(© Jack Cain 2015, text and images)
After she first came to me almost three years ago, I facilitated a number of sessions that assisted Helen in getting her life and career as a therapist on course. Recently she asked for another session after not having had one for some time. There was a sense of something that was stuck or not moving – something very deep inside – something urgently needing attention that was holding back advancement in her life and career.
Although we had done work on the issue of sexual abuse in childhood by her father, I suspected that we had perhaps not resolved that issue completely. And there had been a recent diagnosis of Crohn’s disease which might possibly be connected as well – something that could not be digested.
I’m afraid that, once again, this is a long post. But the length is a reflection of the long struggle that took place, a struggle that much of the time seemed completely intractable.
[Initial visit to a safe place]
Helen: I’ve never been there but I wanted to go to the South Pacific, like Tahiti where the water is aquamarine, and transparent [whispering], and the sand is white and you can see the fishes swimming under the surface. And the sky is sunny.
Jack: Are you sitting or walking or lying?
Jack: Sitting down on the sand?
There’s probably some vegetation you can see as well?
Helen: Along the edge there’s some kind of beach grass, palm trees…
Jack: Stay in that environment and allow its magic to enter into you so that you feel how the energy, the vibration of that scene – which is very present in your mind – how it begins to enter into the body as well. Because of course it’s very good for the body…
[Note: without suggestion or prodding, a jump to the underlying issue.]
Helen: But I’m not supposed to be cold and I’m cold! It’s supposed to be warm.
Jack: Not to waste any time we are perhaps moving very quickly to what it is that we need to address. You need to allow that to happen too. We can come back to the warmth on the beach after. Something has entered almost immediately.
[As a precaution we try adding a blanket but of course we find that the sensation of cold has nothing to do with the temperature of the room. The blanket I added was alpaca – “I can feel the animal” Helen remarks.]
Helen: I’m opening myself to feeling the warmth and it’s taking a little bit of time. It feels like at some point not that long ago it felt like I froze down to the core and I haven’t been able to warm up since then. [Temperatures have been below zero Fahrenheit for weeks]
Jack: How long ago was that?
Helen: Three weeks ago.
[Jack works for a few minutes on helping the warmth enter from the blanket but it is not to be.]
Helen: It feels like an inner trembling.
Jack: Try to be close to that because it is closer to the core of what needs to be examined, brought into the light. We’re just looking for light and information in the subconscious mind – something that will be relevant to this particular moment in time where Helen has certain issues she needs some help with. The subconscious mind knows what those issues are.
Helen: It is cold everywhere. The cold of space.
Jack: Have you been there a long time? Is that why it’s cold?
Helen: Yes. There is no sun there.
Jack: It’s something like the far reaches of outer space.
Helen: [whispered, barely audible, heard only later when listening to the recording] I will evolve.
Jack: It seems like this is a strange place to be so I’m wondering how you ended up there… what happened to take you there? You haven’t always been there I don’t think and it’s not that you’re going to always be there either but that’s where you are at the moment.
Helen: It’s my real home – not by choice.
Jack: Not your choice?
Helen: No, no. [whispered]
Jack: But how did it end up that you came to be there? Something must have taken place.
Helen: It’s the space between lives.
Jack: Yes, it could be the space between lives. But why wouldn’t you just move on to something higher?
Helen: It feels like I’ve been there this whole lifetime. I never left.
Jack: You mean all during this lifetime, you’ve really been out in space. Is it that you’re incarnated here on Earth but the more important part of you is out there?
Helen: Yes. [abruptly, breathlessly]
Jack: Try to stay with the part that is “out there.” That’s where you are right now – out there.
Helen: [voice shaking] It’s cold out there. There’s nothing.
Jack: And you’re alone.
Helen: [whispered, voice shaking] Yes. I can see stars, galaxies… and black holes… but the black holes far away. [pause] I’m just floating.
Jack: Why do you stay there?
Helen: I can’t go anywhere else. I’m stuck. [pause] I’m asking for help inside of me but nobody is hearing me.
Jack: Sometimes it’s said that the asking is not on the right frequency so it can’t be heard.
Helen: Because I’m too cold.
Jack: You also sound a bit desperate…
Helen: Yes. I don’t want to be here. [pause] I’m scared.
