We’re All Just Energy

(Copyright © Jack Cain 2018, text and images)

Note: This posting of a session conducted May 15th, 2018 continues work begun in the previous posting: Being Worked by Light.

Jack: Laura, what’s taking place for you right now?

Laura: Now it’s just soft wavy lights. They’re not bright. I’m in darkness now. It’s very soft. And the lights are very roundish, wavy. Just kind of floating.

Jack: A sensation of floating or the lights are floating?

Laura: The lights are floating, yes.

Jack: It’s good to stay in contact with that very specific quality, that quality of softness and light.

Maybe at the same time you could come into contact with your breathing so you become more aware that you’re breathing. Not to change it in any way but just to follow the movement of air.

We’re entering into something now in this session as we make an approach to the subconscious mind which has all of the memories of this life and all previous lives. We’re looking for whatever the most important thing is [big stomach gurgle] for Laura to experience. It’s good to involve the body. It speaks up from time to time as it just did. But we need to see now what the next thing is that needs to appear or that you need to be aware of. Certainly the digestive process is having something to say. [Laura chuckles] That’s just another piece of information we need to take into account. [pause]

You need to feel that something is deepening in your state as well. That you’re moving deeper and deeper into this state of letting go, this state which is a slightly different state of consciousness. It gives you access to the deeper mind, the subconscious mind and it also gives access to doorways into the larger world with all of its characteristics and the entities that are there.

So are the lights about the same? What’s happening now Laura?

Laura: No, it’s more fixed. Now it feels… It’s like a spiral. It’s not moving. It’s just sort of in front of me. [pause]

There are other waves above and they’re moving like leaves. They’re like streaks of light.

Jack: There’s no need to try to make sense or understand what’s happening. It’s just a matter of following it. We’re very early in the session. We don’t know yet where it’s going…

Laura: My left ear is tickling inside the eardrum.

Jack: Just keep noticing the different things that are happening.

Laura: There are different forms coming in front of me. Just figures, lights dancing. Now they’re more round like before. They’re circular and bubble-like I guess. Now the top of my forehead is intense. There seems to be a connection there.

Jack: Just stay with those areas.

Laura: Now it’s just like there’s a wavelength, horizontal to me. Just like a wave line. And it feels like it’s dancing in the wind.

Jack: Good.

Laura: It’s like it’s sending light to me. Very softly. [pause]

Jack: Yes, it’s good just to stay with what’s taking place. And to follow the movement of what’s being presented to you. [pause]

Laura: It feels like I’m being pulled. My attention is being pulled. They’re showing me something. Sort of like I should go there.

Jack: So there’s a direction indicated?

Laura: Yes.

Jack: Good.

Laura: I feel different. My body is more relaxed. [big sigh] It’s like it’s more spacious.

Jack: Yes. That’s a good indication that you’re moving into a different level. [pause]

Laura: It’s somewhere else. It’s sort of like in the back of my head. I don’t know. It’s very strange. I don’t see it. It’s a new way of seeing.

I can feel these objects. They’re round. And they’re moving slowly in space. And they’re turning around. It’s like the whole space is moving with them. [pause]

Now I’m just in darkness. But very spacy. It doesn’t feel tight or anything. It feels good actually.

Jack: Yes, I think you’d agree that it’s a kind of darkness that is not oppressive or bad. Some people have said it’s even a kind of nurturing darkness.

Laura: I feel like there’s an aura above my head now. I guess it’s egg shaped. It sort of starts from my neck and goes up. Like with light.

I can feel my hands and my body but mostly my arms and the heart area. [big sigh] [pause]

It feels like I’m just floating. Well, not floating like water – just going up. [pause]

OK. Now it feels like there are layers. [pause]

Something is happening. It’s moving and I’m moving with it. I don’t know. It’s not a… It’s just I’m part of it.

Jack: You’re part of what’s taking place you mean?

Laura: Yes. [pause]

I’m seeing shapes and forms in lights – sort like Northern Lights but smaller. [pause]

It’s very beautiful. I’m just moving in it.

Jack: Yes, just enjoy what’s taking place. We don’t know exactly why this is taking place but it’s clear that it’s an experience that is very beautiful. [pause]

Laura: There are curtains of light and they’re dancing and making waves. Very soft. [pause]

It’s like there’s a round-shaped vehicle.

Jack: OK. [pause]

Laura: And now I’m in it.

It feels part of me.

Jack: Like you and the vehicle are one thing.

Laura: Yes, yes. [pause]

It’s got sort of a pink feeling to it. [pause]

Also I can direct it.

Jack: Yes, maybe you need to decide your direction and where you’re going. Even though you don’t know. Even though part of you doesn’t seem to know but… The reason you’re in the vehicle of course is to travel. And it’s being provided for you. [pause]

Laura: It feels like I’m going forward with it. It’s so funny. I met a women who told me to use her car the other day and I thought she was an alien. Oh my God. [crying] I’m sorry [for crying].

Jack: Don’t be sorry. It’s just what’s happening. Don’t worry about it. Connections are being made, that’s all.

Laura: It’s just that it touched my heart. [sigh]

Jack: It touched your heart because she made the offer?

Laura: She was very ill. She has multiple sclerosis. And I helped her [by getting her car from the grocery store parking lot for her]. And she said that it’s because of people like me that she has faith.

Jack: Right. [pause]

But are you still in the vehicle? Are you still moving? What’s happening?

Laura: Yes, I’m still in the vehicle.

Jack: OK. Good. [pause]

Laura: I’m just sort of floating around. I’m not doing anything right now.

Jack: Well, you have this vehicle. You may want to question your heart to see where it is you want to go, or where it is you need to go… Because it’s quite something to be given a vehicle… So rather than drifting around it’s maybe that you’ve forgotten where it is you need to go. [pause]

Laura: Again they’re showing me figures.

Jack: What are the figures like?

Laura: They’re very round-like. Some look like the yin and yang symbol. [pause] Now it feels like I’m in space. Where I was before. [pause]

Now there’s like a crown of light. And it’s floating downwards. It’s huge. It’s got rays that are like snake-like tentacles. [chuckling]

Jack: But it’s light mainly, right?

Laura: It’s light and it’s just floating.

Jack: Like in front of you?

Laura: Yes. [pause]

Now above my head there is another light formation. [pause]

They’re doing something.

It’s like they’re putting a curtain of light around me.

And there are energy waves coming up. Up to my head. There’s all this energy around me now.

That’s it. It feels like they’re working with the different layers around me. It’s so nice.

Jack: You mean it feels good.

Laura: I just think it’s really nice of them. [pause]

Again there are more figures like the yin and yang.

Jack: Yes perhaps you’ll be able to remember them and could draw them after the session. But the important thing is just what’s happening right now and the fact that you’re being shown many different things. [pause]

Laura: I feel I’m in a wider light. It’s a different tone. [pause]

Jack: And these lights have different colors?

Laura: Well, I’m in a different… the whole surrounding atmosphere is white instead of black [as it was] before. And I see these tall, sort of stringy… I guess they look like seaweed or something. They’re very tall and stringy.

Jack: Like a jellyfish?

Laura: No. Just like seaweed. It’s tall stringy stuff. They’re huge. There’s a couple of them. They’re in the distance. [pause]

And I can feel their energy.

Jack: Ah.

Laura: They’re very strong. They’re things, they’re people, they’re beings.

Jack: Yes, just because the shape is strange doesn’t mean they’re not beings. There are lots of different shapes of beings. So it’s good. You can probably feel their intelligence. [pause]

Laura: I can feel their heart – the motion of their heart.

They’re really big. They’re huge. They live in white light. There’s like a white vessel. It’s going by.

I think I was in the vessel and now I’m not because it’s gone.

Jack: And are those large beings still present?

Laura: No they’ve gone. But I can feel the energy still. It’s like an imprint.

Jack: Good.

Laura: Wow. It’s really strong.

Jack: So you’ve actually received something there.

Laura: It’s the guys from last time.

Jack: The same guys as last time? [i.e.: last session]

Laura: Yes, they’re here now.

Jack: They’ve just arrived you mean?

Laura: I can’t see them. They’re just so very present.

Jack: Yes. You feel the presence.

Laura: It’s like they’re… It’s almost like they’re crushing me. But they’re not. But it’s that strong.

Jack: The presence is so strong that you feel like you maybe could be crushed. Well, in comparison yes. [pause]

They’re here for a reason so let’s just see what it is. [pause]

Laura: I’m emanating sort of energy waves inside their energy. [questioning intonation as if not totally sure what’s going on] [pause]

Again on the hands. On the top of my forehead. Wow. There’s like a… Oh! There’s a… It’s really spectacular. This white light moving in circles but it’s so clear.

Jack: At the forehead you mean.

Laura: Yes, at the top of my head. [pause]

Now the energy is not as intense but it seems like the color… I don’t know… It’s like a shade of maybe orange or something. But it’s not bright. It’s like an atmosphere.

Jack: Is it sort of all around?

Laura: Yes, it’s all around. [pause]

Well, it seems like they’re gone but there’s like a… there’s a streak of light that’s just shooting right up and it starts from the middle of my body. It’s sharp – sort of like an arrow or something. And it’s just like a… it flashes white… I mean not white but like a metal.

Jack: Metallic?

Laura: Yes. Sort of… I don’t know… It feels like it’s an attachment to this…

Jack: An attachment to what?

Laura: To them.

Jack: OK. So you feel connected.

Laura: Yes, I feel connected. [pause]

Jack: Good. Good.

Laura: Yes, maybe they’re telling me what to do.

Jack: OK. Yes, now that that connection is in place it’s more possible. So do you have any detail about what you’re being told to do?

Laura: It’s again the hands. It’s all there.

Jack: [Jack chuckles] Right. [pause]

Can you see where you’re going to be working with your hands?

Laura: [sigh] It’s funny. I’m seeing that woman again who had multiple sclerosis.

Jack: Yes.

Laura: Maybe I can help her.

Jack: Right. Exactly. Yes. Any condition can be changed.

Laura: It’s very funny but… I don’t know who she is or where I could find her or anything. But I think here I can find her. Or anybody.

Jack: Yes, in the space you’re in right now you have access to…

Laura: Everything.

Jack: Yes. Exactly.

So you don’t need to be with her again. You can just do the healing with your hands. Or maybe you’ll meet her. Who knows? But the important thing is your realization that where you are now you have access. And since you’re there now you can come back there again. In a certain way you know where it is and you have a connection. [pause]

Laura: Oh, I remember. I know this place is sort of like a… It’s like the meeting place, you know. I’ve been here before in a dream. And everybody was here and I just had to go but now I’m here.

Jack: Yes, it’s very important that you’re there now consciously. In full consciousness.

[pause] You just need to be very aware of that location so you can come back to it when you need to. It’s a very specific location.

Laura: It’s a protected space.

Jack: Right.

Laura: And there are other beings there.

Jack: Yes.

