [voice trailing off to a whisper]
Something begins to… maybe from the outside… just, just noticing the tremendous force of operation at the center. Something is willy-nilly kind of allowing something to enter. [pause]
Yes, the body is losing its materiality. It is becoming more porous. There’s a certain sense that maybe something has been ingested – like red wine – something red that supports this process of porousness and allows something to circulate. It seems like the brethren around me are going through the same process. We are led in this process because there is no way we can let go of grasping on our own but we are benevolently being shown the inevitability of this… [pause]
There seems to be attachment to children and women, an attachment which is gradually loosening. It fills up the lower nature and is not related to the nature of this process as more of the center of gravity is moving towards this transition, moving to the center of that circle.
A receptivity to receiving something. It’s like a circulation that we all share. Like capillaries joining us… around the circle and into the center. The color is red, crimson red. It’s along the umbilical, along that area.
A certain readiness to connect with something high up. Something which is being sought and which is seeking.
But there’s still a kind of edge of a lack of readiness for that. There’s a glimpse of a freedom to participate in something much larger. [pause]
There’s a kind of a double perspective of our bodies remaining there – what our near and dear ones will perceive as our death – and at the same time something else which is experienced more like a departure – a planned and intentional departure. Like a flowing, like being attracted to a light that now seems to permeate the center leading up along a beam of light and breaking through into a very dark sky.
I think along the way there is a certain kind of appreciation of the dire situation below – perhaps it’s a projection or perhaps it’s a real vision of the siege and clamor of an army closing in on that castle, that fortress. I could actually see that invading army and the tower, very clearly on the north-west flank of the castle from where stones are being catapulted into it. There’s a certain kind of feeling of abandoning that place. It’s not a feeling just an observation. [long pause]
It seems like the body has reached the limit of its usefulness. It is being left behind.
Jack: So there’s a transition then to something else perhaps?
Alfred: Supported by those around the circle there is a convergence of light at the center. A beam, an energy passes through the forehead or head of the person at the center and souls are passing up along it up towards the heavens and away from that place. He acts as a transmitter, a relay. [pause]
Now there’s a later view of the place where all that took place. Everything is charred. Burnt down. From another elevated point of view at perhaps some later time. [pause]
There’s a clear movement with the others towards another center of force. I think he’s among us – that person who led us there – now with a more casual manner – a certain kind of pleasure perhaps in being together in different surroundings.
For some reason 40 comes to mind – the number 40 – as if that’s the number of us; 39 with him being the fortieth. The number seems to have some meaning.
Jack: And you said, the surroundings are different.
Alfred: Yes, we have arrived at a place that is well-furnished, richly furnished in wood, perhaps mahogany. It is a headquarters, a base, a gathering room – very comfortable with rich fabrics on the upholstery where we are sitting.
Hmm. A gathering and a celebratory meal – something like that. He is sitting among us in the circle. Although he is distinguished in some way, he feels like one of us. Very strong features. Bushy eyebrows. Laughter. [long pause]
There is a kind of a feeling of stained windows around, with light of different colors coming in. I would say mostly blue or indigo through those stained-glass windows. Perhaps some red. It seems to collect at the center of the room. There seem to be lenses that are collecting and magnifying the light. We are sitting in that circle, in that environment now, in that richly upholstered environment where the center is collecting light. It gradually turns into white as it increases in vibrational value. It turns into blinding white light. Everybody seems to dissolve into that. It’s the natural ending to this gathering.
No fear. No emotions. A sense of rightness of place. A kind of relief from the form. A relaxation of any type of form that preceded it. Giving a rest for a while from any form. [pause]
Like a fluid – like it could flow into any form that might be indicated but right now it’s in-between. It feels like mercury in a certain way, because of its readiness to take any shape. A kind of liquid luminosity. As we saw before in earlier sessions.
Jack: Yes. [pause]
Alfred: Except for that scenario at the top of what was perhaps Masada, which did involve some feelings and fear, the whole process today did not seem to carry much feeling. It’s almost like being shown the way things are, the way things change. They keep changing.
Jack: Would you say that things are clearer as a result?
Alfred: Yes, without requiring great conviction or doubt. It’s like a lesson.
Jack: But also a lesson in how to be as you are involved in this?
Alfred: That’s right. That’s what I mean. [pause]
As I’m transitioning – I’m more or less back to my ordinary configuration – what I take from this experience is the futility of making efforts on this side of that divide. Almost as if this is something that will need to unfold in terms of learning. That it needs to do its work in the unconscious – and not in my mind.
Jack: No, but, each time, it’s a little clearer.
Alfred: There was a certain kind of reaching up to the threshold in that necessary transformation. A reaching up that was urgent and necessary – reaching to the point of inability. And then being met by something that was given as a substance or… a teaching, or a transmission.
But also the absolute necessity that nothing remain in terms of memory or grasping or doing – nothing of the ego, nothing at all of it can remain if this is to be received fully. A complete surrender. And although I wasn’t capable of surrendering emotionally there, the force was given that overruled that.
Jack: Yes, you were helped.
Alfred: I was helped to overcome that. I recognized that by myself I cannot. Yes, yes.
Jack: So, it’s very important to realize that help can be available.
Alfred: Yes. Even if one is not ready to receive it.
The other thing that was present and still is present is the kind of limited perspective of being imbedded in a very, very hazardous, life-threatening, dangerous environment. The identification with that situation is a great obstacle to the transmission, the change, the transformation. That’s the obstacle: the identification at exactly that moment of dire necessity with the state, with the attachments, with the surroundings, with the people.
This event has shown that it’s possible to make this transition even when there is no higher, refined, or global view of that situation. Because as much as I was reaching for it, it was not available. There was no larger context to that calamity for me at that moment.
Jack: No, but that wasn’t the point, right?
Alfred: No, no. It was more for a kind of departure.
Jack: Yes, yes. Exactly.
Other postings in this series: Bodies, Bluish, The Cosmic Cleanup Team, The Joy of Taking My Place, Rescue & Ascension, A Continuity of Being, Creation, Rescue, The Empty Seat at the Table, Toxic Green, Pristine Stillness, What Is Breathing, Merging with the Light, The Alchemy of Transmuting Blue to White, Ascension, Montségur, Flood, Connecting Upward)