(The next two posts will continue the session recorded here.)
Jack: Are we beginning?
Alfred: I’m noticing a certain tension in the forehead that gradually can let go.
Jack: [big breath] Yes, and I’m finding at my end a connection to the breathing is very strong at the moment.
Alfred: There’s a certain kind of porousness in the body. It’s like a warmth, a warmth through the lower part of the body, through the lower back. It feels like it’s radiating.
Alfred: I realize how precious this opportunity is – for you and I to open our pores to whatever might enter.
The substance of the body becomes more prominent than the substance of the mind.
Jack: That’s a good way to put it.
Alfred: And the breath has been present all along as you suggested, but I have not been fully aware of it and now it seems to make itself known. Exactly what is needed as a connection between the inside and whatever is experienced as outside. That edge of darkness that now seems to be being breathed into.
It’s familiar as in the last session where that darkness felt like a texture – like a sensation of the darkness of that part of space against my body or whatever my body is right now.
Jack: As if your whole body is touching something?
Alfred: Being touched by this darkness as if it has an actual action on my body. The boundaries between the light and the dark are becoming more blurred. I need to leave a little more space between speaking and perceiving. [pause]
A flash of tubes being put into me with a turquoise to blue kind of fluid. Inserted into my mouth or into my face or something. Again I’m letting it just deepen rather than trying to control it. There’s a feeling that I’m being guided now.
There’s a feeling that something is being concentrated.
Jack: Yes, good.
Alfred: It has to reach a certain saturation before anything can be further clarified.
Jack: Very, very important not to rush, not to push… It takes a certain time… but also not to be distracted either. [pause]
Alfred: There’s a preoccupation with some kind of image or sensation of a horse or horse-like animal that I think I’m riding or… Perhaps there’s more than one of us.
Very tall grasses, riding through tall grasses, almost above the horse’s head. Very strange image and there’s blue there of course. The shade of the horse is shading into blue. I’m calling it horse because there is a sense of being carried.
I notice the tendency of tightening the forehead – the regular focusing and tightening is so ordinary. I need to open and let that come to me rather than reaching for it.
Jack: Yes, that’s right and the forehead is a good measure of how you’re doing with that.
Alfred: With the letting go comes a certain light from the scene where I’m riding on that being but the light is kind of hazy. It’s a different planet – unfamiliar compared to this planet. It’s foggy, visibility is very low, and the fog has a light bluish shade to it. One cannot make out anything in this fog, so clearly that being that is carrying me is leading and is going wherever it needs to go. I’m being taken by it.
Jack: But it knows where you’re going, right.
Alfred: Yes, I’m being taken there by that being and it is very clear about whatever the destination is.
I’ve had a very distinct feeling of being watched. As I speak it’s almost like my speaking and what I communicate is entirely separate from the body that is lying on this bed. Very odd experience. [pause]
Launching pad. Clearly, something from my mind is just reducing it to images of astronauts at Cape Canaveral. But it is different – clearly climbing into something that looks like a craft of some sort.
Jack: So the point is travel but in special conditions where you need equipment.
Alfred: It appears like a base where there are a lot of vertical rockets. I’m being taken into one of them.
It actually feels kind of odd. I’m seated with my back against the face of the planet, facing into outer space. It feels like a pre-launching type of position. There’s activity around me as one would expect with preparation. Did I say that these are blues? Probably not. But now on second thought… It feels so natural that there would be blue beings busily preparing all over the place.
Their heads are quite prominent. I probably have never seen them in activity. I was usually face-to-face and did not realize the proportions. The heads are twice the size of what would be a head for a human. Maybe a little less, but definitely prominent. And their movement is very fluid. [pause]
All kinds of images. Like a dream state.
The launching base is dug in the ground.
It’s almost as if superimposed on that is the same place thousands of years later when all that is left is those launching pads and where primitive archaeologists imagine that they were some objects of worship, or altars. So funny. [both laugh] You can almost see them speculating about how this was used for sacrifices when it’s really a launching pad for space travel.
Jack: Do you feel you’re alone in this launch position or are there others in the same position as you?
Alfred: It looked like there were perhaps two positions ahead of me. Each one has its own part to play in that activity.
It feels like I was distracted by looking out at the surroundings – being distracted by the vision of archaeologists of the future digging that place up. So I’m a little scattered.