Laura: Well, we’re all the same. It’s just… We’re all just energy.

Jack: Right. [pause]

Laura: This place is really old. It’s like an ancient stupa. We’re inside. [sigh]

I’ve just been gone for so long. [crying]

Jack: Yes, it’s sad to be gone for so long. But you’re back! Yes, you went very far away from it but now you’re back. And you know that that’s where you belong. [pause]

Laura: Now I see what’s like lights on the horizon. OK. It’s just very peaceful.

Jack: Yes, you’re kind of coming back to the planet I think. [pause]

Laura: I’m just sort of going into my body.

Jack: Yes. Yes. We have to begin to end this session and it’s very natural for you to feel that you’re back on the planet and you’re back in your body in a more ordinary way. It’s not possible to stay too long in the environments you’ve been in. But the contacts, the attachments are still there. It will be possible to be in touch as you need to.

So it’s good to feel the body fully and come back to the breathing once again. Just to feel the movement of breath in and out of the body. Begin to feel that the body is returning to a normal kind of sense. Being able to feel the hands and the feet and the face. Different parts of the body. Of course there’s a heaviness as you come back into the body. But that’s fine. That’s just the way it is. The sense of heaviness will begin to disappear as you begin to be more active.

I’m just going to count from 1 up until 10 to help us make a transition back.

[Using counting as an exit procedure from the altered state we finish.]

[The session lasted about one hour.]

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Being Worked by Light

(Copyright © Jack Cain 2018, text and images)

 Introduction: In this posting we can observe a working with light that is “upgrading” the human body to a new and higher level. Laura’s descriptions give a good idea of a process that has happened now in several sessions I have facilitated with a number of different clients. What she has to say about the nature of the light and the feeling of the light is very informative.

The presence of the entities performing this work could be strongly felt as the session began and that feeling continued throughout the session. This session was conducted on March 23rd, 2018.

The work described in this posting is continued in the next posting (We’re All Just Energy) where the action moves on to more powerful levels.

Jack: Laura, can you find some place as I suggested or can you tell me what’s happening right now.

Laura: I’m on a beach and it’s warm.

Jack: Ah. Yes.

Laura: And the water is turquoise. And there’s lots of space.

Jack: Good. And can you see off into the distance as well?

Laura: I see the trees along the side. I’m seeing it from the top.

Jack: You mean you’re looking down on it?

Laura: Yes.

Jack: Well, just spend a little time there. This is what your subconscious has provided as a place to start. It’s good to just observe. Feel the quality of the place, feel the warmth, and there’s something wonderful about that turquoise color as well. It’s good to be just there. It’s also good to be feeling that you have space. [pause]

Is there any particular emotion that’s present right now? What are you feeling in your emotional center?

Laura: I’m feeling calm and I also have a sense of movement – sort of a brushing up and down. It’s like a signal.

Jack: Yes, just be close to what’s happening, to the signal. Don’t try and figure it out particularly – your ordinary consciousness may want an explanation but that doesn’t matter. Just be close to the movement of brushing up and down. And see where that takes you.

Laura: [intonation as if it’s hard to speak] OK. It’s kind of calm right now.

I’m getting a warm feeling on my whole body. There’s a contact now. Yes. [sigh] [pause]

OK. So it’s like they’re taking over my body. It said just relax and…

Jack: That’s fine. Just allow what needs to take place to take place. [pause]

Laura: [sigh] It seems like they’re transferring information or something.

Jack: Yes, the computer term “download” is sometimes appropriate in these sessions – something is being downloaded. You don’t have to understand immediately what is downloaded but you have to feel open and receptive so that it just enters very naturally into the body. The body is prepared to receive it. That’s why the body needed to be taken over. It’s just information coming down. [2 minute pause]

Can you say anything more about what’s happening now Laura?

Laura: It seems to be moving up… It’s in my head more and my chest… It’s just warm feelings… I just feel… It’s still all in my body. My body feels like tingling. It’s like… It doesn’t feel like my body.

Jack: Well again, don’t try to look for an explanation. Just try to be close to what actually is taking place. The tingling of course is because there’s a lot more energy than usual.

Laura: It feels like I’m floating somewhere. I feel much lighter.

Jack: Much lighter. Good.

Yes. So just say with that sensation. It’s very specific as these changes take place. And there’s a very natural kind of transition. Because there is of course a lighter body inside you that you’re more connected to now. You’re leaving behind to some extent the heaviness of the physical body. Moving into closer contact with this lighter body.

And you’re doing this consciously. You’re still aware that you’re in this little room and all this is taking place.

Laura: It feels like there’s a movement – an energy that’s different, that swings. It feels like it’s making a circle, like there’s a pulse. And then there’s a sense of blue.

Jack: Can you describe the blue?

Laura: It’s not clear. It’s just that it seems like it’s in the darkness but it’s blue. And it’s taking me somewhere else.

Jack: OK. That’s fine. There may simply be other places you need to visit in this session. So movement is good.

And it’s the kind of a movement that… There’s something steady about that movement. Something deliberate and clear.

Laura: I’m seeing a formation around my body. It’s like it’s being drawn or something. I don’t know. It comes from another space. It’s going all around my body. Sort of like a rope of light.

Jack: OK. Yes, just follow what’s taking place. Follow the movement of that rope of light. All around the body. [1 minute pause]

Laura: OK. So their song. It feels like someone’s talking… something. But… I don’t…

Jack: Yes, sometimes the talking is hard to understand. You may need to ask your higher self or some wiser part of yourself to interpret so that you can tell me the words in English. Sometimes their words are hard to understand. But there’s a part of you that knows what they’re saying. You just need to ask that part. [2 minute pause]

And is there anything more now that you can say about what’s happening?

Laura: They’re putting on a bit more pressure.

They say, “Use the hands.” [pause]

They’re going through the hands. [pause]

Jack: So you can feel that taking place?

Laura: It’s very… The energy’s stronger there. [pause]

It feels a bit more heavy on the hands. [1 minute pause]

And now I’m just floating. [pause]

I’m starting to see forms of energy. [1 minute pause]

I feel this… It feels like electricity inside my body. It’s not just heat. It’s sort of intense. It’s very direct. [pause]

Jack: Is it in any particular area?

Laura: Yes, it’s more intense in my face and hands. It’s radiating

Jack: So it radiates out from those places?

Laura: Yes. [pause]

Jack: Good. [1 minute pause]

Laura: OK. They’re doing something to go to another level. Like it’s pressure and… So I’m kind of pulling back. And it’s happening. There’s like another vibration. It just feels deeper.

Jack: When you say “pulling back” are you resisting or…?

Laura: No. I’m more sort of… It’s like there’s another layer.

Jack: I see. Simply another layer. [pause]

Just give yourself to what’s taking place. Feel open to the exploration that’s being conducted for you. You can be very secure about the direction you’re being carried into because of the quality of the people who are helping you. [pause]

Laura: They’re working again on my hands. There’s a lot of light. I can’t feel my hands any more. It’s like there’s just light. But they’re doing it.

Jack: It’s good to feel the difference. It’s not usually possible to feel the light but you’re feeling it. So that’s a connection that’s very important. [pause]

Laura: I can’t feel my hands any more. [pause]

Jack: But do you see them with light around them?

Laura: It’s just too bright.

Jack: Ah, it’s just too bright.

Laura: It’s just bright light around that area of my hands.

It feels solid though. It feels very intense. [pause]

Jack: Yes, just try to be close to what’s happening. It’s a process. [1 minute pause]

Laura: I think I was resisting because now it feels better.

Jack: Yes, that often happens because it’s so unusual. There’s a part of the body that instinctively holds back because it’s not sure. But you can trust this level that is operating above you. It’s very positive and knows what it’s doing. So you can just allow this to take place. There’s a process that’s engaged.

We don’t know why this is happening right now. The ordinary mind may want to know but it’s not important right now to know. It’s important to be close to the process that’s happening and to feel open to it. The brightness of the light is an indication of the level of what’s taking place. It’s a very high level which is why it’s so hard to even look at it. [3 minute pause]

And what’s taking place now?

Laura: I’m still moving around.

Jack: Yes, movement is good. Different parts need to be touched and brought into some kind of alignment. [2 minute pause]

Laura: They’re showing me shapes.

Jack: Can you say more? What kind of shapes?

Laura: It’s sort of like an S. And then it just goes away.

Jack: Yes. Just notice – notice and absorb them. You don’t have to do anything about it. But it’s good to remember them. [pause]

Laura: It’s intense. They’re communicating. [pause]

Jack: Yes. And you’re receiving. And the information is going where it needs to go. [pause]

Laura: It feels like they’re using heat.

Jack: Is it in a particular area?

Laura: Mostly in the head. In the forehead. [5 minute pause]

Jack: What’s taking place now Laura.

Laura: I can feel my heartbeat. They’re still at my hands.

Jack: It just means that they need to do more work there so that’s fine. [pause]

Laura: Like the hands are numb. [pause] [At this point the session has been going on for an hour.]

Jack: Yes, I think if the hands are feeling numb we should begin to come back to an ordinary state because we can’t continue too long. We’ve been working quite a while already. Those helping us have been working quite a while. It’s important work but it’s also important to come back to the body after a certain time, to come back to any ordinary state.

So we need to have you gradually let go of what’s taking place. Probably we’ll come back to this work again or you’ll come back to it on your own again. It’s an ongoing work.

But now maybe you need to come back to the beach where we began. How does it feel when I suggest that?

Laura: Yes, it feels good.

Jack: This level of intensity is very good but we can only maintain our presence at this level for a certain time. Then we have to come back. It can be contacted again another time.

So if we come back to the beach, especially to the turquoise color, looking down on it the way you were before… the trees and the water. Beautiful color. Just come back there as a feeling of release, a feeling of letting go.

At the same time, the body has undergone a lot of work. Light and information have been downloaded into the body, especially into the hands, also into the head, and probably other areas as well but at least those two in particular.

It may be good as you’re back at the beach to feel a kind of gratitude, a kind of thankfulness at what was possible and the openness that you were able to achieve, even though there was a little resistance but it was not much.

A lot has taken place. A lot of information has been conveyed and a lot of work has been done. We don’t understand exactly what has taken place but it will become clear later.

So, just being back at the beach. Can you say anything about how you are right now?

Laura: It feels good to be back here.

I still feel my hands are numb though.

Jack: Yes, they’ll be numb for a little while – because there was such an intense work that went on… [chuckling] But don’t worry – they’ll come back to an ordinary state.

What’s important is that there are certain changes that have taken place.

Laura: They feel lighter now.

Jack: The hands feel lighter?

Laura: Actually my whole body feels lighter.

Jack: Yes, it should – because you made a visit to a very high level.

Laura: Yes, they’re pretty intense.

Jack: Yes. It’s kind of enormous what has taken place.

Anyway it’s good to be back at the beach. I have a usual way of ending the session which you will remember from before. So just visualize that you are walking down a broad avenue with trees on both sides.

