(Copyright © Jack Cain 2016, text and images)
[some moments of silence as we begin]
Jack: There seems to always be that sense that something has been waiting for us.
Alfred: Yes, exactly. It’s almost like the conversation we were having is part of a much larger vertical conversation at different levels.
Jack: Yes, whereas the ordinary conversation is very flat.
Alfred: It’s as if the things we do at this level and at other levels are connecting and we have no way of participating in them when we are in our ordinary consciousness.
I am beginning to trust more those little flashes that pass by in the transition rather than dismissing them.
Jack: Yes, I think those flashes are an indication of the progress of the transition and they are reliable. They indicate that a movement has begun towards another state. They appear to be disruptive but I don’t think they are. [pause]
Alfred: Different little fragments. There was a green field – something that looked like a farming area with very beautiful, clear, Mediterranean weather. Then I was listening to a conversation that had something to do with a person, I think a woman, asking about having too much makeup. It feels very disjointed.
There’s a certain directive to go toward the back, towards the breath.
Jack: It seems there’s a balance that needs to be maintained between the consciousness of the body and the participation in the images. [pause]
Alfred: Gradually, just as I was despairing of being focused and aware of the fragmentation, there’s now an awareness of a light that is beginning to be more steady in the forehead area. There’s a beam that comes from above.
The body and the functions are not the source of the information but only a medium, an intermediary. [pause]
It’s like little fragments that the mind takes up and elaborates on so they are not very reliable – such as the image of myself as a much younger child and then there were associations of that initial one to me as a younger child perhaps in Europe or wearing European clothes. [pause]
It’s like what needs to be received is not information but a capacity so that it feels like whatever is received is just evidence of a change of state.
With that change of state I’m not bound to my form. I’m opening to what looks like a lunar landscape. I’m saying lunar because it’s obscure. It’s as if the boundaries of my body have opened up to a different planet or to an entirely different landscape – dark. There’s a source of light where I see mountains, valleys. It’s an odd perspective as if I’m above it. Very unfamiliar. There’s an apprehension and reaction to that just because of the darkness and the unfamiliarity. I’m moving rapidly above it.
It’s very clear that my seeking more clarity in the vision is not… I’m aware that it requires more inner vision rather than directing it through my gaze.
Jack: Yes, I think that’s an important distinction – to realize that you have to shift.
Alfred: It’s almost a shift to a different brain system. [pause]
There’s a sense that I’m materializing in a setting. Now there’s light, a golden light that is approaching and the body seems to consolidate into a whole in that light. Perhaps I’m viewing myself as the body is forming. There was a clear sense of circulation of different areas of the body as a form of perception while at the same time they are forming. There’s a chamber that is the source of light in which this process is taking place. I have just barely enough awareness to witness the process. It kind of flickers. The light is golden, like a rose gold, moving to a reddish gold. Clearly light – it’s not a substance, it’s light and color – but very substantial. Like matter it has a density and a volume. It seems like the focal point of some work that is taking place around me.
It’s almost like I feel a very quiet and soft landing, like a springy landing on a surface. Very light – like an area of low gravity. [pause]
There is a sense of my physical body here now but it’s as if there’s an attachment or expansion of my brain as if I’m operating from a much larger brain system towards the back and the top of the head.
This is my current body in this situation. There’s a bluish, blue coloration to all of that.
There’s a flashback to a morning sitting in which deep blue, cobalt blue, huge plates of what looked like glass came into my awareness. But this is not that depth of blue – it’s more the blue that I now identify with the blue bodies of blue beings.
Alfred: There is a certain kind of technical activity around what looks like a cube, which I have referred to before. It is golden and has dials. There’s a certain kind of expertise or proficiency that I have in maintaining or managing something to do with this particular apparatus. Not that different from what I drew for the Altar of Gold in our earlier session. It is different though in that there is activity around it. It’s like what I saw last time was in operation and this one is being prepared for something.
