(Copyright © Jack Cain 2018, text and images)
Goal for this session: How to break out of the cycle of being injured or hurt?
Nadyezhda: I get a sense of sharp metal objects being hurled at me.
They could be spears but they’re also needles and scalpels and insults and vaccines and cruel things.
Jack: Yes, cruel things. Just watch them float by, images that float by. This is precisely what we’re asking about. So it’s very good that you make an immediate contact like that. And see very clearly the kinds of things that are coming at you.
And of course there are no accidents so there is something behind these things that are coming at you. We need to go deeper and deeper to get behind what is taking place there. Deeper and deeper.
Nadyezhda: I might have been in a battle. I was attacked. [big breath out] I just see this kind of cheesy Hollywood battle scene – the horses and the knights in armor. Sharp objects everywhere. Metal objects.
Jack: Let’s look at it a little more, a little more carefully. A little more in detail. We’ll just see what’s happening. It certainly seems like a standard kind of battle with armor and sharp metal objects as you said.
Can you see yourself there? Are you defending yourself or are you the attacker? What’s happening?
Nadyezhda: I’m a warrior. I’ve always felt that fighting spirit.
Jack: Look at that carefully. You’re living the life of a warrior which means you not only have sharp metal objects coming at you, you’re using them against others. Stay with the back and forth of that a little.
Nadyezhda: I feel I’m strong and capable but I’m outnumbered. And I’m defending myself from an attack.
Jack: So you’re in a defensive mode…
Nadyezhda: And I have skill as a warrior but I’m getting surrounded. I can only do so much.
Jack: Yes, yes. [pause]
Nadyezhda: I see red and black in my uniform. It would be in Asia – China or Japan.
Jack: What kind of feelings are present in that situation where you are outnumbered?
Nadyezhda: I feel some exhaustion. I feel almost that I enjoy fighting as well. I relish the sensations in my own body – the forcefulness of the movements I’m making… But there is exhaustion. I’m getting worn out.
Jack: Let’s just continue with what’s happening.
Nadyezhda: I see red armor. It’s a bit like a samurai costume. Leaves or plates of the armor. I see that.
Jack: So you have some amount of protection but only a certain amount.
Nadyezhda: I’d like to try to make the situation more clear. I’m concentrating on the sounds that I hear. The clashing of metal objects.
Jack: Yes, any of the sense perceptions – visual, auditory, smell also, and the taste in your mouth.
Nadyezhda: Smoke. Smoke and blood.
Cold. Cold feet.
I guess I’m questioning myself somewhat, what I’m seeing and feeling. But I just have to accept it – whatever it is that comes up.
Yes. I think it’s a bit cold. [cough] And mud is there. There’s mud on the battlefield.
Jack: Yes, just stay with what’s happening – the ordinary consciousness will comment: “I’m not sure if this is just my mind fabricating or… But it’s all unfolding the way it should.
Nadyezhda: Yes, I see that I’m wearing a samurai costume. With a helmet. And I see the type of boots they had and their cold feet in the way that they’re dancing in the mud and having to maneuver.
I’m not sure. I’m afraid this is the place where I die. But I still feel despite the tiredness, the fatigue and the cold in my legs and being outnumbered – I still feel I have vitality and strength. Maybe it’s the feeling of being attacked from all sides. [big breath out]
It was centuries ago.
Jack: Yes, probably.
Nadyezhda: I think I have a horse. I’m off my horse.
Oh, my horse is beautiful. She’s so strong, so powerful. But I’m concerned. Where is she? What are they doing to my horse? [pause]
I want to get to my horse and run away and she’s nearby. I think I have to retreat. Bloodthirsty. [cough] I just understood how surgeons are bloodthirsty. These people I’m fighting with. They’re violent and perverse. They’re sick, really twisted.
Jack: Right. So can you find your horse? Shall we see what happens next?
Nadyezhda: There’s a spear in my right side between two of the lower ribs. There are all these spears coming at me. I’m trying to get to my horse. I try to get on but I’m not making it. I can’t get away and… I want to get onto my horse. I’m trying to do that and I’m falling off. And there’s the cold sensation of being in the mud and having a spear in my side. Bleeding to death.
I think I can’t… [cough] I don’t see clearly what’s behind me but I see everything in front of me – it’s just a sea of soldiers. It’s really dense. I’m dying there in the cold mud. I can’t get on my horse. That’s it. I can’t move, I can’t get up.
Jack: That’s right, you can’t get up.