It’s almost like trying to sense the aim of being right there in that particular place… turning to the feelings for that… The feelings have not been much in my awareness. But that allows me to connect to the others… knowing I’m not alone. That there are others counting on me for something here.
Jack: So it’s good to connect to that feeling of responsibility and connection with others. Feeling that you’re not alone. [pause]
Alfred: There’s a feeling of going through a pre-flight check-up of flight-worthiness of this craft. Checking and reporting. But there’s a sense of mundaneness about it – like a commercial inter-planetary flight. I was just noticing that someone was getting a little restless and I said, “Well it’s just a passenger flight they can wait.” As if there wasn’t any huge urgency. We can take our time. I became overly complacent. [pause]
Someone pointing out an abnormality in the radiations or emanations of light. We really need to get going. That this radiation is material to our mission. It’s not that relaxed. It’s not sightseeing. I’m getting a sense of more urgency.
Someone is trying to make me aware that this is not a coincidence. The light has changed in a certain way. They are pointing out some rays of light that shouldn’t be there or that they are unusual for this planet. It helps me focus. There’s more urgency in my movements, my actions now. I’m getting much more focused and task-oriented. We’re completing tasks and getting ready to launch.
There’s a sense that we’re waiting for someone, maybe some dignitary. An Air Force One type of plane.
There’s a certain amount of doubt entering into my confidence about that I’m telling you but…
Jack: I think you just need to register that in your awareness but try not to allow it to interfere…
Jack: …because there is a certain coloration of your reporting that has to do with the fact that the whole adventure is beyond…
Alfred: The antidote for that doubt is the contracting of the forehead so it seems I need to allow the doubt to exist and let the mind relax with that.
Someone with a cape is arriving – I see him arriving from my position in the cockpit.
It’s a crimson cape that this fellow is wearing. It feels like everything is moving into fast gear now. It seems we’ve basically been waiting for that person before taking off.
There’s more to that cape – it feels like it has a kind of fur collar to it… I’m seeing it from a distance… And there’s some sort of insignia…
Jack: And the same body proportions with a large head?
Alfred: Well, that person is not actually blue – it’s a different being. Looks more like a human… maybe not… there’s some redness in the face… I’m seeing it from afar… but I should know because that that being is quite well known. It’s not the first time I’m aware of his presence.
Certain vibration of engines, preparation for takeoff.
He seems to take his position next to me in the cockpit. Now it seems to be sideways. I thought I was in a combat flight where there’s only one seating area facing forward…
But there are two seats facing forward and that person with the cape is taking his position next to mine to co-pilot or to co-something.
Wow, I didn’t expect that – I’m kind of shocked. Like what am I doing here next to this person who looks like he knows what he’s doing?
Jack: So you need to relax in the forehead again because this has happened a number of times that you don’t feel that this is your place so… there you are.
I find myself curious, taking a look at that person and there’s a kind of reluctance or fear at doing that.
Jack: Well, it may not be polite… but maybe you could also sense the vibration… you’re sitting beside him… You might get a sense of the vibration that’s beside you – its quality.
Alfred: Jack, I don’t know how to convey that to you but there are places where the smell gives you a sense of total well-being – the homey feeling of an old house that has been well lived in, permeating the whole body with great confidence, with great homeness – that’s the best word I can find. Great benevolence from that person.
He dismisses my curiosity about him, chuckling as if to say, “You’ve known me for thousands of years!”
Jack: Well, exactly!
Alfred: He jokes. “Why are you so hung up on knowing exactly what I look like. You’ve known me for so long and we’ve been through so much.” Something like that.
Jack: I think it’s important for you to begin to be clearer that the doubt and the curiosity are coming from your current consciousness and ordinary mind that’s part of this incarnation and they are not the part that is taking this journey. But it still interferes a little bit – not seriously – just a little bit.
Alfred: It doesn’t happen on command.
Jack: I think it’s more and more important – I’ve been feeling this too – to separate these things. The part of me that is with you and is following what is taking place is not the same as my ordinary consciousness – the human consciousness which is just temporary.
Alfred: He is pointing now to what would be the windshield which is currently the screen for critical information for our mission, for our journey.
There is love, there is a certain softness, there is a certain kind of sense of shared purpose that comes, in that familiar connection to the whole.
There’s a feeling like he’s pointing out the window to that exact radiation and explaining fully to me how whatever it is that we are heading for is going to address that problem.
