What Is Breathing?

01 purple tea IMG_7350(Copyright © Jack Cain 2016, text and images)

Alfred: I think we can gradually transition. I feel that I have prepared myself.

Jack: Certainly.

Alfred: Of course I have absolutely no pre-knowledge of what’s going to happen other than the general sense that something has been completed in the last session. Which opens up to just allowing something to concentrate and perhaps refine itself. [pause]

Jack: Yes, I think we’re both aware now of the importance of allowing the transition to take place, not interfering with a process that has its own progress and momentum. And yet there’s still something like a cooperation with that process that is engaged.

Part of the background as well is the awareness that, although we don’t understand, there is something important and perhaps even urgent in what we’re doing. And yet that mustn’t bring in any tension. We need to just relax into it. [pause]

Alfred: There’s a kind of a slowing down of the mind and that kind of slight somnolence that is quite close to the theta rhythm. [brain wave emanation]

Jack: Yes, close to the theta rhythm, because that’s required in order to enter into the state. Many people report that they start to feel sleepy – it’s very natural. But there has to be a vigilance maintained so that the consciousness is not… Part of what we’re doing is bringing the two consciousnesses together so that the ordinary consciousness can still be aware even though you’re entering into the subconscious.

I have a clear memory of your blue brother saying to you, “You have to come here, you have to come this far for me to meet you – otherwise I can’t meet you.”

Alfred: Yes.

Jack: It’s a little mysterious what that means but [chuckle] on the other hand it’s very clear too that there has to be a transition. There has to be a certain distance covered. And it takes time.

Alfred: There’s a kind of image of a bluish creature, a being, just similar to me, lying on his back and attaching itself in preparation for this session – almost like my counterpart on the other side.


Alfred: The body begins to transform itself into an organ of communication…

Jack: “An organ of communication” – that’s nice.

Alfred: …with the breath and the forehead and the back, all…

Jack: And it is a type of relaxation, right?

Alfred: Yes, especially experienced as a relaxation in the forehead. And also in the heart and solar plexus area at the same time – becoming more available to sensation. [pause]

Child crawling. Passing a ball. Blue. I think a blue boy – passing a ball, or doing something that a young child would do as it crawls on the floor. [pause]

The head relaxes a little more. It feels like something has to open. It’s like a separation. An old habit of shutting something out that lets go. [pause]

A kind of aliveness in the extremities, in the legs and in the hands. They are extending and there is a change in the body experienced from the inside. [pause]

Such quick images, snapshots of a child who’s in trouble and someone who’s holding him from the back. He’s very upset from what he did or failed to do. I’m observing that – not feeling it from the inside. Someone is trying to calm him by embracing him from the back and reassuring him. [pause]

I can see the burden of needing to report because there are a series of images that are very hard to describe – a certain movement, a kind of centrifugal movement, in the back. Something is held together – it has some purpose. I’m getting answers of sorts – not in words and not in a coherent way to the question of what my instructions are, or where I am going, or what the purpose is of this awareness that is growing. And all this is being answered by some images that are not easily reportable.

Jack: Yes, so just concentrate on their reception. We see again and again how things happen in quick flashes.

Alfred: Yes.

Jack: I think it’s just that nature of the way the mind or consciousness is constructed. It doesn’t have to be a logical sequence and certainly images are much more powerful than words.

Alfred: There is a sense of a gathering – on a dock or some place that is unsteady – that moves up and down – yes, floating on water. And beings who are shivering – like an evacuation or refugee situation.

I may be one of the blue beings – clearly different beings than the beings that are being evacuated or rescued – victims of some kind of natural disaster or persecutions.

There are many beings who are much taller, with skinnier extremities. I observe my body transforming. The blue beings are moving around and about this gathering of… what has taken my attention is that there are a lot of children who seem to be very frightened.

The blue beings are busily organizing or helping in some way.

Very strong sense of the elements – weather – thunder, lightning – very hostile environment weather-wise. And an urgency to safeguard the wellbeing of those beings.

Jack: Right.

Alfred: It’s a familiar feeling that my assignment is not entirely clear to me in that situation. I’m walking around a little bit at loose ends and watching the others who seem to be clear about what’s needed and I’m figuring out how to be useful and I’m not very effective right now. Maybe because I’m too upset by the whole scenario. I’m very taken by the fragility and the danger that this group is in.