Nadyezhda: I can’t make the movement of freedom, of escape. I’m trapped there and I’m dying.
Jack: What feelings are there now?
Nadyezhda: Desperation. I think of wanting to feel the pleasure of riding my horse. I want the pleasure of victory. But I’m ripped out, taken down, and trapped.
Jack: Yes, trapped. There’s no way out.
Nadyezhda: Trapped. It’s a cold feeling. And the blood is leaving the body.
I don’t want you to feel any pain so just feel that you’re moving up above and looking down at what’s happening.
Nadyezhda: I’m afraid for my horse now. I can’t save her. I can’t keep her safe. [cough] Someone will kill her or take her away. Maybe they’ll capture her.
She’s so magnificent. I can feel her glossy coat. The way her hair is tied up is very beautiful. She’s magnificent.
Jack: There’s a relationship there between the two of you.
Nadyezhda: Yes, she also feels trapped and frightened because we’re cornered.
I feel like I’m the kind of soldier who fights for honor, fights honorably, and I’m surrounded by these people who fight just to possess or take. It’s crude, it’s hedonistic.
Jack: They don’t have that honor.
Nadyezhda: I was overtaken by them.
Jack: So there’s something unjust about it…
Nadyezhda: I can see the surroundings and how overcast the sky is and how damp the weather is. Everything is grey. It’s the dampness. Cold and damp. And I see how the trees are passive witnesses to the scene. [pause]
Jack: Well, let’s just see if there’s anything more that has to be seen in this scene but it seems to be fairly complete.
Nadyezhda: [cough] I guess maybe I have to understand about the sensations of being trapped and not having my freedom, being taken down, being in the mud, being cold, having metal objects pierce my flesh and …
Jack: And the injustice of it.
Nadyezhda: The injustice and the crudeness of my attackers. And the relationship to my horse. [pause]
Jack: A very, very strong situation and experience.
Nadyezhda: And the loss of vitality.
Jack: Yes. [pause]
Nadyezhda: That [cough] seems to be the kind of situation from the past that can replay itself.
Jack: Yes, I think that’s what’s happening.
There are purposes of course for each incarnation. We’re interested in the current incarnation and what can be done to break out of the cycle that Nadyezhda is living here now in the year 2018. What is it that is required of Nadyezhda right now that would be good for her life at the current moment from a much broader, higher point of view? This incarnation we’ve just seen – what does it mean?
Nadyezhda: It seems there’s something about the warrior spirit attracting a certain type of person who wants to challenge it and tease it and destroy it.
And there’s something about pulling the spear out of my side and having to heal the wounds because that wound is a weakness. It’s an entry point into the body. And I have to heal so that I’m not vulnerable any more.
The healing right now is about removing something that was put into the wound, something that doesn’t belong there.
We have to keep listening for a message of how did you say… How to resolve what needs to be resolved.
Jack: Yes, what is necessary to break out of the current cycle? In relation to what we’ve just seen – that particular life that had its own characteristics of honor and injustice, being overwhelmed by crude people. What steps specifically are needed now to help Nadyezhda step out of the force of that incarnation which is attracting crude people with sharp instruments. There’s something about that past life that is very, very powerful, having to do with the way Nadyezhda died. The relationship to the horse, feeling you weren’t able to save the horse, the injustice of that too. You may be feeling a certain guilt in not fulfilling what you wanted to fulfill. Although you had no choice. What’s going to be required now in relationship to that past life. What has to be let go of or given up?
Nadyezhda: Well, [cough] the first thing I get is that love needs to be cultivated more. The warrior spirit is a good thing but there’s something that needs to be resolved. I’m told I need to work on love, on relationships. [cough]
Jack: Yes, and just stay with that because – it sounds nice and it is nice – but what exactly does Nadyezhda need to do? What actions of love are required? Is there something that appears as an example? Or are there individuals? How is that actually going to work in practice? It sounds perfect but maybe there could be more assistance given.
Nadyezhda: I think it’s my mode of functioning in the world. As long as I’m always locked in the fighting mode then I attract more people who are going to participate in that but if I try to recondition myself so that love is more the way of life then that would help.
I think also there’s someone picking up my body out of the cold mud on the battlefield. I’m asking to be separated from the energetic imprint of that situation.
Nadyezhda: There’s a white angel picking me up out of that so that the mud isn’t all over me – forever.
Jack: Right. Yes. It’s a way of cleansing and leaving that behind. Perfect.