Alfred: All my concerns and anxieties are answered carefully and generously without any impatience. I’m not made to feel like I’m overly anxious or worried. With great care all of this is addressed. Almost like he will not be satisfied until I fully absorb this data.
Jack: Well, he understands that you’re coming at this from an odd angle from his point of view. It’s an odd angle because you’re coming at this out of a human body.
Alfred: Yes, exactly.
There’s a slightly serious but humorous referring back to the fact that these are all my old body and mind habits.
Jack: Yes, it’s just like static on the line.
Alfred: That’s right.
The less I’m concerned about all kinds of still-transitional concerns from a previous existence, the more deeply I’m concerned about what he’s explaining to me – that takes over completely.
Jack: Yes, because the mission is critical.
Alfred: Yes, oh my goodness, it feels horrifying. Something is really… It requires everything of us.
Jack: Yes – critical… a critical mission.
Alfred: It feels like there’s a blockage of radiation of some sort or another – that some rays cannot get through due to the medium getting thicker or denser because of some type of pollution or obstruction. The consequences are dire.
[voice shaking] I’m very upset.
Jack: So your feeling center is now engaged.
Alfred: Yes. [voice shaking] Very upset, very concerned about… I’m just beginning to get glimpses of all the consequences of this possible calamity. [pause]
It doesn’t feel like we’re about to move some place, Jack. It’s changing. I’m much clearer about the urgency. There is an antidote to whatever it is that ails this particular universe or planet – a much finer radiation has to reach it. Almost like the higher has to be so much higher to lift off that obstruction. It’s a semi-precise translation to what I’m feeling.
A vibration of that nature requires all that we can gather. I think with a group… perhaps the group that is in back room or… [pause]
We have to die to a part of ourselves in a way that we never had to do before.
[pause] The only important thing is the absolute necessity of what is shown me.
Alfred: And I can see how all my old denials don’t work, all my turning away, dismissing, excuses, self-calming.
Jack: So there’s no avoiding the responsibility?
Alfred: No, no there’s not.
I didn’t realize that that group that he’s probably leading me into, or inducting me into has been doing this all along and I didn’t realize that’s what they’ve been doing there. I had a notion of something or other that happens behind those closed doors in that particular lab or something. [pause]
It’s a strange feeling of both being worthy of that and terrified at the very same time.
[pause] [big breath]
Lights. White light.
[big breath] [pause]
[voice breaking] Father Creator nearby – to relieve our suffering. [pause]
Opening the heart. [pause]
Alfred: My mind says, “conscious dying.” [pause]
More peaceful now.
Jack: Is the white light still there?
Alfred: Yes. Somewhat diminishing, but still very much there. [pause]
Still there but what’s not there is the agitation. It’s like more allowing that light to be the only thing.
There’s no denial of this physical body lying here on this bed but it’s so miniscule, insignificant in relation to this being, to this light. [pause]
Alfred: It’s the luminous body that maintains the body lying here.
Jack: Yes, the body is there to really communicate what is taking place.
Alfred: That’s exactly it… which is such an odd and so true a way of it taking its rightful place.
Jack: It’s allowing information to penetrate to these lower levels that we’re on, that the body is on.
Alfred: Yes. It’s like a very sophisticated smart phone. [pause] [big breath]
I’m more aware of that being next to me now. My co-…
Perhaps we are already around a circular table. The same type of table type as on other occasions. All of them blues with large heads. I’m with them too.
The center of the table is actually a type of visualization apparatus. [pause]
When I arrived there in that room at the table where I’m part of this group, it became clear to me that we as blues are now engaged in the same type of inner work, or refinement. It’s up to us to crystalize our next body through that suffering that we have gone through. I think I went through this as a blue not in a human form. That’s what it felt like. [pause]
I think that there’s a certain concern about the results of our efforts and how effective they were. I cannot tell from that image. It’s a very complex kind of imagery. It has numbers and graphs… Different planets… showing their relationship. [pause]
It looks like there’s a break in those connections which are shown between the planets as luminous tracks. The focus is on a certain break in certain type of track between two planets which was our concern….
It’s not entirely clear whether it was mended or ameliorated.