Jack: It doesn’t sound like a very nice place to be… to be alone, to be cold… even though you’re far away from black holes, knowing they’re there… and even the stars are cold.
Helen: I almost wish I could get sucked in by a black hole because I might end up at the warmer end of another galaxy or something. I don’t know. I just don’t want to be here.
Jack: So I get the impression that there’s no sense of movement of any kind.
Helen: Floating. No gravity.
Jack: No locomotion.
Helen: No, and I’m just like a blip floating.
Jack: I know that you’re asking for help and nothing seems to be happening… I’m going to do the same and see if it makes any difference. I’m going to ask that the presences that are here in this room right now – for whom I have a great respect – we’re going to see how this situation with Helen can be… whatever it is that needs to happen… so… bringing a presence into this situation… because of course you’re feeling where you are… that you’re alone… but at the same time there’s a part of Helen that knows she’s not completely alone because Jack is here and other entities are here around us so… Let’s just see what happens to your situation there…
Helen: It’s not that kind of aloneness. It’s a deep, deep, deeper alone. It doesn’t matter if there were people.
Jack: So no matter who else might be there you’d…
Helen: Still be alone. [whispered:] No connection. No comfort. No warmth. [pause]
Jack: And you’ve also used the word “stuck,” that there’s no movement in any direction…
Helen: I’m stuck for eternity.
Jack: I think you need to stay very close to how that feels right now. You’re describing it very clearly. You’re living it. We’ve actually been to this place once before in an earlier session but only briefly.
Helen: I don’t want to stay here.
Jack: No, you don’t want to stay there. Who would want to stay there. So you need some kind of help to become unstuck. You need some kind of help for there to begin to be a movement in time and space… and a movement in temperature – which is vibration.
Helen: I need gravity. I need to fall into something. Suspended animation – that’s what I’m in now.
Jack: Let’s just see if you can begin to sense a falling… a falling towards some center of gravity…
Helen: I don’t see anything. It’s all black. I don’t know where I could fall to. Nothing. There’s nothing to catch me. [pause]
[staccato breathing] I feel like I have a curse on me. Someone cursed me.
Jack: Yes, that may be.
Helen: I don’t know.
Jack: I’d like you to visualize if you can there now… as if that curse was being dropped into a fire where it begins to burn up… [Helen: staccato breathing continuing] as if it’s just simply dropped into a fire.
Jack: Well, or a black hole that eats up everything that goes into it… It’s all energy, right? So, even though a curse can be a strong energy, it’s susceptible to being moved, it’s susceptible to being dropped into a black hole, it’s susceptible to being… let go.
Helen: It feels like it’s stuck to me – to my cells and my DNA. It doesn’t want to drop.
Jack: Of course it’s not going to go willingly. No. We just have to take some time now to work on it so it becomes unstuck – even though it’s integrated into the DNA – that’s fine. But we know too that DNA is modify-able, mutate-able… DNA can mutate. So it just needs to change its pattern – maybe even only slightly for there to be a mutation. So that this curse can begin to dissolve, vaporize perhaps.
Helen: I can feel this mucus, this green colored energy coming out of me.
Jack: Yes, that’s right.
Helen: It’s like…
Jack: Yucky – to use a technical term. Yes, it’s horrible. So it just needs to begin to move out, out, out [stressing, spitting the final t of out], move out.
Helen: It moves out and then comes back.
Jack: Yes, but before it wasn’t moving at all, so there’s progress.
Helen: [squirming voice] It’s stuck like glue. It’s gluey. It wants to stay. It doesn’t want to go.
Jack: Because it was told to leave, it is reacting. [Helen: rapid shallow breathing] But it’s breaking up. At least it’s not part of the DNA any more – it’s turned into something yucky and green and gooey. Of course it’s like trying to work with molasses or push Jello but it’s moving out, out.
Helen: [voice shivering] It’s freezing.
Jack: Out, out, out, out, out, out, out, moving out, moving out, moving out.
Helen: [voice shivering] It’s whole. It’s all frozen and there’s like a three hundred mucus holding onto me.
Jack: We can cut that thread that’s holding on. Cut, cut, cut.