Jack: Yes – just continue to observe both yourself and what’s happening. There maybe needs to be some shift inside – in your own emotional state.

Alfred: What I think is upsetting is that there is some recognition that it might be some kind of holocaust imagery or situation which touches very close to home in a way for me.

Jack: Yes, of course.

Alfred: I’m too much on the side of the beings who are in grave danger than on the side of the blues who are attending to something that needs to happen – I’m tempted to say with the souls of those victims.

With that, something opens between the eyes. A certain notion of the inevitability of those people dying and it’s not up to me to prevent that.

Jack: Right. You can have sympathy but you can’t change what’s happening.

Alfred: Right.

Jack: It’s a much larger event than just your observation.

Alfred: It’s a kind of a letting go of the identification with the victims here… which opens up to a greater resonance, or attachment… not attachment… presence, presence in the blue, the blue presence.

Jack: It would seem that in that presence you have a possibility to help – because you see that taking place around you…

Alfred: [pause] With that comes a certain peace in our work there. I can see now how we participate in the way that we’re assigned to do… which will probably become clear … without being distracted by the horror… seeing how this is another local occurrence within a much larger picture. [pause]

I’m being taught something about my ordinary identification with being a second generation holocaust survivor and I’m being shown what’s possible from an entirely different way of being in the universe.

Jack: It’s interesting how you put that – an entirely different way of being… from a perspective that’s universal… or more universal.

Alfred: This is the time when I would pray for help from above… wishing to be open to that. [pause]

It’s very clear that nothing can take place until a certain intelligence is received.

Jack: Yes, when there’s only reaction, it’s hard to be helpful.

Alfred: But there’s also a certain confidence that something is on its way.

Jack: [softly] Ah-ha.

Alfred: Like receiving word that help will be received soon. From the higher. That a certain light… Yes, seeing that light… making its transition to the group of us who are entirely overwhelmed by the magnitude of this calamity.

We are forming a circle.

Much larger bodies forming a circle around this God-awful place.

We are physically much larger than the beings there who are being destroyed.

Jack: And what about the light? Is there more light now?

Alfred: We have our arms on each other’s shoulders in the circle.

Jack: I see.

Alfred: The kind of camp… I’m calling it tentatively the “camp” or whatever it is… is much smaller as we surround it with our blue bodies – standing much taller – really huge. We almost dwarf the camp.

Forming a circle around it and all of us very, very focused, concentrated on receiving.

02 Light pattern IMG_7312There’s a gap in which nothing is received and there’s just stillness. A gap in which there’s absolutely no… [pause] where nothing can be counted on. Perhaps except for the contact with the others… which is there. Sensing the circle. Not ready. More is needed. [pause]

The necessity to have feelings is very clear. And the impossibility of having feelings in front of this… horror… is also… It’s right there. Amidst this reaction… the need to open.

Jack: But that’s what’s required.

Alfred: Yes. [pause]

Jack: It’s like you have to learn on the spot.

Alfred: I see the reluctance to be of service without guaranteed results. [Jack laughs]

I know it sounds ridiculous but that’s exactly what it is. Unless you… I’m just freely imagining… Unless you let my family survive, or whatever it is that my smaller self requires, I will not give myself to this. The need to see the full scale of what is here and how it plays a part in a larger, living-system.

Jack: I think that relates to the very first image of the child…

Alfred: Yes.

Jack: …that was being comforted. Because a child can’t do what you are being asked to do. It has to be an adult.

Alfred: That’s right. [pause]

So there’s a correction to the feeling that help is not available – help is available all around me and I’m still refusing it. Refusing my… refusing that larger self. It feels like the body knows that grasping.

Jack: Yes.

Alfred: Specifically in the breath – that the breath is not bringing in everything – it’s kind of constricted.

With that awareness, the forehead opens.

The abdomen is being touched by the breath. [pause]

The heart opens.

The ordinary body has to be given up. [pause]

There’s full contact with the world around the body now. No gaps. As if the membranes are opening. [pause]

Something is very clear now about my role, about my job, about collecting souls, energies or whatever, of the departed.