Jack: But is there a feeling in the room? You said a feeling of concern that it wasn’t fully accomplished…
Alfred: Yes. There’s not immediate relief – that’s the only thing I can say. There’s not a kind of rejoicing. It feels like more will be asked or more will be needed. [pause]
Jack: I see.
Alfred: It’s not a one-shot deal. It feels like that. Maybe what’s most important is that we’ve been shown what’s needed of us and of me. It will not be just a one-time type of dying. It’s very hard to face that without the assistance of that light – I’ve noticed that. That light and that… Somehow the identification of that flow, that light and that problem does not carry with it the level of concern and care that I felt previously so it’s… the fear is more pronounced. Does that make sense?
Alfred: I have a more diminished awareness of that.
Jack: I think you need to just watch that movement between a feeling of concern and the feeling of fear in relation to the feeling in the room around the table and the man with the cape… is he still there?
Alfred: I think he took his leave. I don’t know… I cannot identify him. He gave us that assignment or instructions.
Jack: So maybe those people who are there are the rest of your “team.”
Jack: And you’re reviewing the results. So now you realize more needs to be accomplished.
You have to be careful to not fall into a feeling of inadequacy or fear because it will prevent you from proceeding.
Jack: Maybe you need a sense of the relationship to your brothers who are with you.
Alfred: That’s very helpful. I projected on them my discouragement.
Jack: You have a responsibility toward your discouragement – to not allow it to take over. The facts are the facts – it didn’t accomplish what was needed or it didn’t sufficiently accomplish it. Maybe it did something partial. [pause]
It’s as if one of them is saying or communicating – “The result is not of our concern.”
We’re getting distracted by the focus on the results. Our part is the transmission. Which makes it very clear what my part is.
If someone communicates less harshly in a way – because that was said somewhat harshly…. Someone else is communicating that we really are too small to understand the full extent of what is taking place…
Jack: I see.
Alfred: We should concern ourselves just with what we were instructed to do or what we know is necessary or needed from us. It’s like saying, “We know what to do, let’s get with it.”
I notice how it’s hard for me to let go. I’m grasping… Will or will not something take place?
Jack: Yes. So you can see clearly that it’s a trap. Not helpful. That’s good – something has been learned.
With that, something releases and… I notice that there was no interruption in the group effort. The interruption was my distraction.
Alfred: The effort was ongoing and uninterrupted. I lost my contact with it. With that it becomes possible again, with a feeling of gratitude for the people who have been faithful… in my absence. A kind of remorse that mobilizes something.
It’s very simple!
Jack: Yes, very simple once you see it, once you realize it… [both chuckling] Not so simple when you don’t.
Alfred: It almost intensifies that sense of remorse – it’s so simple and I’m making all kinds of excuses.
So now I’m not giving room to this criticism knowing that it’s another trap. And actually the light hasn’t left. It’s much more in the solar plexus now. It’s not possible to be afraid of anything when that light is present. [pause]
It feels like I’m staying with this much longer than I ever stayed before.
I know it may not correspond to minutes and hours but more to a sense of giving up and then realizing… the kind of giving up that is not accepted but is more questioned.
Jack: Yes, you’ve stayed much longer with this issue.
Alfred: I’m saying that because there are those familiar pangs of hunger which are reliable signs of the physical body making itself known. But there is still contact.
Jack: Yes, I think your awareness of the light is very important. The fact that it stayed.
Alfred: Yes. [sigh]
I could almost see a place empty around that circle that required me to be there. Even if I leave it’s… My place is needed there. For that.
Hmm. I didn’t realize how tense the forehead was. It’s letting go. [pause]
The light is now in the third eye. As well as in the solar plexus. And the back.
Letting go. [pause]
There’s a part of me that wants to be given the answer to, “What am I supposed to die to?” How can I die to something when I don’t know what to die to? But that kind of subsides.
Alfred: You know it’s so clear – just when it juxtaposes between the mind and the light – from the light place there’s no death. There’s no death required. There’s neither life nor death – there’s no separation. That mind trap is so scary.
Jack: So try and put a marker there so that you can remember this.
Alfred: Exactly. And the other marker is that empty seat at the table – it feels very significant.
Alfred: Very significant.
Other postings in this series: Bodies, Bluish, The Cosmic Cleanup Team, The Joy of Taking My Place, Rescue & Ascension, A Continuity of Being, Creation, Rescue, Toxic Green, Pristine Stillness, What Is Breathing, Merging with the Light)