Jack: Cut, cut, cut. We have some help to do that. There’s a cutting taking place of the thread that holds that horrible stuff. That horrible stuff can move off into the universe where it’s recycled. It’s just energy.
Helen: [fearful] If it goes I’m going to vaporize.
Jack: No you’re not.
Helen: It’s keeping me together.
Jack: You’re not going to vaporize, you’re going to be released.
Helen: I lack substance. I don’t have any substance.
Jack: That’s what it is telling you because it wants to stay there. But that’s not true. It’s not true at all. It’s because of a curse that was put on you long, long ago. Maybe there’s even beginning to be a little warmth in the toes or fingers. We need to bring in a little bit of warmth now to help this thing move off, move off, move off, out, out, out. Helen is not going to be vaporized; Helen is going to be released to something quite different.
Helen: It’s weird.
Jack: Yes, it’s very weird.
Helen: [whimpering] I’m scared.
Jack: You’re scared but I can assure you you’re all right, it’s just fine. Something is being released, let go of.
Helen: [voice desperate] I can’t let go because it feels like I was less alone with it.
Jack: You at least had that.
Helen: I at least had something – even if it’s horrible.
Jack: It’s just that you’re used to it because you’ve been with it for so long, but there is another life awaiting you. [sniffling] A vibrant full life awaiting you. So this horrible thing needs to just lift off, lift out, out, out, out, out. We need all the help of high forces we can get here – the help of angels, [sobbing] maybe calling specifically on archangel Michael to help us in this situation – help us allow this yucky thing to just lift off, move out, green moving out, reassuring Helen that she’s not going to be nothing or empty as a result.
Helen: But I must have done something to deserve it.
Jack: Maybe, but maybe it’s been long enough because it’s been very long. There’s a part that believes it has to hold on.
Helen: I have to atone. [gasping]
Jack: Atone for what?
Helen: Bad stuff.
Jack: And are you atoning?
Helen: I don’t know. I’m a terrible person. [sobbing]
Jack: Yes, but that can be atoned for right now in this moment. You can just say that you’re sorry – and mean it. For whatever previous karma may have brought this upon you.
Helen: It’s my dad that’s in me! Horrible person. I’m paying for my dad’s sins.
Jack: So it’s time for your dad to move on as well. And not to be occupying something that’s not really his, something that he’s just appropriated. So it’s time now. Time to release him as well – to the universe, to the higher planes, to where he needs to find his own way, out, out, out, out, out, moving out, your dad moving out, moving out, moving out, he doesn’t need to be there, cutting those cords that bind you to him, leaving it all behind.
Helen: He’s the only person who loved me.
Jack: Yes, you don’t need to get rid of the love. Love is love. But he doesn’t need to occupy you. He doesn’t need to be where he doesn’t belong. And what’s the relationship between your dad and this green, gooey, horrible stuff? Are they two things or are they the same thing?
Jack: Same thing. It’s just becoming clearer what the green stuff really is. It’s just misplaced energy. It’s energy where it doesn’t belong. It’s holding you in outer space.
Helen: It’s spiritual goop.
Jack: Goop. Yes, goop’s a good word. And it’s holding you in a position that you can’t get unstuck from.
Helen: Why would someone who loves me do this to me?
Jack: It doesn’t make a lot of sense, does it?… So are you sure it’s love or is it just that he told you it was love.
Helen: I don’t know.
Jack: Goop isn’t love. For sure. Something that color of green isn’t love.
Helen: He didn’t know how to love. He doesn’t know how.
Jack: No, he doesn’t know how. And it’s not your fault he doesn’t know how. But you were the victim of his not knowing how.
Helen: I can see all the people he hurt, all the people he hurt, cursing him. Hating me.
Jack: That doesn’t mean you have to take on what was his.
Helen: No other choice.
Jack: Why didn’t you have any choice?
Helen: Because somebody has to…
Jack: Right now you have a choice because no one needs to take on someone else’s karma. He has his own karma to adjust and work out by… He’s probably in another life already somewhere… He needs to work that out. This residue that’s glommed on to Helen here, is not really part of Helen. It’s part of someone else. It needs to move out, out, out, out.
Helen: Now I feel empty.