Jack: Yes, the operative word is “collecting.”

Alfred: Yes.

Jack: And would you say there’s an expression of comforting coming from you? I just have that sense – maybe it’s not true. I don’t know.

Alfred: It’s more like being on the threshold of fully belonging to that operation or project with my brothers there… I was still teetering on the edge of not participating and now I am finding my place among them – somewhat reluctantly. The comfort is not… No, I don’t experience that.

Jack: So it’s more finding your place among them.

Alfred: Yes, and a sense of belonging. And perhaps with that comes a certain perspective.

I am identifying the leader, the darker blue leader there now. And with that comes some relief. A sense of guidance. I apprentice to him or I follow him. [pause]

There is a sense that my arrival here is recent and I still haven’t fully made a transition to this realm from where I was traumatically kidnapped, snatched, spirited away.

[After the session, Alfred made more explicit the dual nature of his experience. One being his connecting to the horror of dying abruptly and violently probably by asphyxiation in a concentration camp-like setting and the other being the “current” setting where he is a blue rescuer collecting souls from a similar kind of disaster.]

A rising, a lifting, a moving towards light.

Jack: So the transition is still going on?

Alfred: Yes.

Passing through that realm of the collecting of the souls so to speak. Something was received in that realm that allows a further ascent. [pause]

A very strong sense that something has to be relinquished in the materiality of the body for further movement to take place. Very aware of how there’s a certain grasping and a wish to let go of that grasping. And how something higher has to show itself to resolve that impasse.

It becomes clear, as I said in the past, a form of dying from this side. No escaping that.

A barrier or a gap that has been jumped over in the past – I can have memories of the crossing of that chasm but it is of absolutely no help in the crossing of this chasm right now.

03 crunch IMG_7103Jack: Yes, it’s interesting because I thought you had been through this before. Maybe it’s just that this situation is so extreme.

Alfred: Yes.

Jack: And so related to some of your genealogy.

Alfred: Exactly. It feels like I’m carrying with me still some of those impurities. Or… Or…

I have an inkling that it’s lodged in my body in a way that needs to be let go.

Jack: Well, it’s very important to work on that because it has a reverberation through the genealogy. Something can be – maybe not completely corrected but improved by the critical efforts that you make right now.

[Note: Intense work such as this, such as Alfred is experiencing during this session, can reverberate in both directions, past and future, assisting others who share the genealogical line.]

Alfred: The realization that something has to be left and never returned to. That my body is staying on this side here, right here on the edge of some – I’m reluctant to say that – on the edge of a mass grave or something like that. [Alfred explained later that he was seeing horrifying graphic images at this point.]

Praying for some light and knowing that the leap has to take place without that assurance. Whatever it is. I don’t know that really.

Yes. Closer to the illusion of this body. Like almost seeing the gaps between the molecules. As it disintegrates. [sharp breath out]

I can see it collapsing. Something rises above it, above the whole landscape. Certain holdings around the chest are reluctantly releasing. The legs, the arms.

The breath begins to carry that intelligence of transcendence. The only thing that remains. Still images of the body as it used to be but the breath is stronger and more compelling. Makes the larger body more visible – the astral body. More tangible. More present. Larger.

A feeling of beginning to identify my home with the blue brothers. It’s like a GPS orienting me towards that… intensifying that feeling.

So difficult to leave, knowing that a lot of my dear and near ones are there in that… in that pile.

The neck relaxes. I was holding the head in a way that prevented the flow from the head to the body. [big breath out]

I’m being received. [gasp of emotion] Seeing that the person with the crimson cape is there at the center. [strong emotion] He has such happiness in seeing me. I make my arrival. There’s a whole entourage around him. Just an affirmation of how long we’ve known each other.

Something is spoken like “I almost doubted whether you would make it this time. I sent you as much help as was possible.” [sharp breath out] Lots of feelings come up.

Jack: Yes, of course.

Alfred: I’m asking about the others who may have to return. Those who haven’t completed their cycle of the journey.

Jack: You mean among your blue brothers?

Alfred: No, I mean among the family members who were left in the mass grave. Not clear why I’m here but… I’m not questioning that.

Jack: No. It’s just to be here. To be.