I sense a very high vibration – almost like the raw material, or the constituents of what this machine or apparatus is supposed to be processing or transmuting.
I feel it in my body – the raw material for that apparatus.
It’s very brilliant, it’s very luminescent. More than that it emits a certain light just from the substance it’s made of. All of it in that very intense golden quality. It’s a substance that is like a metal but a metal that is very porous. Like a gold that has great porousness between the molecules. It’s almost like a ghost of that machine or of what I would call a substance.
When I go back to a sensation of the body, there’s an awareness and a little fear in knowing that I will need to enter that machine, that maybe it’s being prepared for me, that it’s my role to get into it… to be operated on by this…
I’m doing the checkup on whether it’s prepared for whatever it is that it needs to do. Is it for me or is it in preparation for receiving someone else? It’s not clear.
Jack: But it’s clear that it’s a preparatory process?
Alfred: It is, yes.
It’s almost like an MRI machine or something like that although of a whole different substance and so on. It has the size and dimensions to include a being in it – someone who is being treated or exposed to some radiation or vibration.
It would be good for me now to just allow…
Jack: Yes, yes. [pause]
Alfred: There was a very interesting moment that seemed like a distraction but was actually the opposite. The Hebrew ani ata me you is vis-à-vis someone, perhaps a female, very androgynous looking, not clear but there was a sense of some transformation of ani me going into ata you. [pause]
It’s clear now that I’m turning towards help. I cannot… Whatever preparation is taking place, the source of whatever transformation of something that needs to happen is not within the system – it has to be received. A kind of attuning to a source that is not very clear yet. [pause]
I am floating in a field above this altar within that machine, in the space inside it, as if I have no gravity. And it’s directly related to a certain attunement, opening to a finer vibration. [pause]
There’s a simultaneous losing the form of this body while receiving something else. Measure for measure, losing and receiving at the same time. It’s so clear that one depends on the other. It’s very precise.
Yes. It’s a very conscious allowing the form of the body as it’s known to be dissolved. [pause]
Little moments of high intensity of vibrations that cannot find words or images. But there’s a feeding. What I see is a degraded image of whatever we experience as a feeding. Something being fed. Actual food for the body.
Jack: For new body…
Alfred: Yes, elements of nutrients that only gradually are recognized as building blocks or materials for this new body.
It’s kind of a shift. What I was more aware of was the gradual dissolution of the familiar form of the previous body and now it’s more of the goldenness, the increasing saturation of this golden form, golden body. Calling it golden is not entirely precise but it has that quality. [pause]
It’s like the blue body is transforming into a golden body; it’s not my current physical body that I’m speaking of. [pause]
Jack: Yes, it’s helpful to know that.
Alfred: And it’s clear that the breath functions in the same way that we have elucidated before as a coating vehicle or organ. And it’s not limited to the lungs but is a whole expansion and contraction, receiving those particles and on the outbreath they are driven or guided into their proper place. [pause]
There’s kind of a watching as each one of those particles seems to have its own intelligence, guiding themselves – a self-organizing structure in the body, filling in the gaps. Like the formation of an embryo that needs to follow the form of a being. [pause]
There’s a sense that at some point it’s close to a saturation point as something is kind of solidified. I’m not sure if it was anticipatory or an actual perception of movement how that golden being which experiences within and without it, outside of it, is kind of righting itself – it was prone and is now getting up from the machine, moving, walking.
It’s so interesting that it’s seen and at the same time it’s experienced – I’m in it, I’m it.
A kind of diminution of its goldenness into what might seem an ordinary type of body. Something is becoming less luminescent, radiant to a clothed body. Part of me wanted to say that it’s like the body of Christ or the body of some elevated figure but I’m not entirely confident.
Jack: But there’s something superior about it don’t you think.