[Ending procedure]

[Following this session Laura began doing healing work with her hands.]

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Tentacles, Swords & the Light

01 blue world IMG_1825(Copyright © Jack Cain 2018, text and images)

 Jack: So, Angela, have you been able to find some place. Just tell me where you are right now.

Angela: It started off as a beach, Varadero Beach in Cuba, and now it feels like a shark came.

Jack: Ah.

Angela: You know when people go deep diving and they’re in a cage, I feel like I’m in one of those cages and it’s going under water.

Jack: Maybe you can begin to see the outlines of the cage – see something more about it. Or some part of the body may respond. So just tell me a bit more.

Angela: I can feel the bars – I can feel my hands around the bars. They’re very thick. And then I can see a grey, dark, sharkey figure staring at me. I can feel that I’ve got on diving gear. I can feel the mouthpiece and the bubbles.

Jack: So you have the gear but you’re staring at some grey, dark, sharkey figure…

Angela: Right. And he’s looking right back at me.

Jack: You’re looking at each other.

Angela: And then it looks like he smiles and he clips the cage. I can see the chains and it looks like he’s got lobster claws so he’s able to cut that chain.

Jack: Oh. The chain that’s holding you?

Angela: But I don’t feel he’s an adversary… or that he’s going to eat me. I actually see and feel him cutting it and taking me somewhere else.

Jack: I see.

Angela: The cage and the shark just go into the water. He seems to be a messenger. He’s not the big boss. He’s a minion that’s been sent.

Jack: So he’s going to help you be transported then?

Angela: Right. He’s just a link in the chain.

Jack: So let’s see what happens next. Where is it you need to be transported to, or to whom…

Angela: We go a level deeper. And it’s just dark. It’s deep sea dark or the color of the dark midnight sky. And what’s being illustrated to me is… I feel like I’m still in the cage for my protection but I feel more free floating. When we first started, I could feel the constraints of the cage. But now I just feel like I’m free-floating in the cage. And the image that keeps coming up is like stars, and constellations. [5:25]

Jack: When you say dark, it’s not a scary dark is it?

Angela: No, it’s just pitch black. It’s what the bottom of the sea would look like – that level of darkness, or midnight sky but it doesn’t feel sinister.

Jack: Right, that’s what I meant.

Angela: It’s just dark.

Jack: It’s really where you need to be at this moment – in that night sky with stars, constellations. So let’s just see what comes now from that environment that you’ve moved into. It’s a different level as you’ve said. So something different can come now. Let’s just see what it is.

02 Menacing fungus IMG_2193Angela: Well, now I feel like tentacles – I’m being wrapped up by an octopus or a squid. I can feel it on the back of my neck, on my shoulders – I can feel myself struggling. And then I see a mouth with teeth. [making a gnarling sound] The feeling of being sucked in. I don’t know if I want to be sucked into it or if I want to fight this thing.

And what presents to me is a sword, a white sword and it’s glowing – to cut off the tentacles. And then what remains is just – just imagine a squid head or an octopus’ head with these teeth – no tentacles now. I keep getting that image of these sharp teeth and the head is very round. The teeth are sharp and pointy and they’re lodged in a critter’s body that is very circular.

Jack: So the body that’s left is circular. OK.

Angela: It looks like – if you’ve ever seen a hook worm or a tape worm under a microscope – that’s what the jaws look like.

Jack: OK. But you still have this sword?

Angela: Yeah, because what happened or what I just heard was like “growing back, growing back.” They keep growing back until you destroy the head and then I saw myself pick up the sword and pierce the head.

Jack: OK. Good.

Angela: Now it’s on the tip of the sword. And then I felt like a sensation in my throat like I was swallowing, like I was swallowing it and when I swallow it the tentacles start to grow out of me.

The image that I keep getting is like this regeneration and it’s like this repetitive cycle. I go through this cycle: I cut the squid, I get rid of the tentacles and here’s the thing and then I go back and eat it. And then I just become it again and again. My subconscious is showing me that image over and over and over again.

Jack: The scene keeps being repeated?

Angela: Right. Or something bigger comes along and eats me and I’m right back where I was.

Now the word that comes is “antidote” and it looks like this vial. It’s luminescent white and pearly colored with rainbow pieces to it. It looks like the eye of a unicorn or the eye of a dragon but not in a menacing way.

Jack: OK. Great.

Angela: There’s the image of drinking the vial. The vial is filled with a dark purple, bluish liquid with little flecks of spark on it. And when I drink it I can feel energy coming back into my body and I get images of strength.

Jack: Great.

Angela: And then I see myself almost like a Hercules, like a man resting by a tree. Then there’s this literally like a Pegasus that is flying around and helping me. It’s weird – it’s like Walt Disney’s Hercules.

Jack: So you’re getting help as well as being very strong.

Angela: Yeah. And the image really is just rest. Laying it to rest. Rest, rest, rest. Rest easy. [pause]

03 sunlit agave IMG_2067It morphs. Now the theme morphs to… First it looks like a cobra and then it looks like an eagle and next it looks like an eagle with a cobra in its mouth. That did make me feel like whoa now we’re at the big boss. I’m starting to feel uneasy. Because the image looked so menacing – this big black snake, this cobra-like character.

Jack: But there’s an eagle too.

Angela: What I saw was a snake and then the eagle grabbing it in its talons, putting it in its mouth and just flying off with it.

Jack: OK. But the cobra was menacing you said.

Angela: Yeah, yeah. It was scary.

Jack: But the eagle has dealt with it. The bird that sees the farthest.

Angela: But the cobra was very much in my face: “What are you going to do now girl.”

Jack: But the eagle came right away for you?

Angela: Yeah. It morphed from cobra to eagle and I can see the eagle grasp the cobra by like its mid-section and then get it with its talons and its beak. And I can see it carry it and just drop it in the middle of… like literally in the middle of the ocean or… It looks like a field of oceans but just deep, dark water.

Jack: Where it belongs maybe. Because it’s dark too.

Angela: I can feel the limpness of the cobra. I can feel that it’s been injured. So now I see it in the water. I’m watching it but I can also feel it, what’s happening to it. So I’m in the water as well. And I can feel the water rising – you know when you’re swimming and the water is up to your eyes. [17:00]

Jack: So you’re in the same water?

Angela: Yes. [pause]

And then I feel surrounded. I feel surrounded by wolves, like a wolf. He’s circling me and I’m… like we’re circling each other.

Jack: Just one wolf?

Angela: Yeah, yeah. It feels like one even though it also feels like he’s one that has… he feels like he’s many but it is just one when I look around. But he’s so intimidating it feels like there are many. You know how someone just has presence. He’s just got presence.

Jack: Presence. Yeah, OK. Wow.

Angela: Then he morphs into like an older – a really old man. Almost indigenous looking or Chinese or Siberian with a bald head. And it was just a costume that he was wearing.

Jack: Oh, I see.

Angela: And we’re sitting and he’s sharing food with me. [pause]

I’m terrified he’s going to try to poison me.

Jack: [surprised] Oh!

Angela: I keep hearing or seeing “No, it’s medicine” and at first it makes me sick and I can see myself kind of laying on the ground convulsing but the word that comes up is that it’s like that “detox” medicine where you get really sick and then…

Jack: So, it’s a purge.

Angela: Yeah, yeah. Just stuff is coming up. Like I’m vomiting houses and children. I vomit skeletons and bones and bird heads and [sigh] femurs and wings.

Jack: Wow.

Angela: And I’m still very masculine. I feel like a man in this one. [pause]

Then the image that comes to me is from the Tarot… all of this stuff that I’ve vomited turns into a Tower. So that Tower card from Tarot comes. [Meaning: sudden unforeseen change.] [pause] [big sigh]

And then I just hear, “Nice landing.” [both laughing] Because now I’m on the soft grass. [pause]

Jack: Yeah, maybe you need to rest in the soft grass after all that…

Angela: And there are literally fairies and entities clapping. And caterpillars and bumblebees and… “Yay – you did it!”

Jack: Great. So you’re being applauded – how wonderful.

Angela: And then there’s the spirit of a tree. Very grandmother-esque that is just kind of taking me up and nurturing me. And lots of images around nourishment – like soup and food… like I’m held in these trees with this particular tree being… the word that comes up is “being nursed back to health.”

04 Crocuses shouting IMG_2221Jack: Good… nursed back to health, yeah. There’s a real substance you can feel that comes into you from the trees.

Angela: Right. I could hear myself saying, “Why? Why all this…? Why all this pain and drama?” And all I’m hearing back is, “Why not?” [laughter]

Jack: Well, it seems like it was necessary, right?

Angela: Yeah, yeah. And then it just turns into flowers – flowers sprouting in this beautiful rich garden. And then I can see the eagle again but this time it’s all white and then I can see the cobra and this time it’s all white too and it’s just laying… it’s wrapped up on my stomach. But the energy this time as it stares me down is a different kind of power… It’s intimidating but it’s like that intimidation that you get when you’re with a being that’s just really grounded and enlightened. Not that kind of shaking the first time that the cobra appeared. First you’re just nasty and evil and now it’s like you know you’ve been transformed. [pause]

Jack: Beautiful, yes. Transformed yes. Absolutely transformed. Good. Good. [pause]

Angela: Now I only see images of pyramids and triangles. [pause] And the word like “base” and “stability.”

Jack: Yes the pyramid is the most stable structure.

Angela: And then there’s a unzipping of that image and I’m being invited to go into the pyramid, to crawl into it. And it feels like a tunnel and as I go through the tunnel I finally get to this inner chamber.

Jack: Good.

Angela: And there’s like a… It just keeps saying like… there’s like a crow or a raven or something in there… It’s like “It’s time to resurrect what died inside of you.”

Jack: I see.

Angela: There’s this whole coffin, there’s this whole inner chamber and literally I can see myself wandering around and putting jewels on the mummy or on the… It’s weird – every time I put a jewel on it, the flesh comes back and then I put the crown on and I literally see like a Nefertiti, Cleopatra come to life. And I can feel her forehead against my forehead – so there’s some kind of download taking place and I see an image of an eye, like an eye of Horus. [pause]

And I can feel her dressing me with poultices so like… physically I don’t look different but internally… yeah like I’m literally hearing, “This is your time to internally purge.” I can see her, I can see her working on my insides scrapping away film and muck and mold. And I hear, “Polishing your inside, this is polishing the inside. It’s time to polish the inside.” And I can see her stuffing my body with jewels and treasure. And I hear her say, “Discover the treasures within.”

But I feel myself asking her, “Yeah, but look at where I’m at. I’m terrified. I’m terrified” [laughter] And I can see her illuminating this protective shield around me.

Jack: Oh, good. [pause]

Angela: And I can see her – I’m like in a bubble and she’s moved me to the next level. There are about three or four more levels that I have to complete but I can see myself – it feels like I’m on track to complete the levels to get to the tip of the pyramid. Which I’m like, “Well, what is that?”