Jack: In order for something positive to enter, there first of all needs to be a space for it to enter into.
Helen: I feel like I’m a hungry ghost with an empty stomach… and that never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever can be filled. Never ever. Always hungry.
Jack: Well, I think you’re feeling your father’s feeling still.
Helen: No, the goop has gone. There’s nothing at all in it. It’s empty.
Jack: So you need to wait now for something to enter, something that is warm, something that is light – light in weight and light in illumination. [continual whimpering] I know you feel you’re stuck in this corner of the universe, but it’s still possible at any point for light to arrive.
Helen: It’s a comet! Oh, no it’s not – it’s a shooting star.
Jack: Something will happen to bring into this emptiness what is needed. Nature abhors a vacuum. Instead of what was there – which was terrible – something needs to enter that will be helpful now in this incarnation… Helpful to Helen and to her clients and her friends and associates. All parts. Something needs to come in that is very positive. Very bright and light.
Helen: It’s the star. It just “whew…” [making a sound] exploded.
Jack: So is it raining something down on you?
Helen: It’s debris – no not debris – dust.
Helen: I don’t know if it’s stardust but it’s light. It’s like snowflakes of light.
Jack: Snowflakes of light coming down on you.
Helen: It’s not burning me though.
Jack: No, it’s not going to burn you. But it will lighten you, lighten you up. Something very different coming in now because a space was made to allow that to happen.
Helen: [in wonder] It’s like beings.
Jack: Yes, we need light beings.
Helen: It’s like elf beings – they’re going to rebuild me.
Jack: Yes, there’s a fair amount of rebuilding that needs to take place – on the level of DNA, on the level of cellular structure, on the level of the digestive system, various points in the physical body – probably an emphasis in the heart particularly.
Helen: It feels weird.
Jack: It feels strange because it has not been felt before – so it’s a brand new feeling. Something is taking place. Something very, very powerful is taking place. Just from the movement down.
Helen: I don’t recognize this person.
Jack: No, of course you’re not going to recognize this person. It’s almost like meeting a stranger because it’s from very long ago.
Helen: It’s not me.
Jack: You just don’t remember. You just don’t remember. Take your time.
Helen: I can’t be somebody else.
Jack: Take your time. You were someone else and now you’re coming back to who you really are. Coming back into the real essence, the real original being, who’s still there, who’s always been there but who has been covered.
Helen: How can I connect if I can’t recognize myself?
Jack: [whispering the first few words] Don’t rush. Don’t rush. Just be with it, be with the process which is somewhat mysterious, so that you feel it taking place very deeply. The main thing to concentrate on is the stardust coming down. Don’t feel that you have to do anything else. And remember that the conscious mind will always fuss about all this but it can step aside a little further and just allow the process to take place. It’s a process of adaptation to an entirely new set of conditions so it cannot happen instantly. It requires a little time.
Helen: I don’t have time.
Jack: Time is expandable. Time is fluid.
Helen: I can’t be empty.
Jack: No, you can’t remain empty. Something has to come in. That stardust coming down is the beginning of something coming in. It’s not an accident that that star exploded and brought that down. So it provides something in the body now.
Helen: I’m spreading out.
Jack: So there are changes beginning to take place – they may seem very odd, peculiar, weird – but just allow them to take place. There’s been an enormous release going on and there now needs to be a kind of comfort that enters into this process.
Helen: I want to be a fetus.
Jack: Maybe you need to be a fetus I’m not sure. You feel a need then now to enter into an incarnation.
Helen: I just folded into myself.
Jack: Fold into yourself. So, you see that there’s movement taking place.
Helen: There’s a spiral coming… like… like… Like when I was five and the dentist put a mask on me and it’s the same kind of spiral. Everything is turning, turning.
Jack: Everything’s turning because you’re going down.
Helen: I’m going down a drain.
Jack: [chuckle] Well, it may seem like a drain but it’s just a passageway – you’re moving into something else which will become clear in a moment.
Helen: [panic in the voice] I’ve got to put the brakes on.
Jack: It can be scary but it’s just that sometimes it moves very fast in the tunnel like this.
Helen: [whispered, panic] Stop it! Stop it!
Jack: It’s because you’re going through a vortex.