Alfred: Yes, entirely. And there’s a gathering around it of us blue creatures. At the same time there is not a strict separation between him and my experience of myself. The usual separations don’t apply. There’s what feels like a joy of reunion or of completion. [pause] Very celebratory.
Alfred: He is among us and one of us. There is tremendous love and connection but there’s not the sense that he is of the same level. As if we have transported him to be with us or belonging to our group. A sense of reunion. Perhaps it’s not true. [previous sentence whispered.] There’s a gathering around him and a certain anticipation of his teaching, or whatever he will pronounce.
Jack: So is something being transmitted from him?
He is sitting on a higher place, an elevated bed or the place where the transformation took place. Not sure. It seems like there’s a half circle of beings sitting at his feet or on chairs. Not sure. Mostly there’s a silence that comes over him and us. It’s less important what he has to impart than the fact that he is with us. Something is transmitted directly. There’s a feeling that something was successful in making something like that happen – incarnating him or calling him forth to join us. [pause]
It’s almost like I gradually gathered the pluck to raise my eyes and gingerly look at his face.
Jack: Good. [pause]
Alfred: There’s such a contrast between the living and radiant smile, the benevolent, beneficent smile and at the same time the horror of the dead face, a corpse. The two at the same time. A dead body that is radiant. There’s a part of me that is horrified by a face that looks like it has decayed. And radiance coming through it. It’s like which part am I going to believe or connect to.
Jack: Both are present.
Alfred: Yes. It’s not clear whether the two are superimposed or whether they’re a distraction, an obstacle – something that is obscuring the radiance, the benevolence which is directed at me as he recognizes that I’m looking at him – almost like it was the moment of our gazes meeting. There’s a sense of almost an embarrassment at my distractions, at my falling for the appearance.
It’s an interpretation but it’s a bit like what it might have been like to encounter the body of the dead Christ on the third day. Something like that.
Something is relaxing in the forehead. And the doubt is kind of dissolving. There’s a sense of uninterrupted life – that in all those appearances there are no discontinuities in the uninterrupted living of this person. [pause]
There is a feeling of great joy and yet there’s a kind of inhibition or trepidation about it. There’s a residue of terrible loss in the shock of seeing the dead body – as if I’m not entirely of one feeling. A guardedness.
Jack: It sounds like an important perception there.
Alfred: Yes, yes. The kind of obstacle – not obstacle – a certain fear in giving myself completely to that level, the feeling towards him, the feeling received from him. [pause]
There’s almost a sense of intentionality on his part, of his knowing exactly that this is the obstacle that I’m struggling with and that he intentionally leaves it in place, and does not clear it out of my way, so that I need to find my own trust, my own faith beyond the appearances. Almost like showing me it’s all there.
“You sense it so clearly all over your body, the light and vibration, how can you be in doubt.”
With that, the image of the corpse dissolves but it’s not entirely overcome so to speak. It kind of comes back with the constrictions, the narrowing of the field again.
And then there’s a resting in that light which allows all of this to be… to not obscure…
Jack: Yes, it’s kind of a complete package. This is just one part.
Alfred: It’s almost like the gesture of letting one’s… of resting into water, into liquid, into… allowing one’s way to be completely carried and trusting that some substance can carry you completely without holding onto anything. A kind of releasing of any fear that I may be holding in the solar plexus.
It feels like floating on a warm substance. Almost body temperature. Being carried down into what looks like a cave, a long underground cave, without fear. [pause]
It feels like a transition back to current reality.
Jack: Like the shadows on Plato’s cave.
Alfred: Yes. The visual was of an underground river. It could be the Styx. With torches lighting every turn. My body floating down the river completely at peace. [pause]
[sounds of stretching and big breaths, sighs as Alfred emerges]
Jack: Very rich!
Alfred: Yes. Very rich and very generous. Somehow I’m given to stay longer with what is taking place. I think in the past I would have concluded this is the end of our session sooner. And it’s actually not clear that it’s over in the sense that that particular universe, that process continues while I’m not aware of it any longer. It doesn’t feel complete.