And I hear her saying, “You define that.”

Jack: I see.

Angela: You define your kind of goal. And I hear her say, “I’ll help you. I’ll help you define it and I’ll help you get there but you define it.” [chuckle] It’s like you’ve beat man’s game, now it’s time for you to create and play your own game – for you and by you.

You’ve reached what man defines as successful. Now you have to define your own stars, your own course. I can literally hear her say, “You look to the heavens to tell you what your course should be but that’s not how it works. You actually, in this life, get to define what your course will be. It’s not a pre-programmed thing.”

It’s so scary to even say it because I feel like I’m crossing some kind of threshold. Like I want the universe to assign me a role and say “You’re going to be a postwoman – like doing post office delivery. But she’s shaking her head and saying, “At this level you get to define it.”

Jack: OK. Good. What’s the definition?

05 mauve poppy IMG_0519Angela: Yeah. Yeah. I see myself writing. I can see myself literally scribing. [chuckling] I can feel a nice ocean breeze from Hawaii on my back. [pause]

Now I’m literally in a cabana if you will and all I hear is the ocean waves and I can sense and feel the lushness of the trees and of the tropics and I’m just writing.

Jack: Writing. OK. [pause]

Angela: And there’s like a star, there’s a star on the paper and then that symbol of – I think in the Wiccan tradition – maiden/crone two moons and a star in the middle. First is the maiden and a crone in the middle is the symbol I’m being given. [pause]

And I can see it on my hand – my hand suddenly displays that symbol – different patterns of it. [pause]

And then I can see myself cutting these golden handcuffs.

Jack: I see. Golden handcuffs!

Angela: Wow. Yeah, yeah it’s weird. Because with the handcuffs I’m able to write but once I cut them all of this gold liquid… this gold, sparkly, shimmery liquid just pours out all over the scene. And there’s just so much flow and enthusiasm and joy.

Jack: OK. Enthusiasm, joy.

Angela: It’s just oozing and squirting everywhere. Just oozing honey.

And then I hear, “Don’t be afraid. Don’t be afraid.” Move through the fear. Move with the fear but don’t let the fear stop you.

Jack: Good. Good advice. Yes, you have to keep moving. [pause]

Angela: And then I’m being given a gift from the eagle of like this pearl. But it’s clear. It looks like a pearl when you look at it but when you actually look into it the word “vision” pops up. Like focus on your vision.

Jack: Vision. Yes, you need to focus on the vision. Because look how it has served you in this session alone. [pause]

Angela: And then I can feel hands either holding mine or supporting my lower back. And supporting me when I say “No” because that’s the other thing that’s coming – “Say no. Just say no.”

Jack: Right. Yes. That support is very important. So feel those hands very clearly because they can come back and help you when you need.

Angela: Yeah, it’s interesting because I got this image of some of that fear that I feel around going up to where I work. I got this image of well, what if they shoot up the place and I just got this image of me putting that fear into a box and closing it and saying no. It’s OK to close that door.

Jack: Yes, OK to close that door. I think that’s very important. And the idea of putting the fear in the box. That’s so practical.

Angela: Yeah and there’s just so much white and so much light when I can do that. Like I’m in this room and there are tons of doors, there are tons of options. And I’m just a little eyeball. All I see is my eyeball and I can open the door or I can shut it, I can open the door or I can shut, I can open it or shut it.

Jack: Right.

Angela: So it’s really directing my vision where I want it to go. Because there are some doors that I’m leaving open. And that’s where my gaze and my attention will go. It’s literally directing the energy. Directing my gaze to where I want to focus my energy is the message that’s coming through loud and clear.

Jack: Good. Good. [pause]

Angela: And I’m hearing, “Where is my gaze?” When I get stuck that’s the question to ask myself – like “Where is my gaze?” And I can literally use that as a technique.

Jack: Right.

Angela: To put it in the box. Close it up. Blow it up with a rose and open up the door that I do want to open up.

[pause] And then I see all these roses. When I want to bring something in – put down roses to bring it in. I’m hearing, “Use your energy in a different way.”

Jack: That’s great: Use your energy in a different way.

Angela: And I’m seeing more swords, swords and machetes, because the inner question that I’m asking is “What about if I’m too tired? What about if I…?” Like I’m hearing and I’m seeing like to use my sword to cut off – because it’s taking me back to that octopus like when those tentacles are around me use the sword to cut them off. To cut off that energy and then open the door again to what I want to see, for what I want to bring in.

[chuckle] And then I’m seeing and hearing, “This is advanced. We know this is advanced.” Because I can feel myself complaining like, “Why? Why can’t it just be easy.”

Jack: No, you have to make the effort to use the tools you’re being given. It’s up to you. But look at the tools – amazing.

Angela: Yeah, I mean really.

Jack: And look at the cleanup job that was done. A huge cleanup.

Angela: Yeah all that stuff we started with at the beginning. My God! To where we are now where it’s like “Choose whatever route you want.”

Jack: Yeah, and it couldn’t have been done without the cleanup job and without the tools.

Angela: The image that I get is like a book and the words “The End.” But it’s showing the start to the end, like this is the story. Or like this is the arch, this is the narrative. It wouldn’t be a story without those pieces.

Jack: No, they’re needed. Absolutely.

Wonderful. Wonderful. Amazing. [pause]

So maybe we should ask if there’s just some last thing that’s needed that we’ve forgotten about or haven’t asked about.

Angela: The last piece that comes through is just this image of a baby being born.

Jack: Ah.

Angela: I’ve been dreaming about that for a long time. A few weeks ago I had twins in my dream and then the other night I was giving birth to another baby so I think I’m just giving birth to a different part of me. Give birth. This is the process of giving birth.

Jack: That’s right. Yes, it’s like a whole new being.

Angela: Yes. Yes.

Jack: Good.

[Ending procedure to exit the altered state of consciousness]

06 roses IMG_0072

Other posts in this series: Ritual is Just a Doorway, Cempazúchitl (Marigolds), Toe Holds and Alligators, Tentacles, Swords and the Light.

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The Double M of Darkness

(Copyright © Jack Cain 2018, text and images)

Jack: So, Sophia, have you been able to find some place that you’d like to be right now? Tell me a bit about it.

Sophia: Yes, it’s weird because usually I can come up with a place that’s just idyllic but this one is a route to being idyllic. It’s a bit isolated and lonely and I’m a bit scared.

Jack: OK.

Sophia: It’s this huge canopied sort of archway in a forest and I’m moving towards a kind of orange, more lit area that’s like an open part of the grove. And I know that I’m eventually moving towards the sea or the ocean where being so scared and all that won’t matter.

I’m actually moving towards… I’m moving. Which is the first time I’ve really been moving.

Jack: I see. Let’s stay with the scene that you’ve entered. Allow it to have its own life…

Sophia: [big breath in] Hmm. The sense of isolation. The sense that I’m in a birth canal as well. Which is why I moved. Because I wanted to be born but I didn’t want to go through the pain of growing up.

It’s like it’s teaching me to grow up. It’s like being alone is forcing me to be independent, to not be needy, to not need people even though I like people. To become strong. To have courage. To…

Yes, I’m terrified of meeting people or being with people I don’t like. I’m terrified of hurting them. I’m terrified of being so mad at them that I hurt them and make them go away.

Jack: Ah, that’s the clue then – making them go away.

Sophia: Yes.

Jack: And then you’ll be alone.

Sophia: Yes.

Jack: But I wonder if you just stay with that… that sense of people going away… Is there some other scene we have to see or something underneath that? You might want to also check in the physical body – Is there some part of the physical body that is connected to that?

Sophia: My intestines. My stomach and intestines.

They’re scared out of their gourd. [laughter]

Jack: It’s good to stay with the intestines then.

Sophia: It’s like… I don’t want to go in there. I don’t want to be in there. Because when I’m in there I’m by myself and I feel unloved. And it’s like when I’m by myself here it’s safe but I feel a bit unloved.

Jack: So you understand something about that. If you concentrate on your intestines right now, maybe there’s some incident – in your childhood or in a past life – something that relates. Because your intestines are tied up in a knot about this.

Sophia: Yes.

Jack: So there’s something pushing it. There’s a pattern, right?

Sophia: Well, there are three things. One, when I was a little girl, I almost died. I was three and I had these allergies to wood and house dust. I almost died. I had really, really high fevers. They did all the allergy tests and discovered that it was house dust. So we moved house and I recovered.

The second one was, from the time I was three or four, there was a lot of unrest in our country and my father’s life was threatened so I used to be afraid when he would leave that I would never see him again. Alive.

And later my mom developed TB and she was in hospital for months before we actually did leave the country. My brother Jimmy and I were on our own. And I felt that nobody really cared. Once when we were playing, I ripped by calf open on some barbed wire and my parents didn’t notice it. Also I couldn’t visit my mom much in hospital, not at all really. I thought she’d abandoned me you know.

When I was three we went to Europe and we went on a chair lift. I was with some guy who was a stranger. It was side-by-side. Like a T-bar. But it was a chair lift thousands of feet up. When I looked down I thought, “There’s only this bar separating me from slipping out. And the guy was not holding onto me. He was a stranger. I said to myself, “My parents don’t know everything about looking after me.” There were times when my parents did not look after me. That was a shock. At three I thought that.

So I’ve had themes of abandonment from the time I was a little girl.

Jack: So why don’t we ask then, right now. What would allow some of that emotion that feeling of abandonment to be let go of? What help is needed to let go of that?

Sophia: Do you know what really came to me.

Jack: Tell me.

Sophia: I needed to push things – it’s like my intestines – I needed to push things out of me to let light in.

The first thing that came to mind was to be able to let [my boyfriend] Gerald love me. I need to let Gerald love me to not feel so abandoned.

And, digging into that intestinal feeling, there’s a feeling that I need to remind myself that I am loved. To remind myself that even though my parents have passed on they’re still around.

Jack: Well certainly. You have a strong connection with them. Definitely.

Sophia: And they still love me. It was really strange – I have not had a communication that I felt was direct from my dad for a long time. But about three days ago, all of a sudden, it was like a bunch of voices reassuring me, and one of those voices said, “Don’t worry bambino!” And that’s what my dad used to call me. I could not believe it. There was a chorus of voices reassuring me.

Jack: So something has to be convinced – but it’s the three-year-old that needs to be convinced.

Sophia: [tone of resignation] But the three-year-old knew.

Jack: [chuckling] Well then the three-year-old needs to listen to what she knows. Because she really knows deep down…

Sophia: that she’s deeply loved.

Jack: Yes. She knows. But maybe it’s a matter of reminding her. You know. And you can see her in those positions. Like the ski lift. You can be there with her.

Sophia: I knew… She knew she was loved.

Jack: Yes. You see.