Alfred: The blue of the body is both seen from the outside and from the inside. Observed and lived. It’s relatively new, newly minted so to speak. Newly created. I’m new to this existence in a blue body. [pause]

04 Sun on left IMG_7340I recognize some of my friends and family. Gathering together now. Surprised that they have made the journey too.

To the question that I ask of that leader, that person with the red cape – “Why have I arrived here?” It isn’t so much why have I arrived here, it’s more what is my assignment or what do I need to do in relation to my arrival here, because it had a purpose. He points me back down to where I’ve arrived from and how I have an obligation to those left behind. [pause]

Jack: And yet I imagine you don’t quite know what you can do about that…

Alfred: There’s a certain fear in returning to that place I just came from, and which I was barely able to separate from, or transition from. But I knew that’s what it was that needed to take place. It affirms my return to a place where I now have to give what I’ve received. Many times over.

An inkling of how those who have facilitated my passage have done that for me. There’s a gratitude in recognizing my place in this chain.

[hushed] Wow!

There are more of them now visible to me, smiling at me. Almost as if they become visible as I recognize the labors, those labors on my behalf, on our behalf – all of those new arrivals.

They didn’t trust us with this process because they need that for their further advancement… not their advancement… for the larger universal processes.

I begin to understand and love my purpose. It’s a new feeling in relation to what is required of me.

I turn back to where I came from. Allowing myself to witness the horror.

It’s almost like I’m breathing that – with no… with no reaction.

Jack: [quietly] Wonderful! Amazing!

Alfred: That substance of evil has absolutely no power over me. It’s quite amazing. It passes through.

Jack: Sort of on the breath it passes through?

Alfred: Yes, exactly.

Horrible stuff. Like screams of babies.

With my breathing, cleansing, purifying dense and toxic elements.

Now it’s clear what the blue beings were doing previously. I didn’t understand that when I watched them.

It feels like a very personal teaching given specifically to me… in the sense of my current incarnation and my trauma… to show me what is needed in relation to that.

It’s the breath behind the breath. Which is eternal.

Jack: Yes. Eternal. [pause]

Alfred: Here we are approaching the ending of this session and I see that part of me that is already complacent, satisfied. But I wish to remain connected to the awareness of that obligation to remain open.

It’s very close to the Tonglen practice in Tibetan Buddhism where you breathe in darkness and suffering and breathe out light.

Jack: Yes, I was thinking about that earlier too.

But you have a great help in coming back with the images that you’ve been given.

Alfred: [whispered] Yes.

Jack: So by returning to the image you can return to the reality inside that you need to be close to.

Alfred: Yes.

Jack: Because that reality needs to be brought into everyday life – the vibration of it.

Alfred: Yes, exactly and it has this capacity… Regardless of your planetary form, this is always available to you.

Jack: Yes, I was making a note earlier of the fact of the universality of the emotional content in all of these sessions regardless of the planetary form.

Also the universality of what is required regardless of the situation or the form, who it involves. There’s a kind of generality to it.

Alfred: It’s a question that was with me during the gap between our sessions about the outbreath which I often perceive as separate from the inbreath as if it’s released into an outside but it’s very clear there is no inside or outside for the breath. The inbreath is one type of process and the outbreath is another but it’s not taking place in two different spaces. It’s the mind that separates them. It’s one breath. [pause]

I open my eyes.

Shaman drumming the constellations into existence.

Shaman drumming galaxies into existence.

Other postings in this series: Bodies, Bluish, The Cosmic Cleanup Team, The Joy of Taking My Place, Rescue & Ascension, A Continuity of Being, Creation, Rescue, The Empty Seat at the Table, Toxic Green, Pristine Stillness, Merging with the Light)

About trylus

Welcome to my blog! I was born in the year of the golden dragon (1940) and when the golden dragon year came around again in 2000, little did I know that events would conspire to have me reinvent myself. So after a long career in computers and libraries and languages and with a few bumps of transition I now feel very alive in the practice of hypnotherapy and an energy modality called Reconnective Healing®. My interest in writing has always been in the mystery of how it is sometimes possible to convey much more than the meaning of the words. It is my heartfelt wish to have that happen sometimes in this blog. Jack Cain Trylus énergétique Montréal www.trylus.com jack@trylus.com
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