Helen: I’ve got to put on the brakes! Stop it!
Jack: [calmly] No, you need to not try to control it; just go with it. You’re being taken somewhere. [whimpers] It may feel like a roller coaster at times but you’re just being taken. Down, down, down, into…
Helen: A rabbit hole!
Jack: Well, yes, it’s a little bit like Alice in Wonderland but it’s just a passageway – it’s a spiral – yes, it’s a spiral but it’s leading you away from where you were stuck to something that now is alive.
Helen: I can smell earth though.
Jack: Yes, you can smell the earth now. There’s earth there now right?
Helen: There’s earth. Wet.
Jack: There’s wet and vegetation?
Jack: Mushrooms. Growth. Mother Earth. Where all organic life has its origin.
Helen: Ugh. Worms.
Jack: Well it has those things too but there’s also warmth in Mother Earth – there’s sunshine and sky.
Helen: I’m below the earth. Below.
Jack: Yes, there’s a region there too. A region of gnomes and dwarfs – earth beings.
Jack: Nymphs too. Both light and heavy are there. There’s a spectrum, a range.
Helen: Transparent wings.
Jack: Yes, transparent wings. Very important. [pause] So… entering into this earth plane and leaving behind the coldness. Leaving behind the darkness of outer space.
Helen: Cave, cave. I’m in a cave.
Jack: You don’t have to be in a cave all the time either. Let’s just see what’s happening for you there.
Helen: I can see outside a hole.
Jack: Right. You can see. Can you see some sky?
Helen: No, not yet.
Jack: It’s just light then?
Helen: I can climb up. There are branches inside.
Jack: That would be a good thing to do.
Helen: It’s hard though. Slippery.
Jack: Yes, it’s difficult.
Helen: It’s muddy.
Jack: Yes, when you enter into incarnation there’s mud.
Helen: I keep slipping down. I’m never going to get up. [pause] Help! [calling for help] Maybe there’s somebody there…
Jack: Yes, maybe there’s somebody there to help.
Helen: Maybe somebody can hear me.
Jack: And maybe it doesn’t have to be done all at once – maybe it can be done in stages. And also, maybe someone is there now.
Helen: Maybe somebody has a rope.
Jack: And maybe even someone can take your hand and help you.
Helen: I’m too low inside. They can’t take my hand. I can’t make it up.
Jack: Maybe you’re not trying in the right place or the right way. Maybe you need to move around a little to find your way.
Helen: It’s a rope ladder – a ladder made of ropes. I don’t know if I can… I don’t know if I can. I can’t… I can’t… I can’t climb that!
Jack: How do you know? You haven’t tried.
Helen: It’s not going to hold me!
Jack: You don’t know – you don’t know the substance it’s made of.
Helen: I can’t reach it. It’s too far. [sigh] OK. I need to rest now.
Jack: Yes, maybe you need to rest. You’ve been working very hard and you’ve made a lot of change and movement in the last little while so… rest is good.
Helen: [panic again] But if I rest I’m going to slide back down! I can’t go back. I have to go forward.
Jack: Go forward. That’s fine. You have to go forward to make this movement – up, up, up. [gasps of struggling] Making this movement out of the mud, toward the light. Moving up toward the light.
Helen: [finally a more hopeful intonation] I’m just on the edge now. But I can’t get past that little… edge.
Jack: There’s an edge.
Helen: My fingers slip… slip… slip… [gasping]
Jack: Yes, it’s very hard. It’s very hard work – moving up and out towards the light… Moving out of the mud and the darkness.
Helen: There’s… I can feel somebody. I can’t see them but I can feel there’s somebody.
Helen: I think they’re going to help me. Come help me!
Jack: Yes, there are people who can help you.
Helen: But they’re not coming! [whimpers]
Jack: But now you can feel them there. You can feel their presence. [1:01:20]
Helen: Somebody is taking me from underneath my arms. Pulling me up. I can’t see who it is.
Jack: Maybe that’s not important or maybe that’s not given for you to see who it is.
Helen: I’m on grass now.
Jack: Hmm. Beautiful.
Helen: But there’s nobody.
Jack: Not yet… not yet… Just enjoy the grass. Enjoy the greenness of the grass. Why are you making a face?