Jack: I think you can have a sense that it’s continuing, yes. And that you’re not now who you were an hour ago.
Alfred: Yes. Worlds within worlds, you know. And where we actually live is in such small fragments compared to where we would live or participate if we were conscious. [pause]
Alfred: It feels very much related to the altar that we had in that previous session [The Altar of Gold].
Jack: Yes, it’s definitely related – that had to happen first somehow.
Alfred: Except that in the first session it was actually coming on the scene so to speak whereas here it was already working and in operation and being used. This session was the whole process from preparation to participation to watching it and to the outcome and what its purpose has been.
It seems like the building of capacity is the building of a body and that is inseparable from the receiving of an experiencing. It’s almost like it’s one and the same thing – it’s inseparable – so that, as capacities are more present, the nature of the experience changes to reflect that.
Jack: Yes, it looks like that.
Alfred: Did you have any observations or reactions as to where you were in the session or whatever was visible to you? [pause]
Jack: Well, just a sense of how it seems more evident in this particular session that there’s a progression and an integrity to these sessions – more of a sense of how something is being woven together somehow, that what took place just now could not have taken place at the beginning of all these sessions certainly, or in the middle or anywhere else except where it did.
Jack: So, a sense of that but also in previous sessions there was a representation that was symbolic or through image – such as the eagle – but now it’s more direct, more of a direct participation in what’s taking place. It doesn’t need to be represented as something in order to be conveyed – because it’s being experienced through a more complete and intimate contact with different bodies.
Jack: So, as you’ve been saying a number of times, it’s a teaching but a teaching makes it sound like it’s some kind of instruction. It’s more of a record of something that is lived.
Alfred: There are few instances where I need to analogize it to anything else.
Jack: That’s right. Yes.
And also it’s been conveyed in words but of course that’s a kind of inadequate vehicle for what is actually taking place. Nevertheless, I still think that it’s important to make that attempt to convey it…
Jack: … because it can confirm – it can’t directly instruct maybe – but it can confirm someone else’s experience. Perhaps.
Alfred: The relationship also in coming back to my more ordinary way of being is less fragmented, or torn, or tense in the sense that I’m less reactive to having had this experience. It has its place and there’s no contradiction.
Jack: [chuckling] And you know you don’t have to think about it or figure it out.
It’s valued and it’s just left in place. In fact, there’s a certain kind of respect for it so that it is not picked at by my usual associative mind.
Jack: Yes, that’s important. And I think that’s a measure also of the strength of what took place. It’s powerful so you don’t fall back so completely into a very ordinary way of being.
Alfred: Yes. Yes.
Jack: And the same is true for me – it’s not my experience but something is conveyed, something is received by me as well.
Alfred: It feels like being in the presence of a teacher, any teacher who gives you a parable or a koan and really holds you there. When those Zen stories or koans are given casually without any structure and without the teacher’s presence, it becomes entirely mental and they are of course meaningless. But with a teacher who is actually holding you right there at the contradiction…
Jack: Which is what took place.
Alfred: Exactly. … you get all the support of the love of the teacher to overcome that level of contradiction that you need to transcend
Jack: Yes. That’s true.
Other postings in this series: Bodies, Bluish, The Cosmic Cleanup Team, The Joy of Taking My Place, Rescue & Ascension, A Continuity of Being, Creation, Rescue, The Empty Seat at the Table, Toxic Green, Pristine Stillness, What is Breathing?, Merging with the Light, The Alchemy of Transmuting Blue to White, Ascension, Montségur, Flood, Connecting Upward, The Thread, Ruby Eyes, Montségur 2, Quetzalcoatl, What We Have Bodies For, Slave Ships, Planetary Signs and Universal Perspectives, The Altar of Gold, The Breath Can Touch the Mind, The Battlefield That Has No End, The Quick and the Dead.