Sophia: Even there, I knew that no matter how much my parents loved me they couldn’t… they weren’t perfect. It was just an enormous awakening for a three-year-old to have.

Jack: Absolutely.

Sophia: And I forgave them. Like I got it.

Jack: So what’s missing then? What’s standing in the way of your being…

Sophia: [interrupting] Fear of life.

Jack: Right – you see. It’s not just a fear of abandonment then.

Sophia: It’s fear of life. You’re right. That’s what it is. Fear of living. Fear of feelings.

Jack: And there’s something about deserving in all of that too, isn’t there? You don’t deserve to live life fully?

Sophia: Yes. Yes, it’s really strange that I feel my brother gets it. My brother feels like he can live with abundance.

It’s taken me a long time to feel that I can have abundance let alone that I deserve abundance. It’s like I replace abundance with food.

Jack: Yes.

Sophia: And food allows me to curl up and hide from life. I’m afraid of it.

Jack: That curling up – I’m wondering if that was before you were born? That curling up, that fetal position.

Sophia: Yes. [intonation of maybe]

Jack: Like do I really want to do this? It was too late to change your mind at that point but…

So maybe even back that far there needs to be some help given to that being who didn’t really want… wasn’t sure she wanted to come through that birth canal… and when she finally did wasn’t really sure that she should engage or deserve to engage in life fully.

Sophia: You see, mom was very protective of me because I got so sick, but it wasn’t just that… she was protective of me with dad’s family because the family was so vicious at times. And… she wanted to leave dad because of those family difficulties but she didn’t want to tell him that because it would have hurt him. She wanted to go back to her home in The Netherlands. She didn’t think she would have been able to take us. But then she thought nobody else could love us the way she would have and I think that is kind of the… She didn’t tell me this until a few years ago – just before she died – and that’s one thing I’ve never told Jimmy – I’m scared to tell him. He would be angry to hear it.

Jack: There may be no need to tell him. But what’s important is what relates to you. When you look at all the vibrations around her dilemma… You were precious to her… to the point where she considered going back to The Netherlands because she thought it would be better for you.

Sophia: For her.

Jack: And her too but she’s thinking of you as well. But the child of three or the infant that’s not even born yet is receiving all these impressions.

Sophia: Yes.

Jack: So that doubt in your mother’s mind – even before you were born maybe…

Sophia: I think… I’m beginning to…

Jack: …was already having an impact… and helping the fetus to come to the conclusion… “My goodness, was this really such a good idea? Maybe I should…”

Sophia: Run away…

Jack: … well, abort, or whatever… go back to the other side and try again for a different time… maybe this is just going to be too much. But somehow there has to be, I feel, work on that. I think you have to communicate with the fetus and communicate with the three-year-old to reassure it, her, that it’s OK. It has all worked out. You know it has worked out because you’re quite a few years older now and you’re surviving and everything’s fine but I think you’re suffering under the influence of what was taking place at those times before birth and the first few years after where there were a number of events – and not just events but vibrations coming towards you from your circumstance and your whole family’s circumstance. So, all these vibrations are entering, entering, entering. Even things that are not spoken but just felt. Everything has an impact on the child. So, I think there needs to be a relationship developed between you and your inner child, or however you want to put it, at those early ages.

Sophia: Hmm.

Jack: Why don’t we go back and have you – as if we’re rewinding the movie – go back where you’re entering the forest…

Sophia: [with a bit of fear in the voice] OK

Jack: And just feel that you’re there with the three-year-old and yourself as you are now and you’re walking through that forest. Is it still as scary now?

Sophia: No. [with an intonation that says “not at all”] No… I’m holding the little three-year-old by the hand.

Jack: And she needs to be convinced that it’s actually a beautiful forest. It’s part of life.

Sophia: [hesitating] Well… [big sigh]

Jack: [chuckling] Can you get that far?

Sophia: Well, there’s mystery. For some reason what’s above is the scariest. And it’s blue-green. It’s that blue-green of a dark, dark forest. On the ground it’s not so scary but above us it’s terrifying. But we make our way through it.

Jack: You make your way through it but don’t you see that there’s life in that blue-green?

Sophia: [with some hesitation] Yes… There’s beauty.

Jack: And beauty.

Sophia: Now, all of a sudden the sun is shining through the leaves and I can see them there.

Jack: You need to look more closely. Because when you don’t look closely it’s just dark.

Sophia: Oh. [intonation of surprise, and being not quite sure]

Jack: There’s light coming through those leaves… otherwise there wouldn’t be leaves there – they wouldn’t survive. So… you need to examine what is above you a little more carefully.

Sophia: It’s strange because, as soon as I soothe myself and ease my worries, Gerald’s there.

Jack: That’s a part of everything that’s going on right now too. Yes. So maybe he needs to be introduced to this three-year-old.

Sophia: [hesitating] Oh. Terrified little girl. But brave. I was a brave little girl.

Jack: So maybe you need to get to the beach with the three-year-old and introduce her to the big world outside…

Sophia: Well, she runs to Gerald.

Jack: Beautiful.

Sophia: And he holds her close. And he looks at me. And he understands. And he understands a lot more about my fear.

Jack: Yes. Yes. He’ll understand a lot more now.

Sophia: He really thinks she’s beautiful, a beautiful person. He holds her back and looks at her and he thinks she’s really cute. And he sees the woman I’ve become and he marvels. Because I am so strong.

Jack: That’s right. Your strength is amazing.

Sophia: I think there’s something that I have not uncovered.

Jack: Right. Quite likely we haven’t uncovered everything.

Sophia: There’s something really kind of… I mean I think that this is a good part of it but there’s something else. It’s just that I have no memory of it.

Jack: Look for it in your body. [pause]

Sophia: It’s funny going back to the forest because it’s like some of my favorite places where I go walking now. They’re not so scary. All of a sudden they’re not so scary. But the path right near the end of the forest is still a bit scary. But it’s lightening up.

Jack: Just focus on the fact that you feel something that hasn’t really made it into consciousness yet – that it’s hanging, sort of hanging back there, but it’s related. So the edge of the forest just before you leave it… Maybe there’s a clue there on the edge of the forest.

Sophia: It’s darker.

Jack: Yes, something that’s dark and… You may need to look down or look into the darkness a bit to find…

Sophia: It’s more constricted. [pause]

I’m thinking of a really elongated cave, or elongated birth canal – hugely elongated – like with ridges. And multiple directions it could go in. And… and… I mean… Mom thought it was touch and go.

Jack: Really?

Sophia: Well, yes. That’s why she was so kind of overprotective of me later. Or partly why. And… You know it’s funny that… It’s almost like I can see the… I can see this… er sort of… birth canal or intestinal thing. And it’s… part of it’s lit now… And…

Jack: Good.

Sophia: But part of it in the center is sort of M-shaped and it’s darker. And it’s not the birth canal, it is in the middle of the b… it is surround… or… the birth canal, or whatever it is, it creates an M and inside that M is another dark M that is like dark matter. And… [pause]

I’m trying to penetrate it and it’s like…

Jack: Don’t be too concerned about penetrating it. Just relate. Just relate to it. You can ask it, “What are you? Or “Who are you?” “I want to know you better.”

Sophia: Fear of living.

Jack: So back to fear of living

Sophia: It’s fear, fear, fear.

I don’t know if it was around then but our little dog died. We had a little dog. He got run over. And… Sometimes I didn’t want to live. I don’t know where that came from.

Jack: Well it came from that inside M it seems to me.

Sophia: Life was too hard. Too painful.

Jack: Right.

Sophia: And it was funny that when I emerged from it I realized that I could escape life by going into nature and enjoying the rest of life that wouldn’t hurt me or abandon me.

And so the M is… I mean it’s mom… I think; it’s W upside down – my dad’s name was William.

Jack: But it’s also in a canal so it’s like a diversion or a detour.

Sophia: It creates a detour.

Jack: Right, it creates a detour. So what was a straight through route suddenly is a double M.

Sophia: Yes.

Jack: So it’s like a detour inside a detour.

Sophia: It makes life convoluted.

Jack: Convoluted. Yes.

Sophia: It makes it longer to get where I would have gone.

Jack: And it makes it very dark.

Sophia: Right. That area is so dark. [intonation of fear]

Jack: So when you focus on it again like that is there something else that comes from it or…

Sophia: I think mom was so afraid then.

Jack: Yes.

Sophia: And she was afraid of me dying. And she was afraid of me living almost. To suffer if she left. [pause] Maybe that’s it.

Jack: Is that something then you can very simply just move past, beyond, through. Can you leave it behind – that double M.

Sophia: Yes, it’s weird because as I sort of said that mom was afraid that I was going to die and afraid that I was going to live… It’s like identifying that has helped it to disappear.

Jack: Yes, I would think it would. Because it was her fear not yours. But it got laid on you, or you picked it up, you absorbed it, it penetrated you.

Sophia: Wow! My poor little mom.

Jack: So, I think it can be let go of now.

Sophia: Wow. [sigh]

Jack: And not only let go for you but for her too.

Sophia: And for my brother.

Jack: Yes, also.

Sophia: He felt it too.

Jack: Of course.

Sophia: I think that’s why he was always a bit mad at her.

Jack: Yes, it’s different for a man. A man is going to react differently from a woman in a circumstance like that.

Sophia: How would it be freeing for mom?

Jack: Because she’s with us as we do this.

And plus there’s a reverberation along the genealogical line. So when you begin to solve something, I believe that it has an influence on the generation before and the one before that, and on the generation after as well. It goes in both directions, forward and backward. Up to a certain distance. It depends on how powerful the thing is.

There’s something very primordial about what has been uncovered here in this double M. So allow it to be let go, return it to the universe somehow…

How does the edge of the forest feel now?

Sophia: I was going to say like a moon glow – illuminated from the moon. Still mysterious. Still not completely understood. But a lot more light is shed on it.

Jack: And fearful still?

Sophia: No. No, something I can accept. And as I accept it, it comes more into the sunlight. And it’s funny – my hair is feeling whiter as I accept it – which I don’t want – I don’t want it to go whiter. [both laughing quietly]

Jack: Well, that’s a symbol of wisdom.

Sophia: Oh.

Jack: It’s a nice symbol. It doesn’t need to affect [chuckling] your actual hair – unless you want it to.

Sophia: It’s weird. It’s like instant white.

And it’s almost like – my brother can forgive her now.

Jack: Yes, I think it will affect your brother as well.

Sophia: Because he didn’t understand. I think he must have picked up on it. He was four years older. And I don’t think he could have understood why she felt that way.

Jack: That’s right.

And the only reason that you’re understanding now is that you have the dual perspective going on of being in touch with the three-year-old or earlier and at the same time your current self who is in a position to understand these things in a way that the child cannot. But the child can understand emotionally.

Sophia: Uh-huh. The thing that I want most to… well, I don’t know about most… it’s a remnant, it’s a terrible remnant, is that I feel like even though my dad and mom are together, I feel like there’s still come misunderstanding or distance between them that needs to be dealt with. And maybe now it will be dealt with.