Nadyezhda: I’m just asking this white angel person to care for my body. At least the body of the person should be taken care of. That’s it – the body needs to be cared for, taken up out of the mud and washed, the wound closed…
Jack: Yes, because those crude people would do none of that…
Nadyezhda: Fresh clothing put on and at least a proper funeral.
Jack: And perhaps no longer clothing that is a warrior’s clothing. Something a little softer, gentler.
Nadyezhda: A kimono.
That’s it – to let the person have peace. Not just to be abandoned there after dying.
Jack: Yes, really in a way laid to rest properly and with love. The angel of course is very capable of doing that.
Nadyezhda: It’s soothing.
Jack: And what about the horse?
Nadyezhda: I think the horse survived. We can take her to pasture. She’s released from her duty. She can come to my funeral and then she can be free.
The most important thing is picking up the body and giving it a service instead of leaving it forever in that condition.
Jack: Yes, because it was still in that condition when you left. It’s a way of ending what really wasn’t ended properly.
Nadyezhda: It’s replacing colors and sensations of the battlefield with colors and sensations of peace. To let myself be at peace for once. [pause]
[big breath out] Good – there’s some release happening I think.
Jack: Yes, very much so.
Nadyezhda: I’d like to do some kind of formal service for my former self and for my ancestors.
Jack: Yes, you mentioned that your grandfather was a warrior.
Nadyezhda: The message is that it’s good to be a warrior because there’s integrity to that and there’s the fierceness of spirit but there’s also just some pleasure that I relish in the motions of being a warrior, the sensations. But when the warrior was killed it needed a proper service. But it also needs not to be only a warrior but to be a person, someone who can cultivate a different way of relating, not only fighting.
Maybe there’s something else that needs to come through. I often like to say, “What have we forgotten to ask?” What could be provided now that would be helpful to Nadyezhda in the general area of getting out of a cycle of being overwhelmed. [pause]
So it’s not a question of winning or losing, it’s a question of using the resources appropriately.
Nadyezhda: I see the white dove again. It’s peace and softness and communication. And something that goes from place to place, seeing things I’m not capable of seeing.
Jack: Yes. So maybe there simply needs to be a memory of that white dove that you return to frequently to help bring a kind of balance.
Nadyezhda: And speaking of love, I loved my horse. I can see her colors changing all the time from dark steely black to brown. So glossy and so powerful. I have sorrow around being separated from her too.
Jack: Well, maybe there’s a contact needed with the spirit of that horse so that you feel once again the support – under you. And of course in order to move forward forcefully, nothing better than a horse. It’s organically almost part of you.
Nadyezhda: I feel a lot of emotion for her.
Jack: Yes. That’s good. There’s a resource there that you need to be in touch with – the horse. You really recognize and remember her from before. So in order to move out of this cycle of repetition you have the possibility of connecting with that horse again now. To help you just move out you can visualize yourself riding out of it, riding out of this cycle. [pause]
Nadyezhda: I think there’s a bit more information – I’ve just been connecting with the horse and I think we have to go together. It’s not a horse who’s been subjugated. I won her favor and we became like one creature. So I am reconnecting and wanting to ride away into the distance and feel that freedom again.
Jack: Yes, just riding out of that cycle.
Nadyezhda: I’m asking for a kind of protection and guidance. I’m asking the Firebird but also this white angel that picked me off the battlefield.
Jack: That’s good.
Nadyezhda: They can help guide me.
Jack: Just ask and see if there’s any response or agreement. See what comes back to you from either or both of them.
Nadyezhda: I feel the presence of the white angel placing hands on me. I feel a sympathy. But maybe there are other types of instructions or verbal information that can help too.
Love is good. Love is healing as well.
I feel like I’ll be OK eventually.
And I think it’s important to remember that you can make contact on your own with the Firebird, with the angel, with the white dove – those are resources that are there for you. You’ve made contact strongly now in this session so it will be possible to go back if there are times which are difficult – there will always be times that are difficult. You can remember one of them or all of them and make a contact. And with the horse as well. So you may be able to just ride out of whatever the difficulty is.
I’m looking over the beautiful green landscape and the cliffs and the ocean. I can see that. It’s wonderful.
Nadyezhda: I’ll just express some gratitude to the angel, he white dove, the Firebird, the horse.
Jack: Yes. Very appropriate.
Nadyezhda: [big sigh]
Posts in this series: Repairing Time Lines, A Good Man, The Firebird, The Samurai.