Helen: [petulantly] Because I’m alone… And I thought there was somebody there…
Jack: But there was a moment ago… somebody helped you.
Helen: [close to tears] Where did they go?
Jack: But things are not there because you want them. Things are just there because they’re there when they’re needed.
Helen: [closer to tears] But I thought I wasn’t alone any more… and now I still am… [crying softly]
Jack: You’ve just arrived. You’ve just arrived on the grass – you haven’t given any time.
Helen: I’m nowhere!
Jack: You’re on the grass. That’s much better than outer space or mud. So you’ve already arrived somewhere but it’s not over yet. [whimpering] There’s still something more that needs to take place here. Still something more. So what is it in Helen that needs to trust – not always say, “Oh, it’s not enough, it’s not enough, it’s not the right thing.” Just trust that what is being provided is exactly the right thing for this circumstance right now.
Helen: I’m just lying there and not doing nuttin.
Jack: Try saying “Yes” instead of “No.”
Helen: I’m not saying, “No.” I’m just lying here.
Jack: Okay just lie there.
Helen: And I’m just going to wait.
Jack: Yes, I think waiting is good. The environment this time is at least not desperate. Sitting on the grass is relatively pleasant – a nice environment.
Helen: It’s almost like a parking lot. I don’t know where.
Jack: A parking lot? But there’s grass isn’t there?
Helen: Yes, but it’s because it hasn’t been used in a while. It used to be a parking lot. [pause]
Jack: Tell me what’s happening now with the cold and the heat. What does the body feel?
Helen: There’s still the cold inside though. It’s weird. It feels still like that shiver inside. Maybe it’s just tension.
Jack: Maybe there needs to be a deeper and deeper relaxation coming in.
I know it doesn’t feel yet like it’s somehow right but there has been enormous change take place. So there’s an adjustment that needs to happen at the same time. Just getting used to being in a different configuration inside. It’s not the same as it was.
Helen: Become the dog.
Helen: Yes, I feel like I’m a dog. I don’t know why.
Jack: Well, maybe. Does it feel bad being a dog or is it just weird?
Helen: Doesn’t feel good. Maybe it’s just temporary.
Jack: Yes. Maybe. [pause] Maybe you need to be a dog for a little while and maybe then you become something else. Perhaps. Maybe there are different stages that need to be felt.
Helen: Dogs get more love.
Jack: Dogs get a purer kind of love than most humans ever manage to enjoy. So maybe that’s really what’s needed. A pure love. An unconditional love. Maybe that’s what’s missing here. Maybe there’s a master that needs to appear that is capable of that unconditional love. Or some other entity so that you’re not alone. Let’s just see what happens.
Helen: But I don’t want to be a dog.
Jack: So maybe you need to just move on. But there’s something being shown to you nonetheless. How a dog receives love. So maybe that’s the point that needs to be seen.
Helen: [laughing] Somebody is calling me a bitch.
Jack: [laughing with her] Because you’re a dog?
Jack: Well the other side has a nice big sense of humor too you know.
Helen: And dogs can howl too – which is good.
Jack: Yes, dogs can howl.
Helen: And bite.
Jack: Yes, and bite.
Helen: [big sigh] [pause] I’m warm but I’m worried about food.
Jack: Yes, you need to have food.
Helen: I’m worried.
Jack: Well, maybe you have to go looking.
Helen: In the garbage.
Jack: Maybe. But maybe it doesn’t have to be garbage – maybe there’s some place you can find food that isn’t garbage.
Helen: No, no. I’ve got to stop. I’ve got to stop here. I don’t want to be a dog. I’ve got to stop. I just have to stop now and stop and be and relax.
Jack: And just be who you are.
Helen: Just relax.
Jack: Just relax, yes. Yes. We’ve done a huge amount; I’m not sure we need to do too much more – let’s just see what’s the right thing to do.
Helen: I don’t want to stay a dog. I’ve got to do something to get out of dog.
Jack: Go back to the beach where we began, in Tahiti. You can return there now and see the white sand and see the clearness of the water and the fish that are moving in it. And see the blue, blue sky. And the green of the bush and the palm trees.
Helen: But I’m just… like I’m a dog in the water, biting the water. So I gotta go and… and… How do I be a human again?
Jack: [very calmly and slowly] Well, I think it would help to feel the physical body you’re inhabiting right now… in order to feel the human-ness of that.
Helen: [whispered] Relax.
Jack: And you need to relax into it so you see yourself sitting on the beach as you were before, sitting there looking out at this beautiful scene. And so maybe there’s a dog in the water. That’s fine. But it’s not you. You’re shifted into the body that’s there on the beach. A human body. Just sitting on a beach. [pause] [Helen: big breath] Feeling the sand, feeling the sensations in the body, feeling the breathing, feeling the erectness of the spine. Maybe touching the sand with your fingers, so you feel your fingers now more. And the separateness of all the toes one from another. Just coming back into the physical body which is the one that belongs to you. Coming back into that body. [Helen: big breath] Yes, taking a good deep breath. Feeling the body working in its usual way. Feeling how there’s been certain transformations take place in the body. Especially in the intestinal tract, especially in that whole system in the body that now has a greater relaxation, is a little warmer than it was before, not cold any more.
Helen: I feel dizzy.
Jack: Well, you’re likely to feel dizzy because you’ve gone so far so quickly. So it’s quite possible and you’re also making a transition that’s kind of big – coming back into this human body once again and leaving behind all those experiences of being in deep space and then being in a dog’s body. And goodness knows what kind of a body you were in when you came through the cave – but I guess you were in a human body then because you were helped under the arms. Maybe it was just a bit of humor that was introduced into it to have you enter a dog’s body and be a bitch for a while. Because Helen knows how to be a bitch once in a while too. So that’s fine. It’s an aspect. But you’re back now in a human body, feeling the breathing, feeling the circulation of blood in the body. There may be a little bit of vertigo because of all the movement that’s taken place so you need to begin to feel the sensation in the hands and the sensation in the feet, feeling that the whole body is becoming more animated, more alive, more full of current life energy so you can come back into it now. So that it feels good to come back into it. And the body needs to begin moving; it’s been motionless for too long. Now just give me a little report on how you’re feeling. [[1:16:24]
Helen: I… I’m feeling… I’m feeling in my body. But there’s something missing. [we laugh about her recent operation to reduce her breast size]. They do feel different though. But I’m back.
Jack: You’re back now so not to worry and the body feels a little strange because of that operation but that’s all right. You can come back and open your eyes when you feel ready. Begin to orient yourself in this space and be prepared to be a little bit dizzy because it will take time to come back completely.
Helen: [big breath out] I could have stayed a dog though. It would have been better. [both laugh] I wouldn’t have to work. Food. Somebody picks up my shit. What a life! [laughter]
Jack: But I didn’t want you to go to your party tonight and start barking. [more laughter]
Helen: But they expect that. They know I’m a bitch. No, but seriously, that’s a lot of mud and a lot of substances.
Jack: It was very real.
Helen: A lot of yuck – the green – the green – you know when you have a bad cold…
Jack: Right. Exactly that color.
Helen: Ah, but I felt my dad was there so… in such a… a malevolent presence that was kind of loving. Malevolent and loving.
Jack: So it’s contradictory. That’s the problem.
Helen: It’s like not really loving; it’s pretending to love.
Jack: Right. It’s more like glomming on. Just because somebody gloms onto you doesn’t mean it’s loving.
Helen: I don’t believe in the devil but sometimes I think he’s a devil. He was so, so awful.
Jack: Well, he was really fucked up, right?
Helen: Yes, but still – there’s fucked up and there’s fucked up. It’s just… Ugh! And space… Space is awful. So scary.
Jack: Cold, cold, cold. And alone.
Helen: I hope I never have to go there again. Just thinking about it brings the trembling back. So better not think about it right now.
Jack: Try to stay with the beach, with Tahiti. Whenever that trembling starts go back to Tahiti. That should help.
Jack: But you see, deep space was the only place you could go to be far enough away.
Helen: There’s no place on earth far enough away.
Jack: No. Definitely not. You had to go but… it’s not a place to stay. The reason that was driving you there had to be driven out.
Helen: I’m not really that terrible person.
Jack: There’s no terrible person there but there’s a person there who had terrible things happen.