Jack: Yes, I think you need to see that this obstacle has been cleared now, that there are other possibilities that the obstacle was preventing from taking place. There’s a more open channel. And when you are in engaged in expressing your love towards your parents it may reach them more deeply.

Sophia: We could have moved a lot sooner. We could have all gone to The Netherlands a lot sooner.

Jack: Yes but I do feel Sophia you need to focus on yourself first. I don’t want to take us too far off track about your mother and father. But I do think it will have an effect for them as well, regardless.

Sophia: Neat!

Jack: And you may hear from either one of them. The fact that you heard from your father recently is because of what we’re doing now. Because of entanglement in time things happen before the cause sometimes.

Sophia: Oh.

Jack: The cause is reverberating back and forth along this timeline.

Sophia: I was worried about work, you know – about the company I work for and I was worried about Gerald – and I felt dad, and this chorus of voices but especially dad, was saying, “Don’t worry, Bambino.”

Jack: Exactly. Well, it’s related to practical things too. The fact that you hadn’t heard from him for so long and suddenly you do. And then just a little bit later we do all this work around it. That’s not a coincidence. It’s connected. It’s all part of what’s happening.

Sophia: Beautiful.

So how do you see… you’re saying things could have been different?

Jack: No, no. I’m not saying things could have been different. I’m saying because of what took place, the effect of those things that did take place, the emotions connected to them can be released in you and in your parents as well. And once you release those emotions and the double M becomes illuminated, then the events haven’t changed but you have changed. And your behavior will change because it’s no longer being influenced by those emotions.

Sophia: Yes, there’s so much calm in there.

Jack: Exactly. Exactly.

So you’re not rushing through this forest any more to get out to the beach. You can actually enjoy the journey through it. [chuckling] Because yes we still have to go through forests.

Sophia: Right. And it’s funny, you know. Before the session I was thinking of iridescence. And it’s almost like there’s iridescence in there, and in me.

Jack: Exactly.

Yes, that’s again one of those reverse time things where you see something that’s part of the session but it doesn’t make any sense until later and you say, “Well, all right – of course.”

Sophia: Wow. Like a pearl.

Jack: Yes, like a pearl.

Other posts in this series: An Encounter with the Higher Self (March 2016)

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A Living Planetarium


01 melting snow field 2 IMG_2128(Copyright © Jack Cain 2018, text and images)

 Alfred: In everything that is perceived I am very sensitive to the body and at the same time there is a possibility of separation so that it is witnessed. This frees a certain perspective, a much broader perspective that is not limited by what the senses are following.

Jack: Yes, it’s interesting how gradually you can move beyond the senses of the physical body to other senses. [pause]

Alfred: I need to be patient because of distractions. [noises of repair work in the building where Jack is located] I need to just allow.

Jack: It’s a good exercise to be patient in the face of such things. [pause]

Alfred: There is the general impression of boarding a ship. An old schooner or something like that – not a contemporary ship.

Jack: I see. [pause]

Alfred: There’s a certainty that is building up. It is taking this ship to the destination of Egypt.

Jack: So you’re powered by sails if you’re on a schooner then, right?

Alfred: Yes.

There’s a sense that I’m going to meet other people there, that I’m part of a group that will converge there.

Jack: Good. [pause]

Alfred: There is information in the body that relates back to something around a pyramid that I recognize. It’s like a homing device – something that guides me toward that location quite specifically.

Jack: Great. [pause]

Alfred: I have a glimpse of a very precise job, a very precise task that I have and it is guiding this trip. It’s as if I’m already there, facing some very complex mechanism.

Jack: I see.

Alfred: And it seems that I know that something needs to be repaired – either I brought a part with me or… It’s not clear… Maybe it’s a crystal, or maybe it’s a… There’s a very intricate, mechanical cogwheel, maybe precious metal. It looks like gold. Something needs to be fitted into some very complex mechanism that seems to power a certain… I don’t want to say too much….

Jack: The important thing is that it’s a repair…

Alfred: There’s a sense that there’s a certain direction, a certain purpose. [pause]

It looks very like an extremely intricate model of planetary movement, where different planets are represented by different spheres. [pause]

It’s interesting, my rational mind, my ordinary mind, was looking for the source of the movement, how the mechanism is put into motion. But my mind was unable to find a solution to that and I am left to conclude that the movement is inseparable from the planetary movements themselves. And this now opens up to a whole setting in which this model is situated inside a dome. People are seated in this dome and they receive a kind of energy to put those planets into motion.

Jack: So it’s not a model in the usual sense because there’s a connection with the actual planets, is that right?

Alfred: The energy passes through those individuals who are receiving and transmitting it. They are operating something like a living planetarium.

02 brave snowdrops IMG_2108Jack: I see. So, it’s a very important function, a very important role that they’re playing.

Alfred: There’s a kind of a fear that interferes with my clear perception right now. This fear has to do with a reluctance to appreciate that what they are trying to forecast is the likelihood or the time frame of some kind of a catastrophe.

Jack: I see. [pause]

And you’re part of those who are working in this way, right?

Alfred: Yes. It seems like I brought something that was critical either to the calculations or to the operation of that model. [pause] [external noises]

I’m having difficulty staying deep enough in trance to have a clear perception of the situation. It kind of fluctuates. There are some noises at my end too.

Jack: Yes, I heard that.

Well, maybe you could ask for help in staying deeper or maybe just my suggesting that it’s possible might help you go deeper. But it’s something I think you need to find your own way to because we’ve had this situation before where there’s a fluctuation of attention. There must be a kind of concentration that can be found inside, inside yourself. Maybe your concentration is an old problem that needs to be addressed. And it’s maybe important to learn that – not just for this moment but for other times as well. However, this moment is a good example because, in order to see more clearly and also to help you do what you need to do, you need the concentration. What’s being attempted is very important cosmically. [pause]

Alfred: What you’re suggesting is helpful.

Jack: OK.

Alfred: There’s a weakness in my attention that I can see now. It’s been with me for a long time.

Jack: Yes, and the first and necessary step to a change is to see it. And then to find the resources internally to come to a stability. The body may be helpful. The spine. Maybe that’s why there’s a problem with the lower back right now. It needs to be cajoled into cooperating. [pause]

Alfred: There’s a kind of very tangible gap between the seriousness of this situation that requires my presence and my not completely giving myself to it. There’s a certain way in which I don’t respond with the necessary commitment. There’s a gap there that is now visible and at the same time a kind of mobilization.

Jack: Good. [pause]

Alfred: Things are coming more into focus as I give myself to this situation. I misapprehend the importance of my part. There’s an odd-shaped crystal that has a place in that very intricate mechanism. It seems that only I know how to put it in place. And those people with very serious expressions have been waiting for me to do what is necessary.

I think my reluctance comes from an ordinary place because there’s an apprehension about what might be a coming flood or some kind of large-scale catastrophe. I know or I sense that the event is going to reveal itself. And that this is going to put it into motion.

Jack: You mean adding the crystal will put it into motion.

Alfred: Yes, yes. Somehow I am anticipating that, and at the same time…

Jack: But you know you need to look at it from a larger perspective.

Alfred: Yes.

Jack: So there is a conflict.

03 birdbath world IMG_2112Alfred: I’m an in-between kind of person not entirely belonging to that circle of beings who are working with me.

Something opened in the forehead and is now freer to proceed. The objectivity of that and the service that is engaged – there’s nothing unusual about it. The whole sense of time that my trip to Egypt occupied seems to be such a blink of an eye compared to the scale of time that is now in front of us, in front of this group of people.

Periodic flooding of an area or even a planet is part of a much larger movement that is lawful.

Jack: Right.

Alfred: From that perspective it is just an ebb and flow without much consequence. [pause]

There’s a kind of a interesting question about these two perspectives: on the one hand a very lawful and expected cycle of ebb and flow of the waters on this planet and on the other hand why is it getting such close and troubled attention by those individuals. There’s a lot at stake.

Jack: I was just going to say that your mention of the forehead seems to imply that your connection to the body can be helpful in this situation. You may be able to find the resources there to be clearer about what must be done as there are people relying on you. [pause] You can trust the body. [pause]

Alfred: It becomes very clear that what’s required is an uninterrupted awareness. I can clearly see the magnitude of the effort and there’s a part that is reluctant, that is still refusing. [pause]

It’s not a choice, it’s an obligation. [pause]

Awareness is what holds the planets in their places. [pause]

The enormity of that task is overwhelming and at the same time there’s a certain realization that there’s a part of my being that is designed for that type of task. It’s not experienced. It’s not yet adequate.

Maybe that is a story. Actually it’s not true. It’s only the lower part that is questioning. The higher part never left its command post in that situation in the pyramid where this is taking place. [pause]

The existence in this physical body now seems so random and so temporary – like a flicker.

Jack: Yes. [pause]

Alfred: It’s not that it’s a relief from the physical existence. It’s the full realization that there’s a much larger and much more crucial responsibility to a much larger world that this body has been and continues to interfere with when it’s given too much weight. It’s not only the body, it’s the whole functional existence. [pause]

Jack: It’s as if you need to maintain yourself at the right position between the body and the responsibility.

Alfred: Yes. [pause]

But it’s the center of gravity of the other world, of the larger universe that requires the full-hearted commitment.

Jack: Right. [pause]

Alfred: It’s possible now to appreciate that the very basic capacity of seeing is deficient because once it’s present the necessity of participation then becomes immediate.

Jack: Yes. Right. [pause]

Alfred: There’s also an appreciation that, because the sensitivity is as yet so undeveloped, it prevents real feeling towards those beings. It’s like recognizing kinsmen. With that recognition great caring can appear. Through this natural attraction a larger participation can take place.

Jack: So that’s really the help you needed – that recognition. [pause]

Alfred: There are glimpses of belonging to this circle. The other beings don’t quite understand where the dread of leaving or being cut off comes from. This is very reassuring because there’s a certain way in which there is no leaving or coming – it’s always there.

There’s a kind of gathering. We kneel, turn towards a center where there’s someone who looks like the guide or the leader. There’s a prostration. It’s in the same type of crypt [as in earlier sessions] with an inherent light in it.

Now there is a full affirmation of a belonging. And gratitude. [pause]

Two realities: sensing my body here fully and sensing my presence there with the others. Witnessing both. [pause]

Very clear transition with a certainty in the absolute need to strengthen my attention and to understand how crucial it is to be available to that level.

Jack: Good. Very clear.

[We end.]

04 flowered cross IMG_2068

Other postings in this series: Bodies, Bluish, The Cosmic Cleanup Team, The Joy of Taking My Place, Rescue & Ascension, A Continuity of Being, Creation, Rescue, The Empty Seat at the Table, Toxic Green, Pristine Stillness, What is Breathing?, Merging with the Light, The Alchemy of Transmuting Blue to White, Ascension, Montségur, Flood, Connecting Upward, The Thread, Ruby Eyes, Montségur 2, Quetzalcoatl, What We Have Bodies For, Slave Ships, Planetary Signs and Universal Perspectives, The Altar of Gold, The Breath Can Touch the Mind, The Battlefield That Has No End, The Quick and the Dead, The Relay Station, There Is No Difference, The Uninterrupted Chain of Beings Ascending, Adjusting a Planet’s Orbit, Our Living Planet, Body and Soul, In the Situation Room, Dark Blue Stellar Material, A Luminous Source, Where Life Resides, Suffering, A Living Planetarium.

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The Samurai

01 Battlefield MG_1804(Copyright © Jack Cain 2018, text and images)

 Goal for this session: How to break out of the cycle of being injured or hurt?

 Nadyezhda: I get a sense of sharp metal objects being hurled at me.

They could be spears but they’re also needles and scalpels and insults and vaccines and cruel things.

Jack: Yes, cruel things. Just watch them float by, images that float by. This is precisely what we’re asking about. So it’s very good that you make an immediate contact like that. And see very clearly the kinds of things that are coming at you.

And of course there are no accidents so there is something behind these things that are coming at you. We need to go deeper and deeper to get behind what is taking place there. Deeper and deeper.

Nadyezhda: I might have been in a battle. I was attacked. [big breath out] I just see this kind of cheesy Hollywood battle scene – the horses and the knights in armor. Sharp objects everywhere. Metal objects.

Jack: Let’s look at it a little more, a little more carefully. A little more in detail. We’ll just see what’s happening. It certainly seems like a standard kind of battle with armor and sharp metal objects as you said.

Can you see yourself there? Are you defending yourself or are you the attacker? What’s happening?

Nadyezhda: I’m a warrior. I’ve always felt that fighting spirit.

Jack: Look at that carefully. You’re living the life of a warrior which means you not only have sharp metal objects coming at you, you’re using them against others. Stay with the back and forth of that a little.

Nadyezhda: I feel I’m strong and capable but I’m outnumbered. And I’m defending myself from an attack.

Jack: So you’re in a defensive mode…

Nadyezhda: And I have skill as a warrior but I’m getting surrounded. I can only do so much.

Jack: Yes, yes. [pause]

Nadyezhda: I see red and black in my uniform. It would be in Asia – China or Japan.

Jack: What kind of feelings are present in that situation where you are outnumbered?

Nadyezhda: I feel some exhaustion. I feel almost that I enjoy fighting as well. I relish the sensations in my own body – the forcefulness of the movements I’m making… But there is exhaustion. I’m getting worn out.

Jack: Let’s just continue with what’s happening.

Nadyezhda: I see red armor. It’s a bit like a samurai costume. Leaves or plates of the armor. I see that.

02 armor IMG_1632Jack: So you have some amount of protection but only a certain amount.

Nadyezhda: I’d like to try to make the situation more clear. I’m concentrating on the sounds that I hear. The clashing of metal objects.

Jack: Yes, any of the sense perceptions – visual, auditory, smell also, and the taste in your mouth.

Nadyezhda: Smoke. Smoke and blood.

Cold. Cold feet.

I guess I’m questioning myself somewhat, what I’m seeing and feeling. But I just have to accept it – whatever it is that comes up.

Yes. I think it’s a bit cold. [cough] And mud is there. There’s mud on the battlefield.

Jack: Yes, just stay with what’s happening – the ordinary consciousness will comment: “I’m not sure if this is just my mind fabricating or… But it’s all unfolding the way it should.

Nadyezhda: Yes, I see that I’m wearing a samurai costume. With a helmet. And I see the type of boots they had and their cold feet in the way that they’re dancing in the mud and having to maneuver.

I’m not sure. I’m afraid this is the place where I die. But I still feel despite the tiredness, the fatigue and the cold in my legs and being outnumbered – I still feel I have vitality and strength. Maybe it’s the feeling of being attacked from all sides. [big breath out]

It was centuries ago.

Jack: Yes, probably.

Nadyezhda: I think I have a horse. I’m off my horse.

Oh, my horse is beautiful. She’s so strong, so powerful. But I’m concerned. Where is she? What are they doing to my horse? [pause]

I want to get to my horse and run away and she’s nearby. I think I have to retreat. Bloodthirsty. [cough] I just understood how surgeons are bloodthirsty. These people I’m fighting with. They’re violent and perverse. They’re sick, really twisted.

Jack: Right. So can you find your horse? Shall we see what happens next?

Nadyezhda: There’s a spear in my right side between two of the lower ribs. There are all these spears coming at me. I’m trying to get to my horse. I try to get on but I’m not making it. I can’t get away and… I want to get onto my horse. I’m trying to do that and I’m falling off. And there’s the cold sensation of being in the mud and having a spear in my side. Bleeding to death.

I think I can’t… [cough] I don’t see clearly what’s behind me but I see everything in front of me – it’s just a sea of soldiers. It’s really dense. I’m dying there in the cold mud. I can’t get on my horse. That’s it. I can’t move, I can’t get up.

Jack: That’s right, you can’t get up.

Nadyezhda: I can’t make the movement of freedom, of escape. I’m trapped there and I’m dying.

Jack: What feelings are there now?

Nadyezhda: Desperation. I think of wanting to feel the pleasure of riding my horse. I want the pleasure of victory. But I’m ripped out, taken down, and trapped.

03 Trapped IMG_1760Jack: Yes, trapped. There’s no way out.

Nadyezhda: Trapped. It’s a cold feeling. And the blood is leaving the body.

Jack: Yes.

I don’t want you to feel any pain so just feel that you’re moving up above and looking down at what’s happening.

Nadyezhda: I’m afraid for my horse now. I can’t save her. I can’t keep her safe. [cough] Someone will kill her or take her away. Maybe they’ll capture her.

She’s so magnificent. I can feel her glossy coat. The way her hair is tied up is very beautiful. She’s magnificent.

Jack: There’s a relationship there between the two of you.

Nadyezhda: Yes, she also feels trapped and frightened because we’re cornered.

I feel like I’m the kind of soldier who fights for honor, fights honorably, and I’m surrounded by these people who fight just to possess or take. It’s crude, it’s hedonistic.

Jack: They don’t have that honor.

Nadyezhda: I was overtaken by them.

Jack: So there’s something unjust about it…

Nadyezhda: I can see the surroundings and how overcast the sky is and how damp the weather is. Everything is grey. It’s the dampness. Cold and damp. And I see how the trees are passive witnesses to the scene. [pause]

Jack: Well, let’s just see if there’s anything more that has to be seen in this scene but it seems to be fairly complete.

Nadyezhda: [cough] I guess maybe I have to understand about the sensations of being trapped and not having my freedom, being taken down, being in the mud, being cold, having metal objects pierce my flesh and …

Jack: And the injustice of it.

Nadyezhda: The injustice and the crudeness of my attackers. And the relationship to my horse. [pause]

Jack: A very, very strong situation and experience.

Nadyezhda: And the loss of vitality.

Jack: Yes. [pause]

Nadyezhda: That [cough] seems to be the kind of situation from the past that can replay itself.

Jack: Yes, I think that’s what’s happening.

There are purposes of course for each incarnation. We’re interested in the current incarnation and what can be done to break out of the cycle that Nadyezhda is living here now in the year 2018. What is it that is required of Nadyezhda right now that would be good for her life at the current moment from a much broader, higher point of view? This incarnation we’ve just seen – what does it mean?

Nadyezhda: It seems there’s something about the warrior spirit attracting a certain type of person who wants to challenge it and tease it and destroy it.

And there’s something about pulling the spear out of my side and having to heal the wounds because that wound is a weakness. It’s an entry point into the body. And I have to heal so that I’m not vulnerable any more.

The healing right now is about removing something that was put into the wound, something that doesn’t belong there.

We have to keep listening for a message of how did you say… How to resolve what needs to be resolved.

Jack: Yes, what is necessary to break out of the current cycle? In relation to what we’ve just seen – that particular life that had its own characteristics of honor and injustice, being overwhelmed by crude people. What steps specifically are needed now to help Nadyezhda step out of the force of that incarnation which is attracting crude people with sharp instruments. There’s something about that past life that is very, very powerful, having to do with the way Nadyezhda died. The relationship to the horse, feeling you weren’t able to save the horse, the injustice of that too. You may be feeling a certain guilt in not fulfilling what you wanted to fulfill. Although you had no choice. What’s going to be required now in relationship to that past life. What has to be let go of or given up?

Nadyezhda: Well, [cough] the first thing I get is that love needs to be cultivated more. The warrior spirit is a good thing but there’s something that needs to be resolved. I’m told I need to work on love, on relationships. [cough]

04 Love IMG_1560Jack: Yes, and just stay with that because – it sounds nice and it is nice – but what exactly does Nadyezhda need to do? What actions of love are required? Is there something that appears as an example? Or are there individuals? How is that actually going to work in practice? It sounds perfect but maybe there could be more assistance given.

Nadyezhda: I think it’s my mode of functioning in the world. As long as I’m always locked in the fighting mode then I attract more people who are going to participate in that but if I try to recondition myself so that love is more the way of life then that would help.

I think also there’s someone picking up my body out of the cold mud on the battlefield. I’m asking to be separated from the energetic imprint of that situation.

Jack: Right.

Nadyezhda: There’s a white angel picking me up out of that so that the mud isn’t all over me – forever.

Jack: Right. Yes. It’s a way of cleansing and leaving that behind. Perfect.

Nadyezhda: I’m just asking this white angel person to care for my body. At least the body of the person should be taken care of. That’s it – the body needs to be cared for, taken up out of the mud and washed, the wound closed…

Jack: Yes, because those crude people would do none of that…

Nadyezhda: Fresh clothing put on and at least a proper funeral.

Jack: And perhaps no longer clothing that is a warrior’s clothing. Something a little softer, gentler.

Nadyezhda: A kimono.

That’s it – to let the person have peace. Not just to be abandoned there after dying.

Jack: Yes, really in a way laid to rest properly and with love. The angel of course is very capable of doing that.

Nadyezhda: It’s soothing.

Jack: And what about the horse?

Nadyezhda: I think the horse survived. We can take her to pasture. She’s released from her duty. She can come to my funeral and then she can be free.

The most important thing is picking up the body and giving it a service instead of leaving it forever in that condition.

Jack: Yes, because it was still in that condition when you left. It’s a way of ending what really wasn’t ended properly.

Nadyezhda: It’s replacing colors and sensations of the battlefield with colors and sensations of peace. To let myself be at peace for once. [pause]

[big breath out] Good – there’s some release happening I think.

Jack: Yes, very much so.

Nadyezhda: I’d like to do some kind of formal service for my former self and for my ancestors.

Jack: Yes, you mentioned that your grandfather was a warrior.

Nadyezhda: The message is that it’s good to be a warrior because there’s integrity to that and there’s the fierceness of spirit but there’s also just some pleasure that I relish in the motions of being a warrior, the sensations. But when the warrior was killed it needed a proper service. But it also needs not to be only a warrior but to be a person, someone who can cultivate a different way of relating, not only fighting.

Jack: Right.

Maybe there’s something else that needs to come through. I often like to say, “What have we forgotten to ask?” What could be provided now that would be helpful to Nadyezhda in the general area of getting out of a cycle of being overwhelmed. [pause]

So it’s not a question of winning or losing, it’s a question of using the resources appropriately.

Nadyezhda: I see the white dove again. It’s peace and softness and communication. And something that goes from place to place, seeing things I’m not capable of seeing.

Jack: Yes. So maybe there simply needs to be a memory of that white dove that you return to frequently to help bring a kind of balance.

Nadyezhda: And speaking of love, I loved my horse. I can see her colors changing all the time from dark steely black to brown. So glossy and so powerful. I have sorrow around being separated from her too.

Jack: Well, maybe there’s a contact needed with the spirit of that horse so that you feel once again the support – under you. And of course in order to move forward forcefully, nothing better than a horse. It’s organically almost part of you.

Nadyezhda: I feel a lot of emotion for her.

Jack: Yes. That’s good. There’s a resource there that you need to be in touch with – the horse. You really recognize and remember her from before. So in order to move out of this cycle of repetition you have the possibility of connecting with that horse again now. To help you just move out you can visualize yourself riding out of it, riding out of this cycle. [pause]

Nadyezhda: I think there’s a bit more information – I’ve just been connecting with the horse and I think we have to go together. It’s not a horse who’s been subjugated. I won her favor and we became like one creature. So I am reconnecting and wanting to ride away into the distance and feel that freedom again.

Jack: Yes, just riding out of that cycle.

Nadyezhda: I’m asking for a kind of protection and guidance. I’m asking the Firebird but also this white angel that picked me off the battlefield.

Jack: That’s good.

Nadyezhda: They can help guide me.

Jack: Just ask and see if there’s any response or agreement. See what comes back to you from either or both of them.

Nadyezhda: I feel the presence of the white angel placing hands on me. I feel a sympathy. But maybe there are other types of instructions or verbal information that can help too.

Love is good. Love is healing as well.

I feel like I’ll be OK eventually.

Jack: Yes.

And I think it’s important to remember that you can make contact on your own with the Firebird, with the angel, with the white dove – those are resources that are there for you. You’ve made contact strongly now in this session so it will be possible to go back if there are times which are difficult – there will always be times that are difficult. You can remember one of them or all of them and make a contact. And with the horse as well. So you may be able to just ride out of whatever the difficulty is.

Nadyezhda: Hopefully.

I’m looking over the beautiful green landscape and the cliffs and the ocean. I can see that. It’s wonderful.

Jack: Great.

Nadyezhda: I’ll just express some gratitude to the angel, he white dove, the Firebird, the horse.

Jack: Yes. Very appropriate.

Nadyezhda: [big sigh]


05 Ground IMG_1767

Posts in this series: Repairing Time Lines, A Good Man, The Firebird, The Samurai.

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Kindly Bent to Ease Us

01 blinded angel IMG_1793(Copyright © Jack Cain 2018, text and images)

 Samuel: During a meditation recently, outside in the early morning before dawn, I had a very clear sense of being accompanied, nearby, by these guardians or sentinels. They were just there. No words. Looking out at the landscape and being there.

Jack: When was that meditation Samuel? How long ago?

Samuel: Not that long ago, maybe a week or even less. Recently enough that I can remember it and feel it now. I also felt something like it in our other sessions too. If I’m quiet enough they have a place in me.

Jack: Interesting.

Samuel: Yes, it is interesting. I don’t know what it is. It’s a realm that is now penetrating my habitual realm. There’s a communication between these different realities. The visitation of these guardians had the feeling of an omni-presence. I say a visitation because it’s coming from afar and visiting but the other interpretation is that they are always present and it’s my inability to be present to them – that I’m in fact in some other world and when I come to their world they’re there.

Jack: When I come to the real world.

Samuel: Exactly. When I come to the real world. Then I get that view. Interesting. [pause]

In my awareness of them I had a sense of what the quality of my own presence needed to be in order to be sensitive to them.

And I have a sense of them now.

Jack: [chuckling] Yes, I was just about to ask you that.

Samuel: There seems to be more than one of them. And it’s not that they were paying attention to me. They were looking out to the hills. And now I’m thinking that it’s an indication. And I’ve been saying to myself… “I lift up mine eyes unto the hills whence cometh my help.”

Jack: Yes.

Samuel: They embody a searching and a looking out. An attentiveness, an extraordinary attentiveness. But very relaxed. Very at peace. And yet still very attentive.

Jack: It’s an interesting combination to be able to have both of those – a concentrated attentiveness and a relaxation at the same time. That’s not so easy.

Samuel: Yes. Yes.

It’s completely natural. Lawful. It’s a part of the order of things. They are emanated from that, from the order of things. That’s the feeling at any rate.

I don’t know if that circumstance leads to anything… because it was just a calm moment of my awareness of their presence. And I think there are two of them. One in particular that I’m… And a sense of them having a kind of embodiment but very imprecise. Just a presence. Tall. But I’m having the feeling they could be any size. In my memory now it’s changing into something more atmospheric.

But very much connected with this landscape that’s here and a feeling of a sense of place. Of my place here.

Jack: I think you need to keep a contact with those two presences and just see what takes place because you said you felt more close to one of them in particular.

Samuel: Yes.

Jack: So maybe something needs to develop along that line if you focus there.

Samuel: Yes. There’s one that was particularly nearby, there was one that was adjacent. And there were maybe more. Right now I have the strongest sense of this one. Before I felt that there was more than one.

And they are not doing anything but just looking out, looking out towards the city in fact. Just quietly standing there but with the sense of an accompaniment. I was about to say “protection” but there wasn’t any threat. And yet they’re guarding something, they are protecting something. Not as much perhaps a threat from the outside but protecting something from the inside. Protecting a relationship, a current of reception. They were curating that experience for me. Not in any overt way.

Jack: Maybe there’s something more that can take place right now that we’re in a special state and open to their influence. Maybe there’s something that can or should be conveyed to you from one of these presences or maybe there’s somewhere you need to go with them or…

Samuel: Well, in just suggesting that there’s a very strong feeling of them being here right now looking at me.

Bending in actually. They’re bending in. They’re leaning over the bed.

02 Christmas Cactus IMG_1781Jack: You’re being examined it looks like.

Samuel: Yes, exactly. I am. I’m being examined. That’s exactly it. A little bit like the orb that came [in the previous session] from far, far away and then came up and was sort of humored by my existence.

It’s a different feeling as in… I’m under a kind of scrutiny but also a wish, on their part, for something from me.

Jack: Yes, I think there’s an onus on you. What do you want from this situation, from this meeting, from this encounter, from this connection, from this relationship? Certainly these are two different worlds but it is a meeting of sorts so it’s not something you are going to pass off lightly on the other hand what precisely should be your response to the situation? And of course it’s not just speculating about it, it has to come from something very deep inside you.

Samuel: I feel that. I feel that something is being called from very deep inside me and I feel that my talking just now is in between the two.

Jack: So try to listen very carefully to the words you’re choosing to say. Do they represent your heart or not?

Samuel: The speaking is from in between, it’s not connected to… I mean I’m describing it but it’s not coming from that place.

Jack: [chuckling] So you just need to move closer, closer to that place, be there and that may shift something in your relationship to them because there’s an expectancy on their part for something here, it seems.

Samuel: Yes, I feel that it’s… They’re up to the right. And that place. A kind of yearning that’s coming from my heart.

Jack: Right.

Samuel: I feel it from inside my chest.

Jack: Yes, you need to feel it in the body, feel its exact location, its qualities.

Samuel: I have a sense of it. In my chest. A little to the right. It’s as if they’re calling it out, as if they’re drawing it out. They’re extracting it – this relationship.

They weren’t examining me. They were examining this place inside me. And they were calling it out. Extracting it.

Jack: Hmm. Interesting.

Samuel: Not extracting in the sense that they’re taking it from me…

Jack: Making it perceptible? Is that it?

Samuel: Making it perceptible but also drawing out the relationship. It’s a channel of sorts. It’s a channel. It’s a quality. It’s an atmosphere. It’s almost like it’s got a materiality to it. [sigh] There’s a picture of it. It’s like in molecules… but big. This kind of movement of this… [pause]

Now not so much but… Before it was pretty clear – it was like a flowing of something. It wasn’t a taking away. It was inexhaustible, this flow – it wasn’t an extraction in the sense of removing something. It was enlivening – as if this connection exists all the time but it’s unused. It’s not exercised. But it needs to be exercised. It needs to be cared for in a certain way. In an active way. There needs to be an accompaniment of it.

And I feel it sort of arising. They’re now further away, up to the right. They’re ascending. They’re further away but I have a connection to them. This is a kind of indication.

Jack: Because they’re further away doesn’t mean the connection is less… Is that right?

Samuel: That’s right. It’s an indication that I don’t need to have them standing next to me. [chuckling] I miss them but I don’t need them in order to have this connection. I feel that’s what they’re trying to show me. It’s that they’ve just done a little experiment right before my eyes. And yet my eyes are closed.

Jack: Yes but you’re seeing what’s happening.

Samuel: Yes, I’m seeing what’s happening.

It’s a lesson. What’s important is not their presence but the relationship… to give this inner side, this inner heart, to offer it. That’s not quite right either. That’s kind of imposed. It’s to allow it.

Jack: It has to be visible right?

Samuel: It’s feeling visible… It’s feeling visible… It is visible.

Jack: But it wasn’t before…

Samuel: It wasn’t before. It wasn’t when they were standing there during my meditation. That wasn’t a part of it. This now was to tell me something. I have a very strong feeling that they’re saying, “Pay attention to this.” They leaned in.

Jack: Yes, that was so dramatic.

Samuel: And connected. And connected to this… They pulled at this part of me as they were receding and now they are very far away and yet still there and… and this flowing… up and out of me. It goes both ways. I don’t know… to establish the connection that has to go up and out. But it’s a connection. I’m not being depleted in any way. It’s inexhaustible. It’s inexhaustible. [intonation of astonishment]

Jack: Wow.

Samuel: Because I have the sense now it’s not mine. It’s in me. It’s inexhaustible because it’s everywhere. [whispering] It’s in everything. Ah. In everything.

But I feel it through me at the moment.

I’m feeling my whole body right now. I’m lying a little bit on one side so that might be why I’m experiencing it a little bit to one side. But it’s clearly from my heart, my chest. [pause]

I think the lesson is over.

Other postings in this series: The Fact of God, The Disciples, The Orb Smiles, Kindly Bent to Ease Us.

03 Angel shimmering IMG